Calls from your adult children

I must say I’m a bit surprised by the use of “apron strings” expression in here, we all have different relationships with our children and for me whatever suits each individual family and each individual family member….there’s no right or wrong or black and white, so long as everyone in each family is happy with the arrangements I cannot see why it matters if children call every hour or every month !

Me to Kate1949… even once a year would be lovely, I text her but never receive a reply!

My granddaughter lives with me though so I know my daughter is alive!!!

No phone calls for 12 years - or anything else! To others who are estranged - I feel your pain.

Two adult children live away and we have a group WhatsApp chat with them and the three still living at home

We dip in and out of this whenever and normally have weekly chats or a Skype

Sometimes though calls are fortnightly, but we all keep in touch

We've gone from phone calls, maybe two or three a day plus messages, to nothing. We're now estranged. Not my choice. So just be grateful for what you get

When mine first went on holiday and driving for the first time down the motorway I was really worried had no phone call. Her Dad said do not worry but my nerves was getting the better of me then I had phone calls every day after that.

We are a close family, get on well with our sons and DILs, but daily calls or even weekly would drive me (and them) nuts! Our sons may phone every 2 - 3 weeks and two of our DILs even less, the other one usually calls once a week because she knows our son won't! This suits us all just fine. I see no need to be in constant contact with them, if they have any problems they'll let us know. When my DH needed hospital treatment earlier this year calls were more frequent and I kept them updated with texts if I thought they were working or travelling. It seems to work OK for all of us.

Mollygo
Totally agree, love to hear from our AC’s and GC’s

My Mum and I used to ring each other several times a day. Normally the conversation would start with a, "I forgot to tell you earlier...!" We'd ring each other for something specific, talk all around the trees and then ring off having forgotten what we rang up for. We'd discuss news stories, impart snippets of info about the kids, family, etc and ask advice about various things. It is really strange that with the dementia conversation is strained. Most of the time we only talk about what she needs doing or for her to criticise what I am doing! I don't think the skill of complaining will ever be lost to her!
With my own kids, we speak when we need to but mainly WhatsApp.

My adult daughter rarely rings me (once a fortnight/month) but we message on Whatsapp regularly and we meet up about once a month/six weeks (she lives 2.5 hours drive away). This feels about right, I know that if there was a problem or if either of us just fancied a chat, we could call each other.

My mum was a bit of a stickler for phone calls/visits (she died 2 years ago) and it used to annoy me - I have two teenagers still at home and work full time so time was very precious and after a busy day I would often forget to call her so when I finally did, she would always say "Oh you're still alive then". It would irritate the hell out of me as there was nothing stopping her calling me!

However, when I look back on it (as I say, she died 2 years ago), I wish I had made more time to visit her - she only lived 25 minutes drive away. I was very close to my mum but life just seemed to get in the way of calls and visits and I shouldn't have let it.

I don't have the same hang ups with my daughter not calling and frequent Whatsapp messages are fine with me - she works full time and has a 4 year old so I know how busy life is! We are planning to move nearer her when we retire (around 7 years) and I will make sure that we visit each other much more frequently than I did with my mum. I am very close to my daughter as well and we are both looking forward to being able to pop round for the evening rather than having to make it a weekend stay (although I do like spending time with my grandson obviously!)

I speak to my kids once a week or less; lots of texts and WhatsApps in-between.

My stepsister used to speak with her mother at least twice a day...

Wow Geekesse! I’m glad my family don’t see calling us or receiving calls from us as ‘a blight on family relationships’ or ‘apron strings’. I don’t understand why you’d think so, but then I don’t know your family.

We love to see or hear from our children, grand children or even siblings in person (those who live closer) or via a device as and when they choose to call us phone, FaceTime or WhatsApp and they are equally welcoming of our calls.
I just think families are all different and I’d rather hear from mine than not.

kittylester good comment and quite right too ?

My sons are polar opposites. One contacts me every day on whatsapp and we exchange messages, jokes, photos etc.
And he phones me now and then so we can chat.
The other son, - well he does come and see me once every two or three weeks, and will answer the phone/or messages if I contact him.
All my grandchildren are on whatsapp and two or three times a week one or the other will contact me, or reply if I contact them.

I would be worried (what me?) if I heard daily from any of the family. I can always contact them If I need to and vice versa. They do keep an eye on me though!
If I get a phone call on a Tuesday evening, I know it will be from DS2 as he rings from the car (hands free) on his way to hockey training. He's a creature of habit. Both DSs have the technology to ring hands-free from their cars, but I'm never really happy about it.However, it's useful to know that I can usually get hold of them if I need to. I always had a call from my mum on a Sunday morning and my dad took over after she died. Sadly, that lasted just six more years. My sister and I speak regularly on Wednesday nights when her husband is out with 'the boys'. Teenage GC call randomly if they have 'big news' to communicate. It's good to have a chat with any of them.

I agree with geekesse that since the arrival of mobile phones and related technology, most people now are far more in touch than years ago.

I used to have a lift to work with a woman, she had only left her partner at home ten minutes before, but they were phoning and chatting away on the journey (illegal I know). The most inane talk. “There’s been an accident on local radio, forty miles away, thought you ought to know”. Why?

Theres no set pattern for receiving calls from either son`s or Dil`s and vice versa.
Whatsapp every other day.
I prefer ot that way tbh as i would wonder why so n so didn`t call as usuall.

One DD calls daily on her way home from work. I don’t mind, she’s so far away and apart from general chat, it allows her to offload the day’s stresses and delights. If we have visitors, I warn them she’ll call and either I or DH will take the phone out to talk. If I’m out with someone I just say ‘sorry, can’t talk now, ring your dad’. I see the the others more often because they live closer but we message or WhatsApp regularly. A phone call is usually a request, a reminder or to say they have remembered my birthday but forgot to post the card so will be bringing it round!

While his life was difficult, DS rang sevral times a day for support and advice. Later he phoned daily during his lunch break. Now it's less often as he works from home and I don't disturb him too often, especially if DiL is at home too - they deserve some privacy. We probably message more and for longer than we used to, though.

Son about twice a week. Daughter lives alone and it varies, when life is running smoothly, again about twice a week, but throughout June, for example, it was at least once a day, because she was job hunting and there seemed to be an event a day. Since she was offered and accepted a new job, we are back to a couple of times a week. No doubt when she starts the job we will get daily phone calls for the first week.

I have brought my children up and launched them into the world and they are journeying through it successfully. I have a busy life of my own. I do not want them contacting me all day and every day. We are always available in a crisis, like when DD was job hunting, she had been furloughed in February for a month and not yet got back to work and obviously worried about the whole situation and finding more secure employment, so, as she is living alone, she unburdened on us and we were there for her.

kittylester it doesn't follow that because we are not always rining each other that we do not like each other.

Geekesse. Nothing to do with ‘apron strings’. We are all free to do and be with whatever and whoever we want.
We support each other but don’t interfere. I’m sure there are plenty of things my family do that I don’t hear about and don’t expect to.
Our three DDs are best of friends ( most of the time) but also each have a circle of their own friends other family members.

I get the occasional messenger message and we have a family WhatsApp but I would be concerned if they were on the phone to me every day.

When not living locally, daughter and I usually message everyday. Rarely, it'll be every other day. We usually only talk once a week or so, UNLESS there is a problem, then she will regale me frequently, until I am more stressed than her.

I had a very close friend (long since dead now), but she used to be virtually fixed to her phone, with her AC telephoning her several times each day, no matter what else she was doing. I found it very rude, that whilst she was visiting or out with me, she spent so much time just chatting on the 'phone, and told her so.

My children keep in touch with me as and when needed. Have dropped into the habit of having a weekly catch-up chat with my eldest daughter, but the others usually speak to on the 'phone, maybe about every two or three weeks. If something happens, good or bad, they will contact me or me then, but they all have very busy lives and I know that 'no news is good news'!!!

Strangely enough. my friends AC did not respect her at all - some of the language used to her by her eldest son would have received a slap round the mouth from me (when he was doing this and I was there, he actually apologised to me).

So, the were not ringing so often because of care or love, but to prevent her having a sulk if they did not.

Absolutely no set routine !