Weddings where children are not invited

MissAdventure, for me it was more about practical arrangements, not a boycott. Comments made by the couple in the process did mean we distanced ourselves in general though. There is now an estrangement but that's probably for the best anyway. It was more of a final straw thing.

I'm sure the people who are marrying would have considered that some may be upset enough to boycott the wedding.
Or those who can't arrange childcare.

Nevertheless, they still opted for child free.

Sorry, I realize my comment seemed as though I was blaming someone for judging. It was meant as a general "people", not anyone specifically.

Alegrias1

Mmm...I'm unpopular enough on GN today so I'll go the whole hog WWM2 .

My marriage is about 2 people, nobody else. I'm child free. I wasn't fond of children then. I'm not fond of them now.

I cannot imagine having a special games room for children at a wedding. Never been to such a wedding. Maybe its just me and my friends.

I am with Alegrias.

Marriage is about 2 people starting their own family. And they can do that however they like. This generation is less about big families and having children, plus they are paying for their own weddings.

I had children at my wedding, and I have kids. But I would never talk badly about or judge someone who had chosen not to.

One thing I will say is that if someone chooses a child free wedding, they do not get to complain if people with children don't show up.

Oh, babes in arms, that’s a different kettle of fish for sure. They’re unlikely to cause a kerfuffle, though, provided their tummies are full! I don’t think I’d pay £1000 to go to a wedding, unless it was someone I was very close to. If someone chooses to marry abroad, say, and they should expect some people to decline the invitation. Not everyone, in fact, I’d venture not many people can afford that kind of money.

SueDonim, you're right, it does go both ways. I just don't find the argument of nursing infants in arms not being allowed, who cost nothing and take no space, to be convincing when children are excluded based on those two factors. I've been there and it felt a bit like, wow, I'm spending 1000+ that I don't really have to come to your wedding and your going to make it as difficult as possible or impossible for me? I guess I'll decline because my infant needs to eat. I understand number logistics and the need to limit that but then please accept when people can't come and don't get the mother of the bride to call and try to change my mind (happened to me). I know you accept both sides get to make their own choice, some don't.

Well, I guess it goes both ways, Cafeaulait, in that the bride and groom are also honoured by their guests’ presence. It’s not possible to accommodate every guest’s wishes, though.

One family member complained about how far they had to travel to come to my DD’s wedding, which was about three miles from where we have lived for 25 years. Did they really expect us to move 400 miles so they didn’t have to travel? We, too, have been invited to a wedding overseas. We hadn’t expected to be invited and I was touched by the thought. It wasn’t possible for us to go due to cost and logistics but I wouldn’t have dreamt of complaining about it. I sent a card and gift and wished the happy couple well.

At my DD’s wedding, whilst there certainly were children invited, the groom had 16 aunts and uncles and 38 cousins, many of whom have children themselves. Had they all been invited, none of our side of the family could have attended!

I wouldn't be fussed about children being at my wedding, had I ever had one.

I've never found other people's children half as wonderful as they do.
I would think most children would find a formal ceremony quite boring (I often do!)

That's so rude Deedaa. She knew it would be hard to turn her away when everyone was busy with the wedding.

Deedaa did you tell her no! My gosh what cheek!

When we got married in 1970 we said no children because one of DH's cousins had particularly bratty children. Come the wedding day the cousin turned up with all three of her children, She said "I know you said no children, but I knew you wouldn't mind mine"!

In the late 1930s my parents had a children free wedding. Neither of them had nieces or nephews, but many cousins who had large families and they had a lot of friends. My mother said the only disappointment expressed was by those mothers who had envisaged their offspring as bridesmaids/pages etc., which was not at all what she had in mind.

Interesting perspective SueDonim. I've never seen it as an honour to be invited to a wedding. I always saw it as an honour to the couple to have people come to their wedding. Attending a wedding can be expensive and I hope couples appreciate that sometimes their guests are having to give quite a lot to just be at the wedding. I was grateful for every guest that came to my wedding because they were coming for me and doing it for me. They honoured me with their presence.

I dunno, I’ve always thought it a privilege and an honour to be invited to a wedding. I’ve never tried to make it all about me and mine.

Years ago when my girls were young a friend’s dd was getting married. They didn’t have much room at the venue and so, apologetically, they said they could only accommodate two of us. I didn’t have a strop and flounce off because we weren’t all invited. Instead, we decided that as my 12yo and I would enjoy it much more than my Dh and the 2yo, I accepted happily and we had a great day. Sadly, the marriage didn’t last, but I don’t think that was because my 2yo wasn’t there!

When DD got married she was 35, DSiL 41 so most of their friends had children. We had a separate marquee and menu, two wonderful Norland nannies, videos and musical instruments. Getting them to go home was the problem!

Before the service started the priest, a university friend of the bride, told parents where to take children who were bored or fidgety and it all went off very smoothly despite the presence of some thirty children aged between six weeks and fourteen. Planning is all important.

Peasblossom this is exactly the sort of behaviour I’ve witnessed too. Bratty children indulged by the parents and grandparents that were allowed to attention seek during the ceremony.

I’m going to sound old but here goes, in my youth (I’m late 50’s) children were seen and not heard, and when I raised my own children I was slightly less strict but still, the children knew not to draw attention to themselves at adult events and to go and play amongst themselves. I can understand why modern bride and grooms aren’t inviting children, because they, rather than their parents are paying, and badly behaved, precocious children are a liability. I agree, that weddings with children when they are well behaved are lovely. And I love children, I enjoy my friends gc that have childminding duties abs FaceTiming my own gc.

We banned children from our wedding. We were both teaching and by the summer holidays when we got married we'd had enough of children for the time being!

What's more, the only children this affected were those of cousins and we didn't know the children at all. Some cousins had no childcare available so couldn't come. One phoned on the morning of the wedding and wished us well so clearly wasn't too put out, one managed to come.

There weren't many children thus involved, so providing childcare wasn't worthwhile, but I certainly think it's worth consideration.

Of course it’s up to the Bride and groom, but I like to see children at a wedding.
My daughter had children at her wedding, she probably didn’t have a lot of choice because her sister and her cousin were children, and there was no way they would have been left out.
There were quite a few children, and they had a great day, dancing, and playing. We had a lovely day, but I think it would have been less lovely without the children.

Perhaps more people would invite children to weddings if parents accepted responsibility for them and their behaviour. And grandparents didn’t think that whatever the child does is just so cute and funny.

Sorry. The three weddings I went to pre-Covid were just ruined by attention seeking children and their adoring adults.

Afterwards I was proudly shown the phone video of the moment in the ceremony that wonderful grandchild tottered up to the aisle and demanded to be a bridesmaid, seizing another small bridesmaids flowers and pushing her way in between the bride and groom. Parents were videoing her, not attempting to stop her. Sooo funny.?

It can be really expensive to invite children to weddings with some venues charging £50 for the children's option on the menu, so if you start inviting everybody children it can up numbers and the cost. So perhaps they might just be inviting children that have a special meaning to them or it can be easier to say no children as a blanket thing. Also if the wedding is in the afternoon by the time the photos are done it can be the evening before you start the meal by which time the children are grouchy and tired.

That sounds like my sort of wedding Witzend

We’ve been to one recently which was babes in arms only, fair enough IMO - they don’t need a seat at the table, or a meal.

It was evidently a fairly low cost do, but that didn’t stop it being the nicest we’d been to in a long time. A substantial afternoon tea in the village hall after the church - tables set with pretty, mismatched charity shop china, garden flowers in ditto teapots. But wine on the tables too!

timetogo2016, yes - especially adults who've had a few too many!

When dh and i married we had all 27 G/children at the wedding/reception.
They were golden at the ceremony and reception.
But i have been at a few weddings where a few children were a nightmare,but i put it down to the parents not warning them in advance to be good.
Some of our g/ children were told they must behave before hand,as i used to say to my sons when they were little.
I have found adults to be more of a pain tbh.

I did wonder if its a Scottish thing WWM2

Come tae oor weddin'. Dinnae bring the bairns!