Grief, Baby medical termination.

I’m so sorry MsLioness, my heart goes out to you all. Something similar happened in our family earlier this year, a devastating time.

I am so sorry for you all. When a miscarriage, medical termination or stillbirth happens it is devastating for so many people. The SANDS group are experts in this field. They will be able to provide information for you on local help groups and how to cope and support your daughter and also yourself. You are grieving for your grandchild. Take care of yourself.

Heartfelt sympathy to you and your family, such a tragic thing to happen.[

back in november 1959 my sister's dear little 3 month old baby became ill and died of acute leukemia......It was a devastating time for my sister and the rest of the family who had all cuddled the baby girl...

My friend’s grand daughter has just had a termination. She had a scan to reveal the gender and it revealed serious abnormalities meaning a poor quality of life for the baby. They decided it wasn’t fair on their other children or the baby. Only the parents can make such a difficult decision, the long term implications have to be considered carefully. So difficult for everyone.

My mother never got over the baby that did not make it, how much worse it would have been if that had been her only pregnancy. I feel for you both.

You have Gransnet to turn to. Perhaps suggest to your daughter that she has a look at the special sections on Mumsnet where she can discuss her situation with people going through the same anguish.

A virtual hug for you both.

Hugs to you and your daughter MsLioness.

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m trying to support a friend who is in a very similar position to you right now and it’s a gruelling challenge for a grandmother, to support their child whilst coping with their own grief. My friend is finding the impossibly of ‘making everything right’ for the expectant parents very hard. As parents, we feel it’s our duty to protect our children from hurt, but sometimes it just can’t be done.

In this case, it probably was the last chance of a baby, but I very much hope that isn’t the case for your daughter.

I am so sad for you and your daughter especially. But just to say my daughter got pregnant at 38 and some in her prenatal group were into their 40s.

Fortunately I have never been through a trauma like this , so can only imagine your pain . Your daughter needs her Mum right now and I am sure you are there for her. Telling her she may well have another baby won't help her at this moment , she doesn't want another she wants the one she is grieving for. However in time she may well have a second child that will never replace the lost one but may help to heal. I am so sorry you are having to cope with such tragic news and I know you will be at your daughters side to comfort and support her. I can understand you feel lost and not sure how to cope ,but the love you have for your daughter will enable you to be at her side . My daughter had two miscarriages and a very unstable third pregnancy resulting in a premature birth . My granddaughter is now a happy healthy 6 year old ! Sending you and your daughter ' hugs' You will find the strength to support her.

I am so sorry for your loss. And it is a loss of all the hopes you had for your grandchild since the day your daughter told you she was pregnant. Don't let anyone minimise the grief you are feeling for the baby and the pain at seeing your own child upset. Too many times people ,even friends,will same the wrong words. Maybe because years ago we were told to forget these little ones who weren't strong enough for the world. Or comments that it was only 12 weeks. But it was your grandchild and you are entitled to feel that sorrow. Perhaps that's why you don't want to tell people in real life because you don't trust their responses. You don't have to tell anyone,just go on your own time line.

You never forget the one who didn’t make it.

I'm so sorry for your loss, sending kindest thoughts to you and your daughter
I am another who has been in your position and it hurts like hell, so happy to share with you that not one but two beautiful babies were born safely after that loss

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. How sad for your lovely daughter and all your family.
This happened to my next door neighbour some years ago. I think she told me because she knew I wouldn’t gossip in the road.
I know that she made a memory box for the baby she would have had. She placed in it a little toy, a letter to the baby, and a Mass card in the baby’s name as she knew what she’d wanted to call her child. She had a Mass of the Angels said at a local convent. They sent a beautiful Mass card.
Maybe in time something like this might help you and your daughter. ?

This is a very sad time for all of you MsLioness and each of you need time to grieve. You sound like a lovely caring Mother who wants to protect her Daughter. When your Daughter is ready you can sit down and talk together and share your feelings. In the meantime take care of yourself and see if you can find someone to talk to perhaps a good friend or anyone that you feel comfortable with. Sending kind thoughts your way .

Ive known a lot of women who have had 1st babys in their 40s . Its not too late.

My daughter is unable to have children sadly, but a few of her friends had first time babies in their late 30 s and early 40 s and one had another baby at 43. All were healthy bonny babies.
It is very upsetting, for her and for you too, but it’s definitely not too late and hope that if there is a next time all goes well. I am sure it will.

So sorry for your loss

As for the fear to be able to have kids, I had two kids a little older than she is right now.

I am so sorry for your daughter's loss and indeed your own. My eldest suffered four miscarriages. The first was the greatest by far. We did have a photo of the scan and will never forget what that baby looked like. They now have two children, healthy and happy. Try and think beyond this for your daughter and yourself. Think happy times will be ahead! .

That is so very sad.

You are allowed to feel sad for her - and also for yourself. Becoming a Grandma is a precious thing and it has been snatched away from you.

........ let us hope that there will be a new baby at some point in the future. She is not too old to conceive again.

I have been in your situation MsLioness,4 times tbh.
It is truly heartbreaking.
It`s something you get through but never over.
I am sure you will be supportive even in your grief.
Sending an air hug to you and your family.

MsLioness I am so sorry for your loss. As someone who miscarried a baby, I know how devastating it can be for all the family. My youngest son, who was born a year after my miscarriage is the most amazing, wonderful young man, who wouldn't have existed if my previous pregnancy had gone to plan. I hope there will be a 'Rainbow Baby' for your daughter. Even after 25 years I still think of what might have been, look at young women and wonder what my daughter would've grown up to be. But then I look at my son and feel truly blessed. How about planting something special in your garden? A rose or a small tree perhaps. Scatter some forget-me-not seeds. I have a silver forget- me -not with an angels wing on a silver chain. Maybe treat yourself and your daughter to something special. I hope you are able to feel more positive soon.

Here are a couple of links you may like to look at.

www.sands.org.uk/sites/default/files/SANDS-GRANDPARENTS-BOOKLET.pdf

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

MsLioness I have sent you a PM.

I’m devastated for you - and for your daughter. It’s hard to watch our children in pain no matter what their age. Maybe she could do with a big warm hug from her mum and a cry together. It might make you both feel better.

So sorry to hear this. My daughter had the same thing happen and it is devastating
She had so many problems but 12 weeks ago baby Charlie was born happy and healthy.
Just be there for your daughter and take care of yourself. Please make sure you daughters husband knows you are there to support him too as he provide feels he must be strong but he has lost a precious baby too.
Love and healing thoughts to all.