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Karen is my Name

(263 Posts)
Oriel Sun 25-Jul-21 11:46:40

I expect that most of you will be aware of the 'Karens'. The use of the name Karen as a go-to insult denoting a middle aged white woman who is ignorant, bossy, insensitive, vulgar and uncouth.

After around a year of seeing the term being used increasingly often I realised that it was having such a negative effect on me so I made the decision to change my name.

I wrote a post on Mumsnet the other day describing my situation and included a link to an Empathy Generator. You insert your own name to get an idea of how it feels to be actually called Karen and suffer constant insults.

I was unsure of the reception my post would get on Mumsnet but there were some lovely supportive comments. People were shocked at how they felt when they input their own name into the generator.

Here is the link if you wish to see it.

karenismyname.org/renamer

My reason for writing here is to find out if I am alone in changing my name for this reason? No-one on Mumsnet had changed their name or knew of anyone who had.

Blossoming Sun 25-Jul-21 11:49:58

I think it’s horrible the way the name ‘Karen’ is used to belittle women. I’m not called Karen but I can understand how you feel.

FannyCornforth Sun 25-Jul-21 11:51:45

You must feel so strongly to change your name. It’s very sad, but I do understand how you feel.
What do your friends and family think?

JaneJudge Sun 25-Jul-21 11:51:57

I can understand how you feel too flowers

Infinity2 Sun 25-Jul-21 11:53:56

I’ve never ever heard of what you’re describing, but the description of this female horror bag perfectly fits the Head of Housekeeping at a hotel I used to work in.
Her name was Sylvia.

Greenfinch Sun 25-Jul-21 11:57:11

I have never heard Karen being used in this way.It is a lovely name. Didn't it used to be Sharon and Tracy who were ridiculed?

Galaxy Sun 25-Jul-21 11:57:18

Karen is now just used to say shut up bitch you have an opinion I dont agree with. I saw it used about a woman who was anti abortion, I am pro choice but strangely enough I think people should be able to express their beliefs on abortion without being subjected to misogynistic name calling.

Kandinsky Sun 25-Jul-21 12:07:11

I’ve never heard this name used as an insult.
Is it used by younger women?

MawBe Sun 25-Jul-21 12:21:23

I expect that most of you will be aware of the 'Karens'. The use of the name Karen as a go-to insult denoting a middle aged white woman who is ignorant, bossy, insensitive, vulgar and uncouth.

After around a year of seeing the term being used increasingly often I realised that it was having such a negative effect on me so I made the decision to change my name

It is indeed a dreadful attitude and it is appalling that you should have felt so pressured and, indeed bullied, to go to these lengths.
However, US perceptions of names are different to those in this country.
Without wishing to cause offence, Kevin, Trevor, Sharon are all among names which have had negative connotations in the U.K. - not in the US
(please don’t jump on me for quoting these, my nephews and niece in Canada have these names so there is no prejudice on my part!)
The negative connotations can work the other way too.
The type of “Karen” quoted is typical in the US not necessarily here - think of our Hyacinth Bucket, would the average US citizen have any idea what we are talking about?
And don’t get me started on “Essex Girl”, “White Van Man” or “Blondes” in general . I think it was Dolly Parton who said something like “ I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.”
I am sad for OP though, because her parents chose that name for her and instead of feeling browbeaten into changing it, she should be proud of who she is.

Oriel Sun 25-Jul-21 12:23:07

Kandinsky

I’ve never heard this name used as an insult.
Is it used by younger women?

Here is an article written in 2020... I think it gives a very articulate account of what is meant by the term 'Karen'. It is used very frequently as you can see on the Karen is my Name website. I hope this explains things...
__________________________________
This is the article

Are you a Karen? If, like me, you’re a middle-aged, white woman with blonde-bobbed hair, then it is highly likely you are. And if, when things don’t go your way, you loudly demand to speak with the manager, then you are definitely a Karen. But a far more important question, at least according to the BBC, is: "How can white women not be Karens?"

Believe me, no woman wants to be a Karen. Karen is 2020’s go-to insult. It denotes a woman (and it is always a woman!) who is ignorant, bossy, insensitive, vulgar and uncouth.

Karen is more likely to be spotted in a supermarket or cheering on her son’s football team than at a Black Lives Matter demonstration or a Pride rally. She is not only racist and bigoted but, worse still, refuses to acknowledge her privilege.

The BBC is never slow to jump on a passing politically correct bandwagon, especially one that satiates its appetite for a youth audience. The combination of social media, cutting edge memes and woke ideas sets producers’ heads spinning with delight.

At least, nothing else can explain the BBC Sounds podcast No Country For Young Women. In the latest episode, presenter Sadia Azmat interrogates racism. So, naturally, she invites two white women, Charlotte Riley and Amelia Dimoldenberg, to reflect on their privileges.

In a much Tweeted extract that has since been removed, Azmat demands to know: "How can white women not be Karens?"

Rather than recoiling at the gross generalisation and the contemptuous nature of the insult, Riley and Dimoldenberg relish the opportunity to answer.

"Educate yourself! Read some books!" Dimoldenberg orders; with a pause between each word, because clearly Karens are thick as well as racist. Other helpful suggestions include: "be less loud" and "just shut up."

"Yeah, get out of the way basically," laughs Riley, before going on to explain: "I think a lot of the time when women are Karens it is because they are completely unwilling to accept that their whiteness is a privilege and, you know, instead they want to be treated in a special way because they are women."

So now it is clear: all white women are racist but only a superior few have special insight into their sins. The rest of us are vile Karens. Yet the sneering tone and curled-lip disgust of those crying "Karen!" reveals prejudice far more insidious than that demonstrated by any middle-aged mum.

Imagine, just for a moment, the outrage if a stereotypical name was chosen to caricature any other group. Listeners would, rightly, be horrified at the racist implications. But white women are, it seems, fair game. The fact they have no control over their skin colour is irrelevant; it is a mark of original sin and must be atoned for.

Karen name-calling is not just racist; it is also sexist. Women have long suffered from derogatory labels. If you’re considered too loud, ambitious, attractive, or bossy there will be a special insult just for you. Not that long ago, trendy young feminists challenged this linguistic sexism. But now misogyny is mainstream. When it comes to white women, insult away!

Those who finger-point and cry "Karen!" demonstrate, above all else, an ugly, elitist, class prejudice. The women singled-out and instructed to educate themselves are mostly working class or lower middle class. They are mocked for being uppity yet lacking the sophistication and correct ideas of their younger, more woke, better educated, sisters. These condescending overgrown teenagers assume that because they have read a book by Robin DiAngelo or Reni Eddo Lodge, because they can pepper their speech with words like "intersectional" and "microaggression", they are superior to everyone else.

Karens are ridiculed for being loud but no one shouts more loudly than a Karen-finder. Karens are shamed for complaining but no one complains more forcefully than an activist with a Twitter account. Karens are accused of prejudice by those who will draw upon any sexist, racist and elitist stereotype in order to signal their own virtue.

In the name of progress it is now acceptable to insult old people: "Ok Boomer!" White people: "Gammon!" And now women: "Karen!" Elitism, racism and sexism are all back only this time they are woke.

Joanna Williams is director of the Freedom, Democracy and Victimhood Project at the think tank, Civitas

lemsip Sun 25-Jul-21 12:24:30

I have two Karens in my extended family and they haven't given it a thought. Always treated with respect where ever they go.

Kate1949 Sun 25-Jul-21 12:25:14

I've heard it a lot. I think it's awful. I know two lovely Karens.

FindingNemo15 Sun 25-Jul-21 12:25:14

The name Karen is Scandinavian and means "pure".

lemongrove Sun 25-Jul-21 12:29:57

Hello Oriel and I do know a Karen who has changed her name for those reasons....she is a teacher and got a lot of stick!

eazybee Sun 25-Jul-21 12:31:53

I worked with three Karens at the same time, who were all lovely, and very good at their jobs.
There was another Karen in the same job who fitted the given unflattering description perfectly.

Oriel Sun 25-Jul-21 12:34:29

MawBe

^I expect that most of you will be aware of the 'Karens'. The use of the name Karen as a go-to insult denoting a middle aged white woman who is ignorant, bossy, insensitive, vulgar and uncouth^.

After around a year of seeing the term being used increasingly often I realised that it was having such a negative effect on me so I made the decision to change my name

It is indeed a dreadful attitude and it is appalling that you should have felt so pressured and, indeed bullied, to go to these lengths.
However, US perceptions of names are different to those in this country.
Without wishing to cause offence, Kevin, Trevor, Sharon are all among names which have had negative connotations in the U.K. - not in the US
(please don’t jump on me for quoting these, my nephews and niece in Canada have these names so there is no prejudice on my part!)
The negative connotations can work the other way too.
The type of “Karen” quoted is typical in the US not necessarily here - think of our Hyacinth Bucket, would the average US citizen have any idea what we are talking about?
And don’t get me started on “Essex Girl”, “White Van Man” or “Blondes” in general . I think it was Dolly Parton who said something like “ I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.”
I am sad for OP though, because her parents chose that name for her and instead of feeling browbeaten into changing it, she should be proud of who she is.

I think the names you list were used in a jokey way. In the case of Karen it is so much worse. There is real hatred behind its use. I don't know why older white women are being targeted but it is becoming obvious that they are. Obviously it is far, far worse when you are actually called Karen.

I had been weighing up whether to go to the hassle and expense of changing my name and then I saw someone carrying a placard stating 'We say Karen to be nice, what we mean is c*nt'. I knew then that I had to do it. I didn't realise how badly it had affected me until I actually changed my name and felt massive relief.

Can you believe that there is even a film due to be released soon called 'Karen'. You can guess the scenario... Lets put it this way its not a comedy!

The Karen meme did start in the States (I believe in 2011) but certainly for the past 2 or 3 years it is prevalent in the UK.

Chewbacca Sun 25-Jul-21 12:35:22

I read the thread on Mumsnet and followed the link in the OP; typed in my Christian name and realised, first hand, just how denigrating and belittling it is to have your name used as a catch all slur. It's using a woman's name as a lazy, sexist and misogynistic insult. This isn't just a young person's thing at all; quite recently we had 3 GN posters using the term "being a Karen" to close down a discussion and any opposing opinions. Thankfully, all 3 were later banned but they demonstrated how people, of any age, can shut down the opinions, thoughts and experiences of women.

Chewbacca Sun 25-Jul-21 12:37:04

lazy, sexist and racist misogynistic insult

nanna8 Sun 25-Jul-21 12:37:43

It is a British thing. We don’t have those connotations here with that particular name. I’d ignore it , feel sorry for them as it says more about those judgemental people than ever it does about Karens. All the Karens I have met have been lovely,kind and bubbly people.

Granmarderby10 Sun 25-Jul-21 12:49:01

I love the name Karen and can’t for the life of me think why it has become the subject of such abuse. I suspect it is an Australian “thing”, maybe there was a whole generation of Karen’s. it’s what I consider a fairly modern name but obviously feminine, I recall there were a lot of Sharon’s about when I was in primary school but they got over it! I suggested Karen as a possibility for youngest Granddaughter but it was considered ancient confused

Chewbacca Sun 25-Jul-21 12:49:30

nanna8 It started off in America, as the OP stated. Whilst you might not have a Karen as catch all term for women where you are, there are others around the world; the Australian "Sheila" for example. Very hard to just ignore it when your name is being used by half the world as a term for a lazy, over privileged, greedy, racist, opinionated white woman.

Oriel Sun 25-Jul-21 12:56:24

nanna8

It is a British thing. We don’t have those connotations here with that particular name. I’d ignore it , feel sorry for them as it says more about those judgemental people than ever it does about Karens. All the Karens I have met have been lovely,kind and bubbly people.

Sadly it is very much a British thing.

I'll try to explain the inexplicable...

Its not so much a connotation with the name, its used to abuse a section of society, namely white middle aged women. The name Karen was very popular in 50's and 60's so by virtue of this fact Karens are now middle aged to elderly. I don't know why it is felt that these women need to be silenced but apparently they do.

The name is used as a coverall slur.

An example... if someone is, say, being racist, or vile, or abusive instead of saying 'you're a racist' 'you're being vile' 'you're abusive' the go-to word is to say that you're 'a Karen'.

Being a Karen is the catch all word to describe any negative behaviour. If you go to the link I posted in my first post you'll be able to see how the name is being used.

Galaxy Sun 25-Jul-21 12:59:18

It's not just used about racism anymore, certainly not in this country, it's used to say shut up about anything really.

Oriel Sun 25-Jul-21 13:14:15

FannyCornforth

You must feel so strongly to change your name. It’s very sad, but I do understand how you feel.
What do your friends and family think?

Yes, it wasn't something I did lightly but in the end I thought life's too short to be embarrassed by your name.

My friends and family fully understood and supported my need to change it. It was my stepson who first told me about the abuse of my name. Strangely, I haven't found it at all difficult to use my new name. I think I'd grown to dislike my old name so much because of the negativity surrounding it that I never wanted to use it again. I feel so relieved not to have to use it.

I now have my passport, driving licence, bank accounts, insurance, healthcare, etc, etc all in my new name. It took a while to sort it all out (mainly due to the virus) but it was worth it.

FannyCornforth Sun 25-Jul-21 13:18:12

Thank you Oriel

Like many people, I’m fascinated by names.
I started a thread on here called something like ‘What name would you chose for yourself?’
How did you go about choosing your new name?