Weddings where children are not invited

Quite a long time ago an old friend of OH was to be married and they had a no children policy. My son was still being Breast fed but the couple wouldn’t be moved! We really wanted to attend the wedding so my mum came over to look after baby son and his toddler sister. After the church service we raced back home and I fed the bambino and raced back to Oxford for what was left of the Reception. Not ideal, but the baby behaved beautifully. I think today, I would not attend the wedding and let OH go on his own.

Back to your question! Children can be noisy and get overexcited at big family dos.

The cost implications? The number of children that might be involved? Ultimately it's their choice and people don't need to go if they can't get child care for the event.

I think given the enormous expense of weddings these days a ‘no children’ policy if the bride and groom desire this is understandable. The costs spiral per guest too. Also many couples choose to be ‘child free’ these days so they might not have children anyway ??‍♀️

I have been to several weddings where badly behaved children with parents that had no skills in managing their undisciplined children’s bad behaviour spoiled both the ceremony and speeches.

Their money their decision imo. I had didn’t have any children at mine (just worked out that way rather than by choice) other than a few newborns who were little angels and silent during the important bits.

I agree that weddings should be family events but it is up to the couple. The only two childfree weddings I got invited to were when I was nursing babies so I didn't go.

Yes, children can be noisy and badly behaved, but so can some of the adults!

I remember my daughter started crying during my cousins wedding (she was a baby) and my husband just took her outside and walked around the outside of the church with her. I think people have lost sight of what a wedding is but it's big money now and people are invested in it, so maybe I am too sentimental.

Yes, weddings are expensive but is the format or the people more important really? Oh well, to each their own, and to parents, their own decision about whether the logistics of attending a child free event works for them.

When my son married a couple of years ago, we hired a nanny to mind the children in a different room, with lots of activities and toys. The breastfeeding mum could pop in there to feed and the children joined everyone else for the meal (kids options were offered with the menus). It was a very successful compromise.

Not unusual if it’s a church service if the service is recorded a baby wailing would drown out the service, but to exclude from the Reception is less requested.
Recently at a reception a bouncy castle was arranged for the children and a table with a children’s host, not a lot extra cost on the scale of wedding spending these days.

Children are lovely at a wedding, just get organized, generally it’s the adults that cause disruption, even grannies that have had too much Sherry.

My own brother had a "no kids" policy, even though he had 2 children from his previous marriage!
He told his brother and myself that children weren't allowed in the registry office!
In the end, even our parents weren't present - something that upset both until their final days!
He announced to us on one of his rare visits that he was remarrying (we had known his new wife for many years as he had been his first wife's best friend), gave us the date , time and where and then took me aside to say that my son (who was a 6 year old) at the time would not be able to go, but would be welcome at the reception
My sister did the catering, so we the rest of us including children went to the venue, Mum and Dad dashed off to the registry office, only to be met by my brother, new wife and their friends on the way OUT of the ceremony that had actually happened 30 minutes before!
Safe to say, the tea after was not the most enjoyable I have attended with the bride giving my parents dagger looks all afternoon!

Unfortunately the whole thing can be relationship ending. I've seen it happen and had one lost relationship myself as a result of not leaving a nursing infant. I feel I made the right decision though.

I remember my parents being invited to a wedding when we were children and they had to make arrangements for one set of grandparents to come and look after us for the day. I didn't really think anything of it at the time but I think I recall a certain amount of huffing and puffing as to having to arrange all of that.

I can understand both points of view. Reading some of the threads over on MN that pertain to weddings, given they can be very elaborate affairs these days, some women feel the whole rigmarole of factoring in childminding, particularly when an overnight stay is involved, preceded in some cases by ridiculous and costly expectations for hen dos, when those apply too, is way over the top. I'm not surprised when some opt out of all of it. Can't help thinking if the bride happens to be childless at the time of the marriage, she may have no concept of how difficult the logistics of getting children looked after or farmed out when the parents have to attend such events that involve overnight stays and time away from the family not to mention the workplace too.

Forty plus years ago I didn't want children at my wedding service. Neither my parents nor his parents had grandchildren then, and I didn't want little kids who'd never been in a church before, running round screaming.

Chardy, children should not be allowed to run around and scream during a service. If they a restless they should be taken straight outside. If you know people who are that inconsiderate, I can understand why you might not want children there.

I'm like Chardy. Got married nearly 40 years ago and there were no children invited. 40 years on and we're still child free.

I guess there's a pattern developing

When my younger sister announced her wedding was child free I thought it was odd at the time. I am from a large family but only a couple of us had children. My sisters fiancé had just one sibling and no children and half of our family didn’t attend as they worked abroad.
Some people do not have children in a marriage my two older sisters didn’t that was their choice. But for me personally marriage was about sharing life and the hope of having children.
I attended the wedding and left my very young children with my friend. I wasn’t happy about leaving them but I didn’t want to upset my sister at the time.
I was invited to two more child free weddings. I sent gifts and cards but didn’t attend. I agree a wedding can be costly but in my opinion children are more important than money.

We didn’t have children at our small register office wedding in the late 60’s. This was not my decision. The only children who could have come were my cousin’s two girls of about 6 and 8. However my gran, aunt and uncle, cousin and husband, parents of said girls, all took offence and none of them came. So no family at our wedding, apart from our parents, a few friends and bizarrely, my mums neighbours . We had no say in anything. It was a strange day now I think about it.

I have 4 AC all of whom got married in the last few years. We were always happy for small babies to attend but not older children. My DH and I between us have 15 great nieces and nephews. We couldn’t have found places for all of them and couldn’t have afforded the cost of their food. Limits have to be applied somewhere.

Once again, that sense of entitlement.
A wedding is organised and paid for mainly by the couple and immediately family and friends voice very strong opinions over the choice of guests. The rights of cousins , step-children, partners and now children to attend are all vigorously defended.
I favour a no children policy as weddings are now day and night affairs, very tedious for children, so many of whom have never been taught how to behave in a formal setting and whose parents seem to think everyone is a s charmed as they are by their children running riot.

IMO it’s so often down to finances. Children beyond the babes-in-arms stage will need a seat at a table and a meal, and at most wedding venues this will whack up the cost considerably if there are more than a very few.

Everyone who wanted to was welcome to bring children to dd’s big wedding do, but that was only because we were lucky enough to have a lovely big venue in France, belonging to a generous relative, to use for free for a whole fortnight. So we only had to pay for marquee, an outside caterer, and drinks. Which obviously made a huge difference to overall costs.

Lots of dds’ friends had children of all ages from babies to teens, and many brought them. There was loads of outside space for them to run around in.

However if we’d been paying for a U.K. venue just for the day, numbers would have needed to be drastically reduced.

We had a no children invited wedding, the exception being our own as we had children and then decided we better get married.

Our AC weddings were large and they invited their siblings children but no others, everyone understood.

I think it’s the Bride & Grooms day to celebrate as they wish.

Well it's the bride and groom's decision which should be respected. But personally I was completely taken aback when I first came across this.

I have been invited to some 'no children' weddings, but none when our own were small. Those I have been to do have an exception for nursing infants, and I do think it unreasonable to exclude them. Otherwise indeed, up to whoever is paying.

The very loveliest wedding I went to was one of our own children. The couple had a lot of nieces / nephews / godchildren and when I counted up at an idle moment I realised that 25 of the 100 guests were children.
It was an outdoor wedding, with a 'formal' marquee, and a 'play marquee' which wasn't much used as the weather was good. There was an outdoor play area, with things like a giant Jenga, quoits, foam balls, and we all joined in.

Knowing that there was an easy 'out' made the parents relaxed in the more formal bit, and the children got a taste of how to behave in such a setting.