Mridul Wadhwa - Male CEO of Edinburgh Rape Crisis

Whenever a woman disagrees with a man we get insults, sneers and patronising messages about how we ought to feel, act, think, talk. No man, no matter how he's dressed, or what he calls himself, can ever understand, counsel or identify how a woman feels when she has been violated by a man. It's always women who are told that they need to change their expectations, beliefs and needs to accommodate men. So when a distressed, sexually violated woman turns to a rape crisis centre for help and support, and she is confronted with a man dressed as a woman, it's her that's told to "reframe her trauma" when the very presence of a male causes her greater distress.
There's one thing for sure; Mridul Wadhwa has lost none of their male arrogance and sense of entitlement. Women are being told to make more, and greater concessions towards men; single sex spaces, safe spaces, all to be sacrificed on the alter of what men demand.

well, fortunately i have not been in the position of needing to go to these type of centres.
but i can imagine that if i did, and was directed there, and told:
all the support workers are women, it is a totally safe space.
so i start talking to a woman, describing being abused by a man, very upset and muddled in my head.
then i glance at the worker a few times and they move to open the window and the form i discern looks like the outline of a male rather than a female.
how would i feel; as if i am going mad, imagining things.
then later i happen to read these news articles, and realise that yes, the person i spoke to in fact has the body of a man but identifies as a woman.
i would feel very upset, confused, angry, and that there is nowhere i can go and be sure i am speaking to a female-bodied person. so i go nowhere. become a recluse. give up.

I was always honest with my clients FarNorth. It is the only way in my view. Sometimes it was hard - but if they know you are on their side and are really doing the very best you can for them, even "difficult to hear" things can be said.

As an aside, it is very exhausting and often draining work. I still think about it a lot. It is massively humbling.
I am SO lucky.

NotSpaghetti

I think, as I misread Rosie about the sex-councelling, My words have been mis-read to assume I'm pro Mridul Wadhwa.

Actually, I don't feel I know enough about the service to be honest, or the type of contact Mridul Wadhwa has with clients, or how good she is.
I would never suggest that anyone should not have choice in the matter of who they receivehelp from - that would never work.

I was basically trying (obviously not successfully) to say that we all come with "baggage" which also includes bigotry. That's all.

Regarding how people knew, in refuge about lesbian and Asian workers rosie, there is a lot of talk among women. And of course some people make assumptions about sexual orientation according to the way a person looks. If you have a particularly Asian name it is also sometimes fairly likely you aren't white British.
Assumptions are made.
Keyworkers are often asked direct questions.

Actually it was FarNorth that asked that question about how did they know, mine was ......
While you're here NotSpaghetti how do you feel about the centre linked to by JaneJudge that is exclusively for, and staffed by, women of black and ethnic minority heritage? I don't have a problem but I can see for some it might be seen as just too exclusive and discriminatory.

Assumptions are made.
Keyworkers are often asked direct questions.

And if someone gets up the nerve to ask MW "Are you a transwoman?" what answer will they get?
It's not a wild supposition to think the answer might be "I'm a woman".

The person might then get up further nerve to say that they'd like to see someone else anyway, but why should they have to do that?

At least your clients, NotSpaghetti, were given the truth if they asked, or could see it for themselves.

This Centre is there to help raped and traumatised women but this CEO is making it all about herself and the attitude of others towards her and other males who may identify as women.

The CEO also wants to direct their funding towards Trans only issues and needs rather than the general rape service.
Another wrong idea IMO......the CEO should or could haver simply set up a charity for Trans...not just attempt to steal it away from where it goes to now.

I will try to find the source of this info. I think the follow the money is always the key to what is really going on.
The CEO doesn't just want to upset women. They want to take the money as well.

Galaxy

I agree and I have noticed something else which I find deeply worrying. On both threads there is talk about anger being wrong as if anger is somehow unfeminine. There is nothing wrong with anger, it was partly anger that established the refuges, partly anger that established that rape within marriage was illegal, partly anger that got the upskirting laws.

True, and I’m pleased you agree.

I meant to say ‘have asked’, not ‘have been asked’, of course?. That extra word does change the meaning somewhat.

You are totally right Jane. It's about people and finding a way through with them so that they are in a good place afterwards.

Here's a link to the organisation which first employed Mridul Wadhwa, in Edinburgh.

It is a Women's Aid organisation for BME women, children and young people.
I don't know if all their staff are BME.
However, I'm quite sure that they are not trying to convince anyone that a white person is BME.

(BME, not BAME, is the term used on the website)

shaktiedinburgh.co.uk/about/

Sorry that was to doodledog.

I agree and I have noticed something else which I find deeply worrying. On both threads there is talk about anger being wrong as if anger is somehow unfeminine. There is nothing wrong with anger, it was partly anger that established the refuges, partly anger that established that rape within marriage was illegal, partly anger that got the upskirting laws.

I think, as I misread Rosie about the sex-councelling, My words have been mis-read to assume I'm pro Mridul Wadhwa.

Actually, I don't feel I know enough about the service to be honest, or the type of contact Mridul Wadhwa has with clients, or how good she is.
I would never suggest that anyone should not have choice in the matter of who they receivehelp from - that would never work.

I was basically trying (obviously not successfully) to say that we all come with "baggage" which also includes bigotry. That's all.

Regarding how people knew, in refuge about lesbian and Asian workers rosie, there is a lot of talk among women. And of course some people make assumptions about sexual orientation according to the way a person looks. If you have a particularly Asian name it is also sometimes fairly likely you aren't white British.
Assumptions are made.
Keyworkers are often asked direct questions.

A lot of this has been ‘covered’ on the Woman thread.

I say ‘covered’, but by that I mean the questions that I and others have been asked in good faith have been avoided, ignored and twisted by the same posters who are doing so on this one. They have accused people of bigotry, racism and so on on that thread too.

I am tempted to give my views on this thread as it has a slightly different focus, but am sick of repeating myself and being asked for the same viewpoints to be expressed in different ways over and over again, if my posts are acknowledged at all.

It’s basically filibustering, and being on the receiving end is exhausting.

NotSpaghetti, some of that is about working with people though. I worked as a support worker for families in crisis and a lot of them have views that were wildly different to mine. My job wasn't to judge them (or debate with them) it was to try and achieve positive outcomes - which generally we did very well together. They keep asking me to go back so I can't have been too shoddy at it When doing Counselling and support work it is so important to be non judgemental as you know. I think inflicting your beliefs on people in trauma isn't even ethical is it?

We haven't even talked about safeguarding with respect to health and vulnerable women either or interpretation of the law.

Thanks Aveline
I hope I explained what I mean.

This is not funny in the slightest but it reminds me of that saying:

"Me, me, me. But enough about me, let's talk about you... what do YOU think of me?"

NotSpaghetti how did your clients know if they were to be assigned to a counselor who was lesbian or Asian?
Were they told beforehand?

The idea, with transwomen, is that nothing is said beforehand and everyone should simply accept them as women - even in an environment that is intended to be female-only for very good reasons.

MW didn't say anything about giving people a choice, only about confronting bigotry.
Did you take that attitude to your clients - that they were bigots?

Exactly Callistemon.

NotSpaghetti

*rosie*, I was typing as you posted.

What is the reference to a 'sex counsellor' please? Is that what Mridul Wadhwa does?

I was trying to specify requesting a natal woman counsellor as opposed to a transwoman counsellor, I suppose I should have said female sexed counsellor for the elimination of any doubt. I'd be totally happy to be counselled by a female of any sexual orientation or ethnic origin.
While you're here NotSpaghetti how do you feel about the centre linked to by JaneJudge that is exclusively for, and staffed by, women of black and ethnic minority heritage? I don't have a problem but I can see for some it might be seen as just too exclusive and discriminatory.

Believing you can not change sex is not bigotry notspaggetti it is a protected belief, and this has been established in a recent court case. You seem to think I need education about this, perhaps I think you need reeducation about your beliefs. How will that work.

NotSpaghetti I don't think the instances you quote are relevant in this case.

It is not a case of bigotry. It is a case if whether or not a woman who needs counselling after being raped, most likely by a male, feels safe being with a counsellor who is Male but may identify on that day as female and has not had reassignment surgery.

Is that not the whole starting point of such counselling - to help a traumatised woman feel that she is in a safe space? It's nothing to do with whether or not she has views that may not be PC.

This Centre is there to help raped and traumatised women but this CEO is making it all about herself and the attitude of others towards her and other males who may identify as women.
It is not about the staff - it's about the clients

I'm guessing that Rosie meant female-sex.
That's how I read it.

rosie, I was typing as you posted.

What is the reference to a 'sex counsellor' please? Is that what Mridul Wadhwa does?

I don't know how many of you here have worked in Rape Services or Refuge services but I think people are assuming things.

When I worked in Refuge Services there were women in crisis who were deeply unhappy about working with a case-worker who was excellent and empowering but also lesbian. Sometimes they just said no, that a lesbian couldn't "get" what they had been through. If they accepted a lesbian case worker (or counsellor actually) on a "would you try one session?" basis they almost always stayed with them.

Likewise, we had an Asian mental health worker who was lovely - but some people didn't want to work with her because... well, basically, because she was Asian. If they did agree to one informal session they realised that the way she looked had nothing to do with the fantastic mental health worker and advocate that she was.

I'm not saying that people shouldn't have choice, but if there is someone good to support people through their trauma, we should gently help them find the best person we can for them.

BIGOTRY is everywhere. When you challenge it most effectively you are not ramming it down someone's throat and calling them 'a bigot'. The primary concern, indeed the mission of these services is the person who has been abused and their welfare in every respect. 'Educating' people about 'issues' is not the mission of either Rape or Refuge services but if it happens along the way, well, we are all the better for it.

Have you never been wrong about anything/anyone based on preconceived ideas?
There is a lot of anger on this thread.
I don't know the whole story of this particular service and am aware that some are SO much better than others, but unfortunately I'm finding it a deeply depressing thread.

GagaJo

I'm answering your question with respect Rosie51, although I'm also aware you're just trying to bait.

If a person, an Asian person for instance, is not comfortable speaking to a western counsellor, attempts would be made to find someone they were comfortable with. Or a gay person, if they specifically request someone gay OR someone experienced dealing with gay people, attempts would be made. I have personal experience of making a specific request, and it was met.

Not specifically a space without transwomen Galaxy. But certainly a counsellor an individual can be comfortable with. If you are assigned someone you are NOT comfortable with for whateverreason, you can change counsellor.

I said this upthread.

GagaJo you really are rude, I was not attempting to bait, you mentioned all sorts of bigotry including racial bigotry. You haven't answered my question at all, although I realise that is par for you. I'm perfectly happy with a trauma centre (the one linked to) that is designed to exclusively help women of black and ethnic minority origin to be exclusively staffed by black and ethnic minority women. But I can see how some would regard that makeup, being exclusive of white people, as being racist and bigoted. It does seem to assume that white people wouldn't be able to successfully counsel these women. Are you happy with that assumption? It's OK I know you won't be able to answer because that would expose your bigotry. You talk about being able to request, in other centres, a counsellor of the same sexual orientation or ethnic origin if one is available but you think requesting a female sex counsellor not a transwoman is bigoted. As usual you fudge, deflect and accuse others of things that are patently untrue.

GagaJo
If you are assigned someone you are NOT comfortable with for whatever reason, you can change counsellor.

Why do you suppose MW didn't emphasise that instead of insisting that sexual violence survivors be challenged on their beliefs?

In any case, why should a person, in that incredibly distressing situation, be expected to assess whether someone is really a man - possibly realising it part-way through a counselling session - and then have to speak up to say they want someone else.

Rape Crisis Scotland should simply be clear with the public, who may need to use their service, that it is no longer a female-only organisation.

That would also address the concern raised in the interview, about transwomen being afraid to access the service in case they are turned away.