A few minutes of tv . I am now an arch-criminal

A ball park figure of around.... ooh now lemme see.
£900 for mates' rates.

Kerching! ??????

I am appalled at the way you have been treated.

Home based childcare is absolutely exhausting.

Assuming the parents are employed full time, and not self employed, then they will have fixed working hours, let's assume 9-5

The average commute that I hear people talk about appears to be about an hour each way. Parents can used this as a bit of "down time" whether they are listening to something on the radio or an audio book etc in the car, or on a train.

The childcare provider is therefor working from 8-6, at least two hours a day more than the parents.

Assuming the parents are employed, they will likely to entitled to two short breaks and a lunch break, where they should get right away from their work.

The childcare provider doesn't have this luxury. What other job doesn't allow ANY breaks during the working day, whether the employee chooses to take them or not.

To expect a grandparent to work solidly for 10 hours a day with NO down time at all, and then to castigate them for how they choose to care for the child, is frankly, insulting. Even if the parents are paying the grandparent, it's still unfair to expect an older person to have the energy, either physical or mental, to keep up with a young child, without any kind of a break.

As with many other posters, I'd be saying to the parents that you understand that they don't want their child watching TV, but you just cannot keep up with him for 10 full on hours, and they maybe would be more comfortable with him going to nursery instead, where they will have a wider range of activities for him, and younger, fitter, staff to care for him.

(And I suspect that care will include an element of TV/DVDs.)

I do wish you would return MittensMum with some more information such as, did the parents ask you to do 3 days a week childminding, if so, how did you feel about that? or did you volunteer, I doubt whether it's the the latter, because it's such a big undertaking. If it's the former, do they pay you for your time.

To the mother who believes we should learn from what parents are doing now rather than what we did. As you state your child is around 8 I think, I presume you are no older than mid 40s, possibly younger. We've all been your age, but you've never been our age. You have no idea how tiring things become once the menopause and possibly other health associated conditions kick in. For most there is a general slowing down. As Lemongrove wisely pointed out that's why older women don't become mothers, at least not naturally. Believe me, hands on toddler entertaining and the few years beyond that is very, very tiring after a certain age and quiet hiatuses are required and in any case as Chewbacca posted we do all have lives beyond perpetual child rearing as much as we love our grandchildren.

Callistemon

Is it extra if it was a sleepover?

Oh don’t say that ! You’ll get told no child should be allowed to stay overnight at grandparents until they are 21…..

3 days a week at 70 you are a walking miracle.l feel the parents are selfish expecting you to do that much childcare.Tell them you can only do 1 day let them sort the other 2 days out.20 mins is nothing in your position.

It seems to me that an awful lot of GP's are taken advantage of, and that it is an expectation by their children that they take on childcare, for free, whilst they go back to work. ( I appreciate that this does not apply to everyone, and that there is a lot of gratitude from many who ask their parents to look after their children).

What seems to be forgotten by some of these children though, is that their parents are aging, and get tired and that it is very hard work keeping a toddler entertained for hours on end. In a nursery setting, it's very different - one person alone isn't responsible for the care of the children (though there will be a key worker) and these people are considerably younger than most GP's so have the energy to be constantly on the go with them for hours on end. Even so, within a nursery setting, there will be quiet periods set aside which might even include (dare I say it) a small amount of educational tv.

I'm afraid that if I had been spoken to in that manner there is no way I would have let it go unchallenged and I would be pointing out to them that if they didn't like it then they could jolly well do without my help and dig into their bank account and pay for childcare that is more suited to their stringent requirements.

The selfishness of some adult children is beyond belief! They need a sharp lesson in good manners and respect and need to realise just how fortunate they are to have parents who are willing to take on the extremely demanding and tiring role of full time (or virtually full time) childcare for FREE, whilst they go back to full time work. (Particularly if said parent is 70, or approaching it - goodness, it's wearing enough in your 50's and 60's).

These adult children might be GP's themselves one day - I wonder how they will feel when they are expected to be full time, on the go all the time, childminders by their offspring when they are in their 60's and 70's!!

Lucca

Callistemon

Is it extra if it was a sleepover?

Oh don’t say that ! You’ll get told no child should be allowed to stay overnight at grandparents until they are 21…..

Ha ha!
One stayed recently to keep me company and look after me. She's only 9.
I suppose should pay her. ?

Perhaps, MittensMum you should show your adult child this thread. I'm sure they'll get the gist of what posters think of their behaviour, and maybe, just maybe, they'll give you the respect you deserve. At the very least, you need to let them know how you feel and how much they have upset you. They do not deserve all you are doing for them, to be honest.

How dare your DD/DS "tell you off" when you are providing them with free child care 3 days a week! How dare they! They should be grovelling on their knees and thanking you for giving up your time to do this!

When looking after my GC my DDs told me the general rules that they parent by, but left me to make my own decisions based on each situation when they are in my care. If they cannot respect you enough to do that, nor recognise that caring for a 2 year old gets harder as you get older, then they simply do not deserve to have your services.

Tell them - make it clear what YOUR rules are.

To be honest if DD had managed a full week at work, GS was still alive and I was ready to do it all again next week, that was all she wanted. How we made it through to the end of the week was up to me.

I don't think that the young realise quite how knackered we oldies get when looking after energetic children, and how desperately we need to have breaks and chill out whilst the little ones watch a bit of TV. Thank God for the Octonauts, I used to think - and for YouTube now that the kids are older.

How nasty are they? Your house,your rules.

What happens at Grandma's stays at Grandma's. If they don't like it then find other childcare. How ungrateful.

Oh my dear Lady I so feel for you. Had very similar with one of my son's but turned it around and told them my house, my way, if not happy find childcare elsewhere. He soon came round! I'm 56 have 5 grandkids & 4 step grandkids. Love them all dearly but sometimes I tell little white lies as not to have any of them. So tiring

Grandma’s house: grandma’s rules, especially as you are giving a considerable boost to your AC’s finances by offering free childcare.

When my two children were little I only let them watch children’s TV in the afternoon, not in the morning or the daytime. However, when I paid childminders I accepted they would allow the offspring some daytime TV time, from which the children actually learnt a lot. Even if they hadn’t it was hardly down to me to dictate a regime where total attention and engagement from the carers was to be had for an amount per hour. I had left my children in the childminders’ care so I had to trust their judgement.

I am afraid that if your AC are threatening you over half an hour’s TV the balance of power is in their court and they might well ‘flounce’ if you challenge them outright as would be your right to do.

A tactful and pleasant, non threatening, ‘conversation ‘ about how the situation of a young child and a seventy year old is perhaps becoming beyond you might well focus their minds on their very real advantage you are giving them with free childcare.

"Lapse"? Really? You are expected to feed and entertain the child, with no thought about how much you'd really love to sit down with a cuppa, alone with your thoughts or a book? What if you had been following a television serial that is on when the child is at your house? Are you expected to forgo that, too? And what about not being able to go out fore a walk around the block if and when you feel like it? They are not doing you a favour by "allowing" you to look after their child... you are the one who is saving them megabucks. I am curious - does the child have a tablet / computer? Does he watch television at home? Do the screen-time restrictions apply only to you?

I agree with Bluecat they really have no idea. Mother nature did women/ladies/ birthing peoples - don't know the correct title - a favour with the biological clock. I had a friend - same age - who became a first time mum at the same time i became a gran. She only had the onebut is shattered all the time he is heading for teens now.
I am shattered all the time since covid juggling childcare and full time work i am not sure i would be able to do the childcare at this level in 20 years time. I do worry if my youngest leaves having children too long she will expect the same dynamics from me as the others had and whether i will let her down.
I would hope Mr Tumble is still going to help me.

Wow - I cannot believe some of you are critisising the OP - for 20 minutes of TV? Are you serious? MittensMum - if your child is not happy about what you do when you look after THEIR child - tell them you won't bother in future! I cannot believe how demanding some adult children are to their elderly parents - disgusting! The younger generation are so selfish and self-obsessed (not all, obviously) I wonder why any grandparent would want to look after their children on a regular basis?

I would imagine the 20 minutes gave you a little respite too. 3 days a week child care is a great deal, and provided the child is safe, clean and well fed, 20minutes TV is perfectly OK.

This is very unfair OP. I looked after my GCs 3 days s week from babyhood to teenage.
My D and SiL agreed that I would look after them in a way that suited me and TV time was part of the day.
They are now 18 and 16 have done very well in their A levels and GCSEs. They are both normal, happy teenagers despite the pandemic so some TV time has done them no harm at all.

How times have changed. I’ve done childcare whilst parents worked. It was important to follow the timetable as much as possible, more for my grandchildren‘s sake than the parents. However, if they’d needed me to do something which I felt I couldn’t, I would have said so at the outset. I was well under 60. If you knew they didn’t want tv time at any point, perhaps you should have said you can’t do it. I wouldn’t have.
Hope you sort things.

I am almost 70, I don’t look after my GC as they live too far away, thankfully! I do not think I could cope with them and certainly 20 minutes of TV isn’t going to cause temper tantrums. Children’s TV is very good and informative in small doses. If you had allowed him to watch TV for hours then I can understand the situation, but I think they are being very unreasonable. They should think a bit more about what they are asking you to do out of love for your family. Good luck.

When I did regular childcare I don’t think I ever actually said it, but dd knew that I’d be doing it my way, or not at all.

My way and hers were much the same as regards feeding, so no problem there, but when it came to naps, they differed widely. Dd and SiL would sit with her for ages, patting, etc., or else push her round the roads in the buggy, or take her for a drive in the car.

I just wasn’t prepared to do any of those - I really needed that P and Q time. So when I knew she was tired and ready, it was in the cot with a kiss and a ‘Sleepy time now’ - a few pats, and off.
Yes, she’d cry for a little while, but was none the worse.

Later, during a one-off with Gds of maybe 12 months, dd told me that the only way to get him to sleep - apart from BF-ing - was to push him around the roads in the buggy.

Well, it was raining, so stuff that! I put the buggy facing the French windows, so he could see into the garden, and put Classic FM on. It happened to be Elgar’s cello concerto just starting.
Magic!! He was off in a couple of minutes, barely a grizzle at all.

Good luck to them finding childcare anywhere that never uses a few minutes of TV.