Big weddings versus more intimate ceremonies

Congratulations to the happy couple and Hope you all have a lovely day.

I do hope so. It’s meant to be an occasion to celebrate and have fun with friends and family - not show off how many fancy things you can buy. I doubt anybody even remembers what colour napkins were had or how perfect the table arrangements were. Brides put themselves under far too much stress trying to outdo each other.

We married in a registry office with just 6 friends in attendance. What mattered to us was getting married, not throwing a party. My mother has a rule that says that the more you spend on the wedding, the shorter the marriage.

Oops - I wish your son and his future wife every happiness.

sometimes I think large weddings lose the meaning of the day. How many can we invite, shall we ask for money or gifts, expensive honeymoon to Thailand, at the end of the day we all want to share with our loved ones, but aunt and uncle, never seen for years, brides banning sisters because she doesn’t want her hair done the way a bride demands. It’s all got rather out of hand I feel, and the actual most important thing, the binding of two people together, is forgotten in the stress of putting on a show. Cynical, maybe, realistic yes.

Surely not a rule Humbert!

Yes. A very special day indeed.
Are they having a party of any sort later Sago?

There was a lovely story from (I think) Germany about a couple getting married during lockdown in their lunchreak after years of engagement, date changes and planning. They said it was the most meaningful, magical and perfect thing they could have done. The registrar had called them to say they were closing at lunchtime - they were told, almost in passing, that there were cancelled spaces if they were fed up waiting.... Yes! They were.

I hope you all have a lovely and meaningful wedding day and that the couple have a strong, long, and loving marriage.

It’s a very personal thing really isn’t it? We had a very quiet wedding with immediate family and a few friends. Even that turned out to be bigger than we had planned! I would have hated anything any bigger than that and cringed at the thought of walking down the aisle! We were at a family wedding at the weekend. It was a fairly large, very jolly affair but the church service was lovely and very meaningful. This couple had been together for ten years, know each other inside out, established themselves in good careers. I suppose a wedding was just the culmination of all that. It seems to be the way these days.

i hope every couple has the day of their choice
that is what is important

have a lovely time sago

Wishing you all a lovely day and many congratulations to the happy couple.

Your children have chosen the wedding they want, which sounds lovely, for them; I hope you will all have a wonderful day.
Is it necessary to imply criticism, ever so subtly, of those who decide on larger celebrations?

* eazybee* I am not being critical, I find it very interesting how COVID has changed the way we do so many things and how many weddings are big because it’s what people expect.
I just wanted other peoples opinions.

I’m sure there are posters out there who think it’s a miserable way to marry as well as those that think it’s really special.

I do hope you and your family will enjoy this special day. There are many ways of marking a wedding. I think it’s “each to their own.” From my perspective I have 4 AC all of whom were married pre Covid-19. They all had fairly “big” weddings. Each of the 4 days was so special and, looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing. I particularly treasure the memories of the beautifully decorated churches and the wonderful singing and the sound of the church bells afterwards.

Congrats to you Sago and your family.
Hope you all have a lovely, special day

I have never been a big wedding enthusiast, my ideal wedding is me, my spouse-to-be and two witnesses. Didn't quite achieve that but got close.

Having said that, I have enjoyed weddings with lots of people there, but they are very distinct from Big Weddings. The nicest one was in France, when DS's best friend married a French woman. Church wedding, reception, (salad and a slice of gateau) in the school dining hall, long formica topped tables and benches. Those coming from England stayed with different members of the French family. Under 25s were told to bring a sleeping bag and were bedded down in an old barn with lots of hay where they could be as noisly and get as drunk as they liked without disturbing anyone. On the Sunday there was a big family and guests barbecue, before we all set off home.

I have been to similar weddings, including DS's and loved them, but my experience is thatt the Bigger the Wedding the faster the divorce, the marriage destroyed by the debts stacked up having the Big Wedding.

I hope your son and his new wife will be very happy Sago.

I do think that it’s ridiculous to suggest as some have done that those who choose to have bigger weddings do so to ‘show off’, or that their marriages won’t last though. As long as it’s the couple themselves that choose who they want to be there, there’s every chance that they will be as happy as any other couple - and actually, some people have many friends and big families, so why not? Where it goes wrong is when families interfere and insist that certain guests are present, because families like that are also more likely to interfere with the newlyweds’ lives too.

I don’t think Covid will have an impact, people have been apart for so long that now they are able to, many will go all out to celebrate their marriages, it’s something to look forward to in these bleak times.

We got married in May this year - should have been last but we all know what happened there. We went to Gretna Green with our children and partners and two close friends. We were a party of 11 - including our almost 2 year old granddaughter who was my flower girl. It was just what we wanted - obviously a second time for us both and we wouldn't have changed a thing - it was perfect. I'm sure it's probably not to everyone's taste and each to their own ?

Sorry, Casdon, but that has been my experience.

It’s not been my experience at all Monica, I’m from a large and close family, and all our weddings have been large when you add in spouses’ families and friends. I think there’s a big difference between large because you have a large group of family and friends, and large because you want a big showy wedding so invite people you don’t know we’ll just to show off - I haven’t been to any of those weddings I’m glad to say.

Well, I did make that distinction in my post, complete with capital letters for the showy kind of Big Wedding, the kind, that so often do not last and also described a big wedding (lower case) ie,lots of people present but in an unshowy way, where my experience is a 100% success rate.

You and I are saying exactly the same thing.

I think the past 18 months has changed some perspectives. I work with several young people; two young women that had wedding plans last year. The plans had to be changed several times, but they did indeed get married with long white gown, dinner and dancing. They had to adjust their guest lists and venues several times.

I felt bad for them, and there was a lot of stress because of the changes, but they agreed that the weddings were lovely and much less expensive than originally planned. Did they really need their 3rd cousins to be in attendance? Not really, they found.

I think smaller, more intimate weddings may be the trend for the near future. I hope so, since I believe wedding planning has gone over the top in the last while. We will have some weddings in our family next year, and I do hope they are smaller.

I wasn’t saying that you had said it specifically Monica, sorry if you got that impression, a number of posters had said things, about brides trying to outdo each other, more money being spent meaning the wedding wouldn’t last, them showing off etc. - I just think everybody should do it their own way, but not be critical of the way other people choose to do it if it’s different to their own choice, and I think as you said that’s what you were saying too.

What is a big wedding? how many guests ?

I had about 20 guests at mine (and most of these were my mums friends). Sandwiches and sausage rolls in the back garden, simple no frills wedding.

Given everything is so much bigger than it was then I would say up to 80-100 is a big wedding. I am sure others will disagree.

I like the idea of smaller ones as there is a fighting chance you might actually be able to have a conversation with all the guests.

Someone’s mum said the more that people spend on that one day the shorter the marriage. Our simple wedding has lasted 52 years. Not sure how sometimes, but that is another story.

Anniebach

What is a big wedding? how many guests ?

I’d say 50 max is fine. My dad was terminally ill when I got married 40 years ago. We reduced numbers to relieve the stress in him and it was a lovely day. Everyone commented on how nice it was.