A few minutes of tv . I am now an arch-criminal

Oh how one wishes you could think up a suitable quick and witty reply at the time. I would point out to the relevant parent that somehow you managed to drag them up although you obviously failed in the respect for the aged department. What a cheek, do they never put the tele on at all. Seriously three days is a lot, I am just a bit older and know I couldn't do whole days now (10 hours or so). I think a gentle fright might be good, say you are thinking you might have to drop a day and see where the conversation goes.

That's clever luluaugust then the balls in their court. Just hope I can remember that one of I end up in a similar situation.

If Oldmum really is an older mum she may feel a little differently when her children are producing grandchildren and it’s her turn to be asked to help out with childcare.
I was an ‘older mum’ myself, now 74 and have four grandchildren under 7 who I look after at various times. Most of us in our 70s have an array of medical problems - I get chronic back pain amongst other things.
I am lucky that both my daughters in law accept whatever I think is best in the way of childcare.
Incidentally when I used to pick one grandchild up from a fabulous and really expensive private nursery at the particular time I used to pick her up all the children were having their TV time.

I suggest the parents get someone else to look after their child three days a week (no doubt you do it for free. I wonder who else is lining up to do that job for nothing.) We have our two grandchildren three days a week after school and during some of the holidays. To be providing childcare for a toddler for three full days must be tiring and requires a great deal of appreciation, not scolding.

I too am quite strict about the children watching TV when they come here - especially cartoons. I do limit their time and encourage them to draw or we play games together. However, I feel quite sure that 20 minutes of TV isn't going to damage your grandchild and I think this is completely over the top. I think most grandparents in your position would allow at least an hour or so of TV.

I have noticed this attitude on Gransnet "it is not a grandparents' place to question anything whatsoever in relation to their grandchildren - they must "zip it". This sort of approach I think encourages parents to think they are somehow doing their Mum and Dad a favour in letting them look after their children. Of course, most grandparents enjoy doing so but it is a responsibility and requires energy and patience. They certainly should not be subjected to "right royal tellings off". Totally wrong.

I think I would have been inclined to tell them that the next time you need a few minutes rest you will allow him to play in the knife drawer rather than watching a few minutes of harmless children's tv! How unkind of them to criticise you; if the child has developed unreasonable behaviour they need to look at their parenting methods first before blaming the free child carer.
I occasionally look after two very active GC but my DD knows I suffer a great deal of pain from arthritis and sometimes watching a DVD is the answer to keeping them occupied. It doesn't happen every time and the films are always age appropriate.

@Frogs
I am 47, with an 8 year old. I sah and homeschool. I also have fibromyalgia.

I don't imagine that my future DIL would trust me to take care of any future grandchildren I might have, if I even live long enough to see them. I will definitely be past caring for little ones by the time I'm 70.

And I don't leave my kid to his grandparents. My parents are dead, and in-laws are in their late 80s, and live a 2 hour flight away. What with covid, they haven't seen him in a while.

mittensmum. You are amazing.
If you (probably) continue the childminding I wonder if you are doing consecutive days? That will be even more tiring.
Maybe a spread would help.
Your family have been terribly rude. I hope they’ve slept on what was said and apologise. Any advice I have would be tempered by whether this is a first and how generally appreciative they are. Do they offer toddler’s food, treat you to flowers etc.
How much do they need free childcare if they are in well paid jobs. What is their standard of living and yours.
I hope they are kinder going forwards.

When I looked after my grandchildren it was always 'my house - my rules'.

I remember having my granddaughter overnight when she was tiny and she came with pages of instructions. Fast forward a couple of years and two of them were thrown in with no instructions and the parents ran!

3 days a week looking after your grandchild, that is a lot!?

I hardly think 20 minutes TV is going to do him any harm, regardless of what they think and, as others have said, if they feel your caregiving is below their exacting standards, tell them they are welcome to find another one (at significantly more cost I expect!)

Maybe next time don't tell them about his TV habits!!

So according to the screentime rules you quote Oldmom at what age can a child be allowed to watch a film?
I would say what you ard quoting is mobile phones, tablets etc screentime and you are including tv.
Watching CBeebies or CBBC with the kids will not do them any harm.
As for the grans keeping up to date with what the parents want maybe we should have training courses laid on by the parents.

Hmmh. I am just about to finally apply to be on Who Wants to be a Millionaire. I usually reach £64,000 but realise it’s stress free at home. My general knowledge is good because I paid attention at school, read newspapers, watch the news, but 50% comes from watching television. My son has a very good job in television. I wonder why? Rosie and Jim and Pingu come to mind. He also loved reading and still does. I had no family help when bringing him up and running my business from home so employed au pairs and finally had a lovely junior nanny called Siobhan. Von Von he called her. I am 70. Had a late baby. Couldn’t care for a toddler now.

What nonsense. I think children's TV is often quite educational. Obviously you don't want them watching it all day but a short burst of it for a bit of peace and quiet should be no problem. I admire you for having the energy to do three days child care a week. I couldn't do it. The child's parents are being completely unreasonable.

oldmom

A lot depends on how old the toddler is. Current guidelines recommend no screen time at all under 2. I pretty much stuck to that with my son, who is now 8.

Between 2 and 7, 20 minutes a day is appropriate, if the screen time is suitable.

So if Granny sticks the 18 month old in front of the TV, yeah, Granny is wrong. But a 3 year old is different. However, the parents' direct instructions should be followed. If Granny doesn't want to follow the rules, Granny doesn't need to watch the child.

Claiming you know it all because you raised your kids is irrelevant. Times have changed, and today's world has different rules and different problems. Grandparents make better carers if they keep up to date and follow the parents instructions.

Well!

The Granny in question wasn't sticking the child in front of the TV all day, just a short time whilst she perhaps cooked or had a quick cuppa.

Grandparents make better carers if they keep up to date and follow the parents instructions.
Thank goodness my DC, DIL and SIL aren't like you oldmom

If Granny doesn't want to follow the rules, Granny doesn't need to watch the child.
The parents would have to find alternative arrangements pdq with your attitude.

I take it you are in the USA from the terminology, oldmom as we tend to mind children, care for them, interact with them here, not just watch them.

Is Mister Maker still on or can you find re-runs?

If you let him watch those then he can go home full of lovely ideas what to do with scissors, glue, paint and show Mummy and Daddy how creative he can be.

Callistemon

Been there, done all that!
Still have the glue, sheets and sheets of coloured paper, cottonwood, brushes, straws etc etc but have just thrown out old paint pots, old Playdoh.

Cotton wool

Callistemon

Is Mister Maker still on or can you find re-runs?

If you let him watch those then he can go home full of lovely ideas what to do with scissors, glue, paint and show Mummy and Daddy how creative he can be.

Callistemon and don't forget glitter, I always find that's such a hit with the parents when they are presented with their child's latest artistic creation to take home in the car ?✨✨✨

A few minutes of TV has certainly generated a lot of conversation
here ?
After googling 'current guidelines' Re: Oldmum I find it is acceptable for a toddler to watch TV - I checked NHS & Government guidelines.

I have given one day a week childcare for many years . Three days each week would be too much for me , that really is an imposition. My daughters have always recognized that my rules may differ from theirs . The GC understand that too - it works! As for tv , of course I resort to C Beebies . The GC need down time and grandma deserves some respite. I think if your daughter does not like her children watching a bit of tv she should find alternative care ! As for telling you off - who does she think she is ? WOW, I am speechless,how dare she! You give her there days a week free childcare , that is a massive commitment and IMO far too much . Jog on indeed !!!! We are in our 70s now , my daughter recognizes that and is very grateful for Grandma day.
I have brought my children up , it's not my job to raise my grandchildren too . Tell your daughter if she is unhappy with the way you care for her child then that is fine , she can pay nursery fees and you can have your life back. Be brave and let your daughter know how you feel.I imagine she will back down because she knows she is on to a good thing! and if you feel 3 days a week us too much you must tell her.

You have to be firm that if you are doing the childcare then you make the rules. You can discuss generalities with the parents but it just isn't going to work in the long term if they think they can dictate how you relate to your grandchild every minute of the day.
I have done all the childcare for my two grandsons for over six years while my daughter has worked and I couldn't have done it if I hadn't been in charge and able to make my own decisions.
If the parents don't like the way you are bringing up their children they should get someone else to do it - alternatively they could do it themselves and find out how difficult it really is.

@ Callistemon

Not in the US, but the terminology is pervasive. I'm not in the UK, either.

Many people here may dislike my views, but they are views many of today's parents hold. A lot of things have changed in the last few decades, particularly regarding child health and safety. Grandparents insisting on their rules are all very well, but it is important that they keep up with current guidelines regarding car seats, sleep positions, child proofing, diets and screen time. I've heard stories of grannies who thought child car seats weren't necessary, that babies should sleep on their backs, that it was fine to put a drop of alcohol in the baby bottle, or to put cereal in the baby bottle, etc. My husband has permanent damage to his digestive system because he was fed orange juice from 3 months onwards. Most of those things were considered OK 50 years ago, but they are not now. That's why a lot of parents insist on their rules. The rules have all changed.

Oldmom I agree about keeping up to date but unlike you, I believe most grandparents do that, even though they’ve seen some things like baby sleep positions change forwards and backwards since their own children were babies.
As I previously said we had our DGC 5 days a week and we discussed rules beforehand.

I find your post rather patronising-do you think only parents get it right? Who was it fed your husband orange juice 50 years ago? Was it not discussed? He won’t remember because he was too young but to continuously feed a baby something in sufficient quantity to be deleterious to his health would surely have been picked up. My DD supplied the breast milk and then the formula for DGC and that’s what they got.
As I previously said we had our DGC 5 days a week and we discussed rules beforehand. As it happened there were no issues but if there had been and we couldn’t come to an agreement, our DD and SIL would have been welcome to pay for childcare elsewhere.

Good grief OldMom. The rules are constantly changing and always have. You are addressing a bunch of women who have - and not necessarily in their own opinion - successfully reared children. When you have done that come back and lecture us.
You have took the original post out of context. It was a tiny bit of tv.
You see when we were bringing our children up we weren't permanently attached to mobile phones. What is the guidelines about how much screen time a parent has? That will be far more damaging to a child being constantly ignored by their parents because they are glued constantly to social media.
I assume your child is in bed while you lecture us grannies on how to do unpaid childcare to your so high standards.

Oh dear.
I've heard stories of grannies who thought child car seats weren't necessary, that babies should sleep on their backs, that it was fine to put a drop of alcohol in the baby bottle, or to put cereal in the baby bottle, etc.

None of that was the norm when my DC were babies and they are in their 30s and 40s now.
What a lot of strange, very old people you must know.
They sound like the norms from the 1930s or 1940s. Or even before that!

That's why a lot of parents insist on their rules. The rules have all changed.
They keep changing, often back to what they were.

The rules re sleeping do keep changing - it was considered absolutely necessary for babies to sleep on their tummies when DC1 was born - mine hated it.
Then that was considered wrong when DC2 was born - back was appropriate, after that it was compulsory to put a baby on its side with a rolled up blanket behind.

So if the medical profession keeps changing the rules, I think any sensible grandparents will listen to the parents and act according to their wishes.

However, babies don't always like rules - an older baby will wriggle on to its back anyway.

The OP was talking about 20 minutes of TV- not something dangerous. Unless it was Eastenders.