Weddings where children are not invited

My children's 4 weddings all had capacity issues so they had to decide who not to invite. If tchildren take places of adults this may spoil their fun. It's their wedding so I always think people should do what they want. Doesn't mean you have to look after the children the while time....there are normally options including them not staying for the while time. We hired a cottage nearby and my parents stayed at the cottage so the parents were back for breakfast. Sometimes the parents who obviously like the break from the children do extend their stay at the event more than necessary

my daughter is getting married very soon and of course has invited her 5 and 6 year old nieces. she has also invited a few cousins children that she is close to, some of our friends
think it is out of order doing this, a couple of my nieces are breast feeding so have to bring along their babies or not come.

I didn't want them at either of mine, and I'm glad I didn't! My niece had them at hers, my daughter did a reading but all you can hear on the video is a kid sqawking in the background. Point proven. It doesn't sound like you disapprove of them not being invited, but more like you're not looking forward to having them.

It is the couple's wedding so up to them who is invited. However, if the 'minding' is going to exhaust you both, perhaps you should explain this to your daughter and SIL. Do they REALLY need you for a complete 48 hours?

It’s their big day and they must do as they please ! For me personally, I think it’s very sad, the best weddings I’ve attended have had all manner of children running around and a lovely atmosphere - some even ensure entertainment specifically for little ones, magicians, bouncy castles, children’s room

My daughters wedding reception was at a rowing club on the Thames with direct access to the river through many doors. As the river at Twickenham is tidal and there are no street lights on the island we made the decision not to have children on a safety reason. It was a hard choice but we felt we had no option.

There has been a lot said about children's behaviour at weddings (and having sung lots of weddings with our choir I can confirm that they can be a nightmare) but I would understand if someone didn't want to take their children because from what I hear, some adults can behave pretty badly as the evening wears on and I wouldn't want young children to have to see that.

I too cant imagine a wedding without children present. I am the eldest grandaughter and my DH was the youngest grandson.(obviously not to the same grandparents)

We had all our cousins and their children to our wedding that was over 20 children under the age of 12, I recall in the early 80s.

We didn't have much money but we didnt care. Wouldnt have had it any other way, it was fabulous. I would not have left any of them out. . To me it's what a family wedding is all about.

Cant remember any of them "misbehaving" Few of the adults did though.

I have been bridesmaids to all my aunties and Uncles and remember their weddings with sheer joy.

Just love it when the little ones get up to dance and the boys do knee slides across the dance floor.

Of course it's entirely up to the couple to decide what kind of wedding they want but just seems a bit sad to not want children there and It's a good opportunity for older generation to see the young ones having fun

If I’m being completely honest with myself, the best weddings we have attended have been the ones we attended without our children. We could relax have a few glasses of wine, properly have conversations with friends and family we don’t often see and catch up without having to constantly have one eye on the kids.
My DH and I were untraditional in that we had our two DC and then got married when they were 6&2, we did invite all the associated children to the reception but put on the invites that the venue was only licensed for children til 8pm (which was a fib). That meant that we got the best of both worlds - we had the whole family for the ceremony, dinner and first dance and then all the kids (including our own) were picked up and the adults got to have a party (which was what DH and I wanted). No-one in our circle spat the dummy, in fact I remember cousins saying they thoroughly enjoyed having a night out sans children.

Whitewavemark2

Why on Earth would you think a child would upstage you?

marriage is not just about two people is it? It is about the joining of two families, who will hopefully support and love the newly married couple. Be there in good and bad times which includes all the warts. Children are part of the package in my opinion. We are going to my nephews wedding in September and the children are all included and being specially catered for with their own food and outdoor games etc. He by the way does not have children neither does his soon to be wife.
Both my son and daughter had all the family children and none of them distracted the congregation at the ceremony. I can’t even remember the children at my wedding of which there must have been quite a few.

Children are the result of these unions and bring joy and love.

It is imo a very weird thing to want to exclude children from such an important part of family life.

This is what I think too.

Of course each bride and groom will make their own decision,
And if the extended family have many children, cost could be the factor.
If that isn't the reason, I can’t understand it, seems a miserable outlook on life.Each to their own though.

I wasn't unpopular because of my stance on weddings, but thank you everybody for the comments.

I think high costs come into it. You have to pay for the children as well as the adults and it is often around $100 per head here so that is possibly an issue with some. I like the big family weddings, though and mostly the kids all hang out together and play at the reception. Cousins play with cousins and there are always arms for the little babies. It is a family occasion after all. They usually make a full day of it here or they used to until this foul Covid business.

Kim19

Alegrias1, no idea why you're 'unpopular today'. Certainly not with me. I agree entirely with your sentiments other than that I do like children in all shapes and sizes. Always have. Still didn't want them at my wedding, though. A very happy and successful decision in my case 57 years ago.

I have no problem with Alegrias1 stance on this either, even though we're on opposite sides of what we would choose. I only have a problem when the couple gets angry and upset if someone can't come because of their decision.

At the end of the day it has to be a decision for the couple whose wedding it is, but it’s not always a recipe for disaster. We were at a wedding at the weekend where there were children present - mostly pre-teens - and we weren’t really aware of them except for the two boys who were on our table, one seven (the youngest there) and one eleven, who were so well behaved that I said to their father afterwards what a pleasure it had been to share the table with them.

No, I was being serious Zoejory. There were lots of things about weddings in Scotland that were different to the rest of the UK, at least 40 years ago. No marquees. ? The scramble? The present show? The grand march? I haven't been to a wedding for nearly a decade so maybe things are different now.

Must be a Scottish thing

I am sure you don't honestly believe that. There will be families in the whole of the UK who feel as you do.

The wedding I'm talking about was in Elgin.

Vast majority of guests were Scottish.

Personally I could do without children at weddings, (maybe it's an English thing?) but there are cases where it's very hard to avoid disappointment.

I think maybe it's a having children thing and knowing the problems that can arise.

Thanks Kim19. 57 years, how amazing!

My one bridesmaid was a teenager. Although I had no children at the wedding I did get the customary horseshoe Calendargirl The two children who did the presenting weren't guests at the wedding. They came along, gave us the tokens and that was it. In the pictures they look delighted with the whole proceedings. Family relations are not strained. Must be a Scottish thing. ?

I can understand the ‘no children’ invited. It’s not the children that are the problem, it’s the parents who don’t do anything when their little angels kick, cry and tantrum thereby spoiling the occasion for other guests are the problem.

Alegrias1, no idea why you're 'unpopular today'. Certainly not with me. I agree entirely with your sentiments other than that I do like children in all shapes and sizes. Always have. Still didn't want them at my wedding, though. A very happy and successful decision in my case 57 years ago.

Up to the couple concerned.

However I did attend a wedding some years ago where the atmosphere was a little strained ... to say the least.

The bride was one of two siblings. Her sister was married with one child. A little girl with Downs Syndrome. Aged 7. A well loved child who would have behaved impeccably. She was hoping to be bridesmaid.

Half way through preparations, we were informed that no children were to be invited.

This caused a few families to pull out due to various issues. But niece of bride was utterly devastated. She's in her 20s now and will still mention it.

But hey, at least the bride wasn't upstaged o-0

The family said it was pressure from the in-laws but we never knew. It was never talked about again.

Your daughter sounds great, freedomfromthepast!

Do they still give ‘lucky’ tokens to the bride nowadays? The little black cat, horseshoes etc? I have a lovely photo of my cousin’s wedding, mid 1950’s, where six little guests are presenting the happy couple with similar tokens. (I was one of them). I suppose that doesn’t happen if there are no children. I received several at my own wedding as DH had several little nephews and nieces.

I still have them all somewhere in the loft, carefully packed away. Along with a large black cat, which plays ‘The Wedding March’ when wound up.

Sorry, I digress!

Reading some of these posts, I can see that it’s not always a good idea to have children in church (or maybe it is Elrel), my daughters wedding was in a country house, loads of space, very informal, and it was lovely.

When I got married my SIL helped me decorate the reception room we had lovely ballons and thow away camaras on all the tables it looked lovely. My DN brought his 5 children and they were left to run riot taking all the ballons and breaking all the camaras none or them were useable I was very upset but I didnt let my DS know. It still urks me to this day. So I dont think there is anything wrong with a no children rule. It is up to the happy couple.

Elrel

At a church wedding a man in front of me had a small girl in his arms. Gazing around during the service she noticed a feathered hat. I can still remember trying to stifle giggles as she happily pointed and identified it. ‘Duck’ she yelled.
It was a odd wedding, the priest was drunk (well known for it we later learned) and the groom’s football fan mates arrived late at church but still got to the reception buffet first. However my abiding memory is of that clear little voice ringing out!

When my grandfather died, my oldest was 2. After a song at the church, she clapped and yelled YEA! It was adorable and exactly what was needed at the time.

At a church wedding a man in front of me had a small girl in his arms. Gazing around during the service she noticed a feathered hat. I can still remember trying to stifle giggles as she happily pointed and identified it. ‘Duck’ she yelled.
It was a odd wedding, the priest was drunk (well known for it we later learned) and the groom’s football fan mates arrived late at church but still got to the reception buffet first. However my abiding memory is of that clear little voice ringing out!