Wedding gift

Yeah! Newatthis it’s a tricky business weddings these days. Sooo much planning and expense for everyone involved. I was much more comfortable when one nephew and fiancé requested a pair of the biggest white bath towels you can find or some massive wine glasses. Another nephew on the invitation said just be there in your bestest clobber!

When DS got married a close family friend suddenly wasn't able to come she said she would add to the amount she had planned for a gift, the cost of an outfit, travel and hotel. I thought that was lovely of her and much appreciated by DS.

£40 is more than adequate in my opinion.

I gave £100 once to my friend's son for his wedding. She had indicated that she thought £100 was a fair amount for a gift given that 'you get a good day out'. I didn't really know him or his bride as we live some distance away. No thank you letter and he was divorced 6 months later! Never again!

when my elder niece got married, we offered a substantial amount to pay for their honeymoon. Job done! The younger one showed no signs of getting married but did have a partner, so after a while we relented and said they could have the same amount. We were then told they were going to Vegas, and that it would buy a lot of ice cream (not a flippant remark either).
Then, when they did decide to get married we were sent a 'poem' requesting vouchers from a trendy store!

Similar situation here. Friends of my husband. Very well off couple. Asked for specific amount towards an activity on honeymoon. £200 was requested. I was furious but husband sent it. Still furious!

Nonogran

On principle I wouldn’t give money. I think it’s crass to even ask for it. (So they spend it frivolously whilst perhaps you have to budget carefully?)
In the past, I’ve given a voucher (eg £50) to put towards something for their household . Young couples always need something even if it’s only tea towels or a lamp. In effect it amounts to the same thing I suppose but it “sits” better with me.
However, in your shoes, given you are not close etc a card would be my choice& leave it at that.

Maybe the couple are older/second marriage or like my daughter and her partner who have been together for some time and have the essentials. It is better to give money if the couple ask rather than an unwanted item or voucher they might not use. In some countries it is the custom to give money often at the reception.
Just give what you can afford if you wish to, or a card if you prefer not to give money.

I think £50 is a sensible amount providing you can afford it x

Many ask for money now as they live together and have a home already.

Back in my youth, if you were invited to a wedding, you always sent a gift even if you weren’t attending.

One of my nephews married in secret recently. Not really a surprise as they have lived together for years and have a ten year old. I sent his brother and sister a cheque when they each married, although we weren’t invited to either wedding, (one in Las Vegas and the other very select, only about 12 there).

We haven’t seen this nephew for years, no fall out or anything, but he doesn’t send Christmas or birthday cards to us, the siblings do. I am not bothering to send him a cheque as times have changed.

His mum, my sister, might wonder why.

We have had a few wedding in recent years, and none of the couples have had a wedding list, in the way that we did when we got married in the 80's early 90s. They all enclosed a poem with the invitation explaining that they had everything they needed for the home, and please could we help pay for their honeymoon? I was shocked at first tbh, but am so used to it now, it seems to be the modern way. I agree that £50 would be a sensible sum, dependent on your own financial situation, obviously.

If you aren’t going then a card with £50 cheque or gift card would be nice . If you are going to the wedding (and a lot of bride and grooms ask for money these days) then I think £100 from each guest is about right ?

In Denmark, where I live now and in Scotland where I grew up a wedding gift was expected of you if you had been invited to the wedding, whether you accepted the invitation or not.

As others have said, I would work out what I would have expected to spend on a present if I had been sending one, and send that amount instead.

As you are not close to either the bride or groom, I would chose an amount towards the lower scale of what I had been prepared to spend.

Give what you’d have given if you were giving normal gift to them. For me it’s usually around the £50 mark. I wouldn’t give more or less just because they’re asking for cash.

A close family member is getting married next year and may well ask for money perhaps towards a spectacular honeymoon! They both have had their own homes for some years so there is nothing domestically that they need. I am fine with this and expect to give reasonable amount. However her mother is horrified by people doing this so I expect to get fall out over it. Be interested to know other views as I intend to give money no matter the flak- the happy couple are what matters anyway surely?!

I would not give money to a couple I am not close to and don't see much. Certainly not £50! Or maybe I am just mean? If you are not even going, I would just send a nice card saying how much you appreciated the invite.

Thank you all for your replies! I have a much better idea now as to how much would be an appropriate amount to gift.

Well I'm not sure which category I fall into Silverlining as I am a mere youngster of 78. My 16 year old granddaughter says that I'm young in my head.

On principle I wouldn’t give money. I think it’s crass to even ask for it. (So they spend it frivolously whilst perhaps you have to budget carefully?)
In the past, I’ve given a voucher (eg £50) to put towards something for their household . Young couples always need something even if it’s only tea towels or a lamp. In effect it amounts to the same thing I suppose but it “sits” better with me.
However, in your shoes, given you are not close etc a card would be my choice& leave it at that.

Younger people may not think it’s a bit cheeky but the older amongst us might.

silverlining48

And we paid for our own honeymoon in Benidorm. It’s a bit of a cheeky ask.

I don't think it's cheeky. It's possible the couple have already set up home together and have no need of the usual household type gifts. Better to ask for something useful rather than receive copious amounts of stuff surplus to requirements. I suggest £50 too, providing you can comfortably afford it.

And we paid for our own honeymoon in Benidorm. It’s a bit of a cheeky ask.

Unless you are very close I would send a card and good wishes. I wouldn’t have expected a gift from anyone not able to attend my wedding, which was 51 years ago today.

I think £50 is a good sum to give in the circumstances but would give more (if you can afford it) if they are close to you.

Yes £50 is about right

I would think that£50 is about right. £100 if you are feeling flush as obviously you won't have the expense of travel etc.