Calls from your adult children

Going back to my post at 8.59 - I do know how to spell 'several', it's the darn computer that doesn't!

Dd WhatsApps most days and pops round (usually wanting something about once a week). Son rarely visits and rings when no chance of his wife finding out. Doesn't really bother me one way or other. I like to hear from them but happy enough on my own if they don't make contact. Spent nearly 30years caring for them so now it's time for me now that I have finally separated from their useless father and I'm enjoying the lack of responsibility ?

Before retiring I worked for the NHS in a very busy clinic. The people who were assisting me were constantly being messaged throughout the day by their “supposed to be working” adult children. I found it quite rude and often had to step in when their calls or messages distracted them from the job in hand. These calls and messages came in at any time, not just break times. How can we expect youngsters to become responsible for their actions (I.e doing their jobs) when their parents are willing to indulge them every message or call? Unless it is an emergency situation then, no. Creating a dependency does not help young adults deal with every day life or situations that they need to problem solve on their own.
I agree that you like & love your children but, allow them and their employers some respect.

All our Ac live local so it’s generally WhatsApp messages, contact couple of times a week, we would be concerned if they were on the phone to us every single day, they know if they needed us if there was a problem we would help it goes without saying,

Children call....I wish. I actually don't get the several times a day though....WHY?

Chimaera

No phone calls for 12 years - or anything else! To others who are estranged - I feel your pain.

Me too ?

I would think something was very wrong if I heard from my kids every day! My son works offshore and we try to speak at least once when he is home. He lives 500 miles away from me. We email occasionally when he is offshore.
My daughter lives 400 miles away and we try to speak once a week however that can slip to 2/3 weeks. Just depends on how busy she is with a demanding job and two little ones. I FaceTime with my youngest grandchildren and what’s app with the older two.

There's a lot of chat daily backwards and forwards on our family What's app group.Especially when Bake Off is on !And our 3 DDs are in touch most days this way. Our eldest phones most days whilst driving home but if I'm busy and can't talk it's no problem. And the other two may go a few days but then ring for a proper chat.And they are in touch with each other a lot even if DH and I don't hear from them .
If however I was at a friends or out walking with a friend, which I do a lot, I certainly wouldn't chatting. That's my time and I think is rude to the friend I'm with.
We know a couple and even on meals out he will be checking his phone for messages from his adult children or breaking off to talk to them.I have been tempted to drop his phone in his pint of beer before now !

Not tying to philosophise or preach here butI think it is very much a nature-nurture debate that is generational and there are so many factors involved. Every relationship is different.
I was never really close to my parents and in the 70’s as a teenager living away, a call once a week from a pay box was all they got. But I know they cared about me. It’s not only in the spoken words.
Mum dying early, both my girls never had close relationships with any grandparents. Maybe that affects their view of the child- parent relationship.
They are both, like many siblings, very different in personality and I think that is also a factor.
Now in their 40’s with kids they keep in touch maybe once a week at the most, the younger one more often but then I call or whattsap to catch up if I haven’t heard from them.
They lead busy lives and were brought up to be independent.
I know they will be in touch when they want/ need to and that is how I feel it should be. I don’t want it to be a duty to them to call at a pre-arranged time. But that is just me.
Of course I think, worry about them as any mother does but that is for me to do.
Yes, it’s good to know they care about the ‘old folk,’ but they all have their own lives to live and their own family to focus on.
Not being complacement in these uncertain times, but just happy they have both been with partners over 20 years and all are happy, secure and healthy.
Not said lightly, as I know many have serious problems, but the older I get the more I try not to ‘sweat the small stuff’

My daughter and are are in frequent touch, but that can mean several messages one day, then nothing for four days. After a while we either meet or have a phone call to catch up.
My son can go for weeks without making contact. He only lives about 5 miles away but I have had only one visit in two years. I pop over there to take birthday presents etc, so that ‘s about 6 times a year. However this week he is sending me lots of photos from his U.K. holiday, which is lovely. If he rings me, it is when he is out shopping or watching his son play football. I never hear from his wife or teenage children.

I worked on the no news is good news principle with my sons
one daughter in law rings most days so I can see my grand children. The other messages several times a week, just for a quick catch up. Needless to say my sons still don't ring often, they catch up from their other half

My son rings about once a week to check we are both still alive! If I was on my own I am sure it would be on a daily basis but I intend if I am on my own to have one of those life lines and wear a necklace with a buzzer to just save him the worry.

My daughter and I speak most days. We’re both busy but we’re best friends as well as mother and daughter. Why would we not speak daily?

My daughter is constantly texting me daily and my little grandson face times nanny to show/tell me things. My son on the other hand rings about once a month!

Our oldest son used to ring us every Sunday without fail, since he acquired a girlfriend, sad to say the calls have stopped, unless I messaged him and than all I get is, I am very busy etc …

MOira - I'm with you. Same thing happens on group walks but the mother loves it, drives the rest of us mad when she stops to explain something trivial in great detail, cue background muttering of 'look on google'. I've got sons, so little danger of too many phones calls!

It’s interesting to read about children and phone calls. Our family isn’t into WhatsApp but as so many of you on here are, maybe I’ll look into it’s evident attractiveness.
My 2 beloved children (in their 40s) reassuringly have their mother’s genes and our phone calls are somewhat random. My daughter lives locally and we try to (covid permitting) meet up once a week, along with my grandson. My son lives over 100 miles away and under “normal” circumstances we/he and his fiancée visit each other 4 or 5 times a year. (For “we”, read me and my husband – his stepfather).
When it comes to phone calls more often than not it’s me who initiates a call: perhaps once a week to my daughter (to sort out our get-together) and once every couple of weeks or so to my son. When we do speak on the phone my son and I have a lovely chat, usually with quite a bit to catch up on. My husband’s children all have different routines: one daughter phones him at least twice a day, his other daughter once in a blue moon. They both live locally, as does one of his sons. His other son lives about 300 miles away, and the frequency of the men’s phone calls is pretty haphazard.
We are all quite relaxed about these routines – or perhaps I should say lack of routines – and “vive la difference” and “the rich tapestry of life” come to mind.

Oldest son never phones and only texts if he wants something . But I know what’s going on as his wife posts a lot on fb and I see them most weeks to look after the girls . Daughter miles away phones once a week. At the moment I see younger son most weeks so no need to phone but when we couldn’t visit because of Covid he phoned once a week . As none of us are very chatty people that is fine.

It’s rare for either to phone but we FaceTime and WhatsApp regularly. Since Covid I send my son in the USA a WhatsApp note every day just asking him to acknowledge they are all ok. I started this because at the beginning of the pandemic NY was particularly badly affected and I was concerned that if the parents succumbed to the virus there was nobody around to look after the children. I’m sure he thinks I’m crackers but all he needs to do is send me a thumbs up sign and I’m reassured.

I live alone and have two daughters who live busy lives. They ring me randomly every one or two weeks. They are very busy, families, full time and demanding jobs. We would all find daily phone calls too much, unless support was needed when times were difficult.
One daughter puts me on speaker and the conversation ranges around all present. I feel as if I were there with them.
The other daughter rings me when she knows she has plenty of time for a good chat. We have similar interests. A lot of venting has been going on about the political situation and how disturbing we find it.
I too think it's bad manners to indulge in long family phone calls when in company with friends.

I have one abroad so rarely hear from him, the other two are in Scotland and I hear from them a couple of times a month. They have their own lives to lead and I have mine to lead, so we don't check up on each other. When we do catch up it is nice because we exchange what we have been doing.

It all depends on the nature of the child. My DD has always talked and talked. Consequently I usually get at least 2 phone calls a day - to discuss what she's going to buy, what colour to paint the kitchen, where she's going, where she's been. I love her chat. We always find plenty to say. My DS calls once a week and it's quite a long phone call but he'd never call more than that. Everyone is different but I'm generalising I know when I see girls are usually far more chatty.

My DD calls most days on her way to pick up GD from school and we chat for 10 mins or so. My DS,on the other hand, is completely different. I have to arrange a time to call him as he's always going somewhere or taking the kids to one sporting activity or the other. When we do speak it's usually a long call though. Always plenty of WhatsApp messages, jokes etc. on our family group though.

GraceQuirrel

That’s just rude to ring your parent when you know they were out and busy. Mother should have told her so and said ring later.
Some sibling rivalry going on in that family I think.

Yes this did cross my mind. Are they trying to prove who is the most caring daughter?

MOnica, I am sure it doesn't and I never said, or thought, that it did.

Nor does it mean that my children haven't cut the apron strings or are not independent. They are.