Weddings where children are not invited

My first marriage, in the 70’s, was “young child free”. It was a pretty small wedding, and I wanted only adults or older children at the venues, for the wedding and the celebration afterwards..

My second wedding, 15 years ago, was also child free, as we had a small wedding, and then took all the guests to a nice hotel for a meal. It wasn’t suitable for children, so none were invited. Our children (adult) made alternative arrangements for the grandchildren.

No one got upset.

Late to this thread but just wanted to add my opinion. I got married over 40 years ago, came from a big family with loads of cousins on both sides, aunts, uncles etc. No way of not inviting the lot, would have been very much frowned on, talked about, caused ructions etc. However, one cousin was autistic and screamed non stop throughout the ceremony. Nobody took her outside. She ruined it, no question. Subsequently, other cousins adopted the no children policy. I didn’t have to ask why!

Rosie51

^I think that it can be awkward for families when all the babysitters are going to the wedding and the ones with the babies have nobody to look after them; but so long as the bride and groom acknowledge that, and understand that people might have to say no, it is their choice^

Exactly Doodledog My niece got so much flack because she wouldn't go to a friend's wedding that would involve being away from her breastfeeding baby overnight and preferably two nights. She was advised she could pump extra milk to be bottle fed to the baby by its grandparent if she was too "precious" to give him formula. Not surprisingly she said she regretted missing the wedding but those alternatives were not an option. She was called insensitive and selfish, oh the irony!

Oh, so easy to get a breast fed baby to take a bottle - not!

Not to mention that those who have never needed to do it, often seem to think that expressing breast milk is a doddle - like turning on a tap.
Even my dd, whose supply has always been bountiful, did not find it easy when she had to do it, since 4 month old Gds was in the ICU, sedated and tube fed because of a bad case of bronchiolitis.

They are entitled to put whatever limits they like on their wedding but they should not be surprised or complain when people say no sorry we are not coming. Nor should those that decide not to go feel any guilt.

When my brother in law got married my husband was best man and my future sister in law said no children.As we had a six week old baby at the time there was an ultimatum,no children no best man.Baby was allowed! As it happened people from the village came to watch,went into church and took their children in with them,who screamed,banged around and were a complete pest.

Rosie51

^I think that it can be awkward for families when all the babysitters are going to the wedding and the ones with the babies have nobody to look after them; but so long as the bride and groom acknowledge that, and understand that people might have to say no, it is their choice^

Exactly Doodledog My niece got so much flack because she wouldn't go to a friend's wedding that would involve being away from her breastfeeding baby overnight and preferably two nights. She was advised she could pump extra milk to be bottle fed to the baby by its grandparent if she was too "precious" to give him formula. Not surprisingly she said she regretted missing the wedding but those alternatives were not an option. She was called insensitive and selfish, oh the irony!

This is exactly what happened to me too. Called up by MIL and asked why I couldn't give the baby a bottle. Reasons: baby had never had a bottle and I didn't know if he would take it. I can't pump. High rate of dairy allergies in the family so I didn't want to give formula if I didn't have to. Baby was tiny and not feeding for a full day would have been painful and leaky at that stage. It's important to keep nursing for milk supply to keep up. So I was selfish (not), put my baby first and didn't go. No regrets.

I think that it can be awkward for families when all the babysitters are going to the wedding and the ones with the babies have nobody to look after them; but so long as the bride and groom acknowledge that, and understand that people might have to say no, it is their choice

Exactly Doodledog My niece got so much flack because she wouldn't go to a friend's wedding that would involve being away from her breastfeeding baby overnight and preferably two nights. She was advised she could pump extra milk to be bottle fed to the baby by its grandparent if she was too "precious" to give him formula. Not surprisingly she said she regretted missing the wedding but those alternatives were not an option. She was called insensitive and selfish, oh the irony!

Thanks, Doodledog!

eazybee

*I think it’s really rubbish not to invite kids. End of*

How extremely rude.

It is the decision of the people issuing the invitations, and paying for, a private function.

Agreed. People aren't obliged to invite anyone, including children. It is the choice of the bride and groom, and nobody else has the right to say 'end of' about it, unless they are paying the bill ?.

I think that it can be awkward for families when all the babysitters are going to the wedding and the ones with the babies have nobody to look after them; but so long as the bride and groom acknowledge that, and understand that people might have to say no, it is their choice.

I think it’s really rubbish not to invite kids. End of

How extremely rude.

It is the decision of the people issuing the invitations, and paying for, a private function.

Isnt it individual choice ? Pipers and tunes come to mind .

I think it’s really rubbish not to invite kids. End of

Tiny ones in arms excepted, that a catering company don't charge for, I totally understand why couples getting married who have no children themselves don't want other people's at their wedding. Different if it's based in a casual setting, numbers not important, not charged per chair, but honestly, given the choice of friends from all over or the children you've never met of someone you like as an individual, I would choose my friends. Flexibility would be nice, if the couples can, but having seen the price per chair at some venues, with prescribed caterers who probably add a corkage fee for a water drinking tot, no leave them at home, away from the adult party, plus let their parents enjoy a child free celebration, in my opinion ha! It's very different if you have a big barn, field, caterers who cook what ever they're asked to etc, where individual numbers matter not.

I was delighted to receive a ‘no children’ wedding invitation when my boys were primary school aged . We saved a fortune on hotel bills and news clothes by not having to go
The happy couple received a generous wedding present as a result . Win win .

My younger daughter is unmarried but has been very clear that when the time comes she wants a small low key wedding. She has a group of very close friends but she is not close to all of her cousins and she will choose which she would like to invite. She won't invite children and I am perfectly happy with this arrangement having checked that she would want her parents there. I think the bride and groom should have the day they want and I know my daughter dislikes being the centre of attention.

Going “off piste” rather, it is not just the younger children that create a feeling of annoyance. At my second wedding just 7 years ago DH grandson, a lovely lad, then 17 was an usher and requested his partner for the day was his then girlfriend, who neither of us could take a liking to. Seated at our table later the platter of cheese for 10 (at a cost of £40 per table) was placed on it and she promptly “retained” it and started to place all the cheeses into a large linen napkin. That was really too much for me to calmly accept and requested the platter was removed from her reach. The girl did not even have the grace to apologise or blush and left all those cheeses later untouched. I was furious. Needless to say DH grandson relationship with her did not last much longer.

When I got married our chosen reception venue had a tight limit on numbers so although we didn't have a 'no children' policy we couldn't invite everyone we'd have liked to. We had friends with baby twins and older twins too. Rather than invite them without the children we just left them out altogether. They lived at quite a distance too and back then it wasn't usual for everyone to stay over. A local couple brought their young baby but arranged childcare for their older ones. I'm not aware of anyone being offended. If they were it passed me by completely. When my son and DiL were married they struggled to find a big enough venue they could afford as DiL has a large, very close family. As far as I remember there were no badly behaved children 'running riot'. I guess most of us know if our friends' children behave well so wouldn't invite families whose children don't!

I went to a wedding where parents still had young children up after midnight- some were running around, clearly overtired and others were asleep under tables/on chairs. I didn't find it funny or cute.

We only had 60 at our wedding 30 years ago. We paid for the day ourselves but still had to compromise on the guest list. I had 6 nephews and nieces that I was close to, DH had no children in the family except his cousin's DC. We hadn't seen his cousin for years and had never met their DC but were still emotionally manipulated into inviting the DC. MIL insisted the cousin had no baby sitter so couldn't attend without DC, the aunt refused to attend if the cousin didn't and MIL said she wouldn't attend if we insisted in not inviting cousin's DC.

We gave in and invited the DC who ate none of their meal, cried most of the time and when it came to the dancing they all sat in a separate room because it was upsetting the DC, then they left early.

I think it's nice to have children at a wedding if they know the bride and groom, otherwise it can be overwhelming for them and their parents spend all their time fussing over their children.

I would attend a wedding where there were no kids more readily than one where there were. Kids get bored so easily, its a long day for them, and while most parents think their kids are the best thing on the planet, other people think they couldn't be more wrong.

Then there is the fact that alcohol will be available at the reception; is allowing kids to see adults drinking so much really a good idea? Who is going to stay sober enough to safely look after the kids and should someone who has been drinking, really be in charge of these kids? All these things need to be taken into consideration. I've yet to go to a wedding where everyone remained sober.

It is the bride and groom day, it is their decision, and it is just one day. Imo the marriage is more important than the wedding.

I didn't have chuldren at my wedding.
Some of you may find it hard to believe but some of us simply don't like other people's kids.

Been to many many Scottish weddings. There sadly hasn’t been a scramble in 20+ years. There have always been children at weddings. How strange some would choose to exclude them. Some only come to the Church but all come at some point. It’s about bringing families together in unity. This includes our precious children. What does slightly irritate me is when couples live together and the bride still wears white. Oops! Well we’re all different.
Weddings are public events and have a legal open door policy. Therefore children can come to the actual weddings if sadly not allowed to the reception.

Their party, their rules.
No one is forced to attend, hosts aren't forced to compromise their preferences in order to accommodate unwanted guests.
Sounds perfect.

Agree with eazybee. Weddings can be tedious for children - and for adults if the children haven’t been taught to socialise properly in a mixed setting (we are very bad at this in Britain). When my mother died, it didn’t occur to me that anyone would bring children, but a cousin brought her toddler and allowed her to run down the aisle and round the coffin during the service. I had to imagine what my mother would have remarked - which would have been fairly ripe - and managed to put it behind me. But I haven’t seen or spoken to the cousin since. Good parenting is the main issue, and probably influences many ‘child free’ decisions.

I guess the parents can make a choice to attend or not. I was invited to a friends bbq and asked if I could bring my son who I think was around 8, they said no children which was their prerogative. As I had no childcare I didn’t go. Don’t think I missed much! Obviously different to a wedding ?