A few minutes of tv . I am now an arch-criminal

How nasty are they? Your house,your rules.

I don't think that the young realise quite how knackered we oldies get when looking after energetic children, and how desperately we need to have breaks and chill out whilst the little ones watch a bit of TV. Thank God for the Octonauts, I used to think - and for YouTube now that the kids are older.

To be honest if DD had managed a full week at work, GS was still alive and I was ready to do it all again next week, that was all she wanted. How we made it through to the end of the week was up to me.

How dare your DD/DS "tell you off" when you are providing them with free child care 3 days a week! How dare they! They should be grovelling on their knees and thanking you for giving up your time to do this!

When looking after my GC my DDs told me the general rules that they parent by, but left me to make my own decisions based on each situation when they are in my care. If they cannot respect you enough to do that, nor recognise that caring for a 2 year old gets harder as you get older, then they simply do not deserve to have your services.

Tell them - make it clear what YOUR rules are.

Perhaps, MittensMum you should show your adult child this thread. I'm sure they'll get the gist of what posters think of their behaviour, and maybe, just maybe, they'll give you the respect you deserve. At the very least, you need to let them know how you feel and how much they have upset you. They do not deserve all you are doing for them, to be honest.

Lucca

Callistemon

Is it extra if it was a sleepover?

Oh don’t say that ! You’ll get told no child should be allowed to stay overnight at grandparents until they are 21…..

Ha ha!
One stayed recently to keep me company and look after me. She's only 9.
I suppose should pay her. ?

It seems to me that an awful lot of GP's are taken advantage of, and that it is an expectation by their children that they take on childcare, for free, whilst they go back to work. ( I appreciate that this does not apply to everyone, and that there is a lot of gratitude from many who ask their parents to look after their children).

What seems to be forgotten by some of these children though, is that their parents are aging, and get tired and that it is very hard work keeping a toddler entertained for hours on end. In a nursery setting, it's very different - one person alone isn't responsible for the care of the children (though there will be a key worker) and these people are considerably younger than most GP's so have the energy to be constantly on the go with them for hours on end. Even so, within a nursery setting, there will be quiet periods set aside which might even include (dare I say it) a small amount of educational tv.

I'm afraid that if I had been spoken to in that manner there is no way I would have let it go unchallenged and I would be pointing out to them that if they didn't like it then they could jolly well do without my help and dig into their bank account and pay for childcare that is more suited to their stringent requirements.

The selfishness of some adult children is beyond belief! They need a sharp lesson in good manners and respect and need to realise just how fortunate they are to have parents who are willing to take on the extremely demanding and tiring role of full time (or virtually full time) childcare for FREE, whilst they go back to full time work. (Particularly if said parent is 70, or approaching it - goodness, it's wearing enough in your 50's and 60's).

These adult children might be GP's themselves one day - I wonder how they will feel when they are expected to be full time, on the go all the time, childminders by their offspring when they are in their 60's and 70's!!

3 days a week at 70 you are a walking miracle.l feel the parents are selfish expecting you to do that much childcare.Tell them you can only do 1 day let them sort the other 2 days out.20 mins is nothing in your position.

Callistemon

Is it extra if it was a sleepover?

Oh don’t say that ! You’ll get told no child should be allowed to stay overnight at grandparents until they are 21…..

I do wish you would return MittensMum with some more information such as, did the parents ask you to do 3 days a week childminding, if so, how did you feel about that? or did you volunteer, I doubt whether it's the the latter, because it's such a big undertaking. If it's the former, do they pay you for your time.

To the mother who believes we should learn from what parents are doing now rather than what we did. As you state your child is around 8 I think, I presume you are no older than mid 40s, possibly younger. We've all been your age, but you've never been our age. You have no idea how tiring things become once the menopause and possibly other health associated conditions kick in. For most there is a general slowing down. As Lemongrove wisely pointed out that's why older women don't become mothers, at least not naturally. Believe me, hands on toddler entertaining and the few years beyond that is very, very tiring after a certain age and quiet hiatuses are required and in any case as Chewbacca posted we do all have lives beyond perpetual child rearing as much as we love our grandchildren.

I am appalled at the way you have been treated.

Home based childcare is absolutely exhausting.

Assuming the parents are employed full time, and not self employed, then they will have fixed working hours, let's assume 9-5

The average commute that I hear people talk about appears to be about an hour each way. Parents can used this as a bit of "down time" whether they are listening to something on the radio or an audio book etc in the car, or on a train.

The childcare provider is therefor working from 8-6, at least two hours a day more than the parents.

Assuming the parents are employed, they will likely to entitled to two short breaks and a lunch break, where they should get right away from their work.

The childcare provider doesn't have this luxury. What other job doesn't allow ANY breaks during the working day, whether the employee chooses to take them or not.

To expect a grandparent to work solidly for 10 hours a day with NO down time at all, and then to castigate them for how they choose to care for the child, is frankly, insulting. Even if the parents are paying the grandparent, it's still unfair to expect an older person to have the energy, either physical or mental, to keep up with a young child, without any kind of a break.

As with many other posters, I'd be saying to the parents that you understand that they don't want their child watching TV, but you just cannot keep up with him for 10 full on hours, and they maybe would be more comfortable with him going to nursery instead, where they will have a wider range of activities for him, and younger, fitter, staff to care for him.

(And I suspect that care will include an element of TV/DVDs.)

Kerching! ??????

A ball park figure of around.... ooh now lemme see.
£900 for mates' rates.

Excellent! How much for 2 days full care, feeding them 3 meals per day, plus snacks, 2 sleepovers, entertainment and petrol costs? And can I charge them for the child seats for my car? Swimming pool charges? Cinema tickets? Popcorn? A trip to the charity shop to buy new jigsaws and boxed games? The bottle of gin I need when they've gone home?

I'm not sure, but I'll say yes, just to stir the pot a bit, as it were.

Is it extra if it was a sleepover?

They'll appreciate that, I'm sure.

Thanks MissAdventure, I'm drafting an invoice for my DS & DIL now!

The average cost of sending a child under two to a nursery for 25 hours per week (part time) has risen to £7,160 in 2021, compared to £6,800 in 2020. A part-time childminder place is on average £6,150 a year in 2021, which is similar to the amount parents could expect to pay in 2020.9 Jun 2021

Sorry you’ve been made to feel like this. You’re looking after a very young child three days a week, and they told you off! Flabbergasted!

Also. What is wrong with a child watching TV or a DVD? Some of my best childhood memories are post school telly, with a snack. The Monkees! Bewitched! Blue Peter! I turned out ok.

We didn’t have a tv when I was a toddler. But my children watched all sorts when little. Postman Pat etc. They’ve also turned out fine. We all need, at every age, some downtime. TV can provide that perfectly.

Chewbacca

So if Granny sticks the 18 month old in front of the TV, yeah, Granny is wrong. But a 3 year old is different. However, the parents' direct instructions should be followed. If Granny doesn't want to follow the rules, Granny doesn't need to watch the child.

Claiming you know it all because you raised your kids is irrelevant. Times have changed, and today's world has different rules and different problems. Grandparents make better carers if they keep up to date and follow the parents instructions.

Times haven't just changed for you oldmom; they've also changed for grandparents too. We're doing you a favour in looking after your children for free so that you can go about your business. We don't have to do this you know. We have hobbies, jobs of our own, friends to see and club memberships to attend; we've done our time of child raising and so what were doing for you now is a favour. You have every right to dictate how many minutes you child sits in front of a tv screen; you have every right to demand that your child is fed to your specific requirements. But not when your leaving your child in my care, at my house, in my time. Go and pay a professional the going rate for that.

Today's world does have different rules and these are ours!

Yes agree with all of that Chewbacca, if MittensMum has been asked to look after her grandchild for 3 days a week by the parents, absolutely a favour and not a small one either!

Professional childminders locally charge £4.50 per hour per child.
So a quick calculation will show the OP how much money she is saving her grandson's parents each week.

We use the television sparingly in my setting and I'm very conscious of what they watch. During the school holidays the five children here are ages 3 to 9 years.
Our current favourite programmes are the wonderful animations of some of the Julia Donaldson stories on the Amazon Prime channel.
The younger ones enjoy the Super Simple phonics and numbers songs on YouTube.

We all enjoyed watching some of the Olympic events (especially the swimming as most of them have lessons), seeing the Union Jack being raised and hearing our national anthem.

Used wisely, television can be a window to the wider world and expand children's horizons.

My daughter knows I spoil my grandson, that's partly why she asked me to stay one week a year. I don't break serious rules, but sweets/ice cream/screen time I am flexible with and if daughter doesn't like it I'll not stay again.

Good grief when I first became a grandparent I was still under 60 and I found it tiring then, so ten years on, I can only imagine, three days a week, that's a lot. They don't seem to appreciate how much time you are giving in time at an age when child minding the very young is extremely tiring. I think they have a cheek criticising you, haven't read all the posts yet but will go back and do that now.

If we had our grandchildren for the day when they were toddlers, we often sat down together to watch something like The Gruffalo or Stick Man for some quiet time usually after an outdoor activity, we needed that interlude as much as they did! Frankly their parents were grateful and were happy to let us set our own agenda.

Def Jog on, they are being very unreasonable