Big weddings versus more intimate ceremonies

I hope you all have a wonderful day, Sago.

We gave our DC the same “wedding” fund, but to spend on whatever they wanted (wedding, house, travel, whatever) and they all had the day that suited them and their partners. So we had a big castle do, a smart evening city wedding, a homespun barn celebration after a ceremony at a private house, and a registry office service with just the bride, groom and two witnesses going for a meal afterwards.

Every one was perfect, because they were just what each couple wanted, and that is, quite simply, all that matters.

I can remember going to a big Scottish wedding many decades ago. No money was spared. After the wedding the bride and groom spent their honeymoon in the tiny distant new house thay had just about managed to afford to buy. The couple were young and the groom not then well-paid.

I couldn't help thinking how much better it would have been if instead of a wedding to beat all weddings the brides father had given the couple the most of the money that was spent so that they could have bought a better house near where they worked and been able to go away for at least a short honeymoon.

Do not spend more than you can afford, having a big expensive wedding is fine if daddy is paying, for most couples it would be better to have a simple ceremony and a party in the local pub.
There is a lot of truth in the “more expensive wedding the shorter the marriage”.

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The wedding sounds lovely and I think that there are a lot of couples opting for a more intimate wedding that is special rather than a lavish impersonal affair. After all it is about the couple and the vows they take not the expensive trappings. Good luck to them.

Congratulations Sago to you all - isn't it wonderful to be able to move around and celebrate the couple's happiness together?
I'm sure you had a wonderful time in Dublin
Beautiful reading, so meaningful
Long life & happiness to the bride and groom

We went many years ago to a lutheren wedding between a german young man and a french young woman who worked in england. The wedding was near Lubeck and I loved the symbolism . The bride and groom came together in a car with flowers along the windows. All the grooms family and friends stood along one side of the path leading into the church. The brides family stood on the other side. So as the two young people progressed up the path, the brides mother walked behind with the bridegrooms father and so on and so that all the congregation join together and walk in behind the couple and sit together showing the joining of the families. It was a very happy occasion and I thought it was lovely that you did not have one side with a couple of pews of people and the other side with perhaps twenty pews full. It was the total group of the congregation wishing the joy to the couple now going to share their lives together. So there was no sense of competition between the families to look better or have more or better presents. Have never forgotten it and the lovely and positive occasion it was

In 1985 when most weddings were large, ours was under 40 people, including ourselves. I felt cheated at the time, but now, 36 years later I am so glad I can name every single person that attended, why they were there and what they meant to us.

I had a big Wendy most puppy I did not know nor my husband .I’m sure my mother never invited who I wanted it was horrible Would have loved a tiny wedding and S few people at a meal I told my mother it was not what I wanted total waste of money

Have been Churchwarden for a couple of weddings when limit was 30. Both were lovely and couples so happy to be getting married at last after several tries. Next wedding will be 100 guests and I’m NOT looking forward to that at all from a health perspective. ?

One of my children had a big wedding with marquees in the grounds of a beautiful hotel in the country, a string quartet, a band and disco in different marquees , hotel catering for the wedding breakfast, a lavish buffet in the evening and hundreds attended. Absolutely no expense spared. It was a happy day, but later that year my other child was married in a quiet ceremony with a meal for the closest friends and relatives in a local restaurant. Somehow that seemed more intimate, personal, and special. I felt much more at ease with the quiet event.

My daughter and son in law got married on an island in the Firth of Forth. She had her sister as Bridesmaid, I was mother of the bride and the groom's mum was best man. . 5 plus the minister who had crossed with us on the ferry. Weddings don't come much smaller than that.

My granddaughter put off her wedding twice, mainly because of Covid and travel restrictions that would prevent her partner's family attending. In the end they decided to go ahead with a quiet ceremony with just 12 guests and which they live-streamed so that those unable to travel could watch.

I was lucky enough to be one of the 12 guests and it was a magical day. They intend to have a party next August to celebrate and welcome guests from abroad, but it will be in a Church Hall, self catered and low key - an ideal solution, I think.

On the other end of the scale I have just been shown photos of a wedding attended by a friend where the reception cost an eye-watering £45,000, £10,000 of which was for floral decorations alone!

I know which celebration I would rather be at!

Dressed not gressed!

We had the wedding neither of us wanted, all Aunts and Uncles rather than the people we would rather have had but that was standard for 1979. Fast forward to my DD marrying in 2002 she wasn't that keen on getting married but her OH was so it was a very small wedding party of 10 including her 18 month old daughter. They got married in an hotel and would had a very nice lunch afterwards, The hotel was very good and did the food she asked for and some how we all had 2 desserts but were only charged for one! The next day I did an open house at our house where I did a running buffet for anyone that want to come. I did all the cooking for that and made the cake. My daughters dress was actually a bridesmaids dress bought from a bridal shop as she didn't want a "white" dress and I found it on the sale rail for £30, it fitted perfectly and she looked gorgeous. As it was a lovely lilac colour we went for that colour as a theme, everything from a fancy hair scrunchy to the napkins were an exact match and all were found just by looking around the local shops. All guests the next day came in jeans and jumpers as requested by my daughter as " getting all gressed up for one day" was enough for her. Everyone said it was so relaxed and special, they are still talking about it even now.

My brother worked in the same office as his then girlfriend. One lunchtime they quietly went to the registry office and got married. They told us after the event. They had both been married before and wanted no fuss.

My son and his partner have booked their wedding for next year when they will have been together 10 years. They have booked a registry office that holds 17 people and will hopefully have a meal afterwards. I cope better with small events so it will suit me. His partner comes from a very big family so if they had done it any other way
It would have been very expensive which they can’t afford or people would have been hurt.

I think the whole wedding business has got out of hand. All sorts of pricey gimmicks such as sweet carts and photo booths, hen weekends abroad, destination weddings, requests for money to fund exotic honeymoons etc etc

Obv not all modern weddings are like that, but many of them are. I don't find them romantic at all, and so often guests are expected to go to huge expense and inconvenience to attend these showy affairs.

I really hope smaller simpler weddings, where the actual marriage that's at the centre of the occasion doesn't get drowned by all the extraneous stuff, become more common post covid.

How lovely to be able to share such a precious day with them.
Covid has changed my attitude to weddings. Before I felt it was a great opportunity for families to get together, a chance to mix with old and young who you may not see otherwise ,a chance to connect. Now the idea of being in a space with lots of people of all ages fills me with fear. So would much prefer a small gathering in a well aired place and really wouldn't mind if I weren't invited to
any sort of big event at all. Saddens me that I even have to think this way.

I think a large wedding is a lovely excuse for extended family to get together and if that is what the couple want too- fine by me! The only other time I would get to see many of the family is at a funeral. I would be disappointed if someone in our family had a wedding and I wasn't invited. The situation with Covid was understandable, but I wouldn't want it to become the norm.

A love a small intimate wedding, I went to Gretna Green with my ex husband and our 2 sets of parents and it was perfect. Had 2 parties in the different countries for friends and family to attend and I got to wear my dress 3 times. I'm so glad I never spent a fortune on the wedding and out it into our first home instead.
Have a lovely day, the craic will be great in Dublin.

When I got married in 1970 I had a big wedding in as much as we had all our family and friends but it was certainly not an expensive one. Mum-in-law made mine and the bridesmaids' dresses. The church service wasn't until 4.30 and we had a buffet when we arrived at the hall - my old school hall - no fancy decorations or table settings. We had a DJ for the evening and family took it in turns to 'man' the bar. I love looking at the photos as everyone is up dancing and having an amazing time. We didn't have any money left for a honeymoon but a very memorable and amazing wedding day and have been happily married for 51 years.

We were in a similar position. Big family wedding postponed a year due to covid. But a small, more intimate, wedding went ahead on the original date. The happy couple did the legal bit and we had a small reception and a weekend at the hotel. It was absolutely lovely and everyone enjoyed themselves. Most of our close family live distances away and we hadn't seen them for a long time so it was a shame they couldn't attend. But the main event will be next year, and hopefully we can have a big get together.

I had a very small wedding about 50yrs ago - I'm sure that 'deep down' I knew that it was a mistake.

No family or life-long friends there - just people who we'd known for a few weeks through work.

I don't KNOW if I'd have had a bigger wedding - even if I'd been marrying Mr.Right as I'm not keen on being the centre of attention.