table manners

What was her beef with that? He was asking to leave the table, would she rather he wet himself?

The sliding under the table feet up, definite no no. If they can't sit, make them stand. Do you have appropriate sized cutlery for them? Adult sized can be tricky to handle for them. Just keep reminding them to use the cutlery but don't make a scene. Persistence without threats. A lot of children nowadays have hardly used cutlery having been reared on finger food eg chicken/fish nuggets, fries, sausages, or having had food cut up for them to enable them to eat up quickly and not make a mess.

Many people don’t even have a table to sit at and never use cutlery as fast food is finger food. Horrible thought but true. Lots of children start school never having seen cutlery never mind knowing how to use it. Some children think it’s posh to use cutlery ! The only “restaurant “ they have ever been to is MacDonalds !!! Very sad but true.

I went to a restaurant recently where the was a family - mum, dad and two children around 10 and 12 ish. All I can say is that I have seen chimpanzees at the zoo with better table manners. When they did use cutlery, which wasn't often, they shovelled food into their mouths, they dripped the sauces all over the table, they ate with their hand more often than not and they leaned across everyone to get what they needed. Their parents seem to be oblivious to it all. As they were right within my eyeshot it was impossible not to notice. Somethings do need to be taught and it is the parents who should take responsibility for this. I think that many parents are so busy with full time jobs etc that they sometimes take the easy route for a simple life, which is let the child do as they please.

I'mwith Cozzy. stop being prim and enjoy yourGC. you get to see them and have meals together. lots don't. My GD also has dyspraxia and is a bit messy. Her mum is brilliant with her and there has been an improvement. because of arthritis I tend to use a fork - no one has ever said anything to me, but there were a few nasty rude comments onGN a few months ago about people not using a knife and fork - Kids grow up - don't let their memories of you be of telling them off for such trivia.

children will learn to hold a knife and fork at different ages, don't make a big thing about it or the kids might not want to go to your house, some houses don't have the space for a table for family to all sit together, my last house and this house has no space for a table, just enjoy spending time with your gc.

At that age they should be up to behaving themselves in basic ways eg holding cutlery correctly, asking to leave table, please/thank you. In your house you have right to expect decent table manners. In their house you don’t. It’s irritating to be reminded of manners as a child but learning how to behave in public starts in the home. If they’re used to TV dinners then knowing how to behave at table is even more important and kids are quite capable of making the distinction from an early age. They just choose not to if allowed to!

I'm with you Catlover. Yes, it is for the parents to monitor the manners of their children but in your house it is your rules. As for manners improving with age I see no real evidence for this judging by the table manners on display at restaurants and coffee shops. Food slopped all over the table and on the floor, crammimg as much in their mouths as they can, getting up, running about and shouting at the top of their voices. All this while Mummy and Daddy sit nicely and assume we are enjoying the bad behaviour. I agree that it is not the fault of the children, there is less sitting at the table, in fact a lot of families don't even have a table as eating habits have changed so much. My grandsons each have a tv table with knives and forks (in the kitchen) and yes they watch something I have recorded for them but I still expect decent manners and I get them !

This a great way to get your full attention, and its working. What a wonderful weapon you've given them!
Difficult, but ignore it.
Leave them on the floor, leave the feet, elbows, heads on the table and carry on with your meal.
Serve your own pudding and eat it without comment, in fact carry on as if they're not there at all. Don't even speak to them.
Only interfere if they start throwing food or cutlery.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

This is a subject my husband and I and our friends talk about a lot!! It seems the modern way is not to teach them table manners...out of 5 grandchildren only one eats with a knife and fork, the rest use fingers for nearly everything!! And all eat with mouths open. They range between 5 and 10. I have decided it’s not my business and so long as the chairs are protected from sticky fingers etc I leave them to it and don’t eat with them because I can’t bear to watch. Hoping it improves, but do wonder how they will learn if never shown by their parents ?? Time will tell.

They are your grandchildren, as long as they are not rude or adopt really bad habits at the table, just enjoy them while you can. They don't stay young forever and will develop table skills as they get older

One way of approaching this is to explain to your grandchildren how they make you feel when they do something that alarms you at the table.
At present, you are clearly exasperated about securing better manners, and may be using disciplinarian tactics that are not very effective if they are putting their feet on the table, etc.
We grew up in an age where we were expected to obey, and be obedient to the wishes of our parents.
When we use dictatorial tactics, some children respond with even worse behaviour than before, to our utter despair.
However, try appealing to the children's better nature, and explain how you would like to see them behave, and see how they respond to that.
As a primary teacher, I explained to a six year old boy whose family life meant that he even found it difficult to sit still for a story, that every minute of our lives offers us the possibility to make a change in how we behave.
'Choose to change', was how I expressed it.
It had an immediate effect, and he wrestled mentally with himself to make the effort to sit still from then on.
I wish you well in your relationship with your grandchildren.
My daughter is estranged from me, and I have not seen my only grandchild for over a year, so enjoy and cherish them.

I can remember we always ate the evening meal with the children from an early age. The age when the like to copy the adults. I did notice that some of their little friends who came to 'tea' after school had no idea! They were always the ones who didn't eat with their parents who ate later in the evening once the kids were bathed and in bed.

You can only encourage. My 8 year old grandson isn't brilliant..... But again he sits alone watching TV whilst his parents are busy after work and eat later.

Mealtimes should be enjoyable so my advice would be to leave it to parents to perfect their offsprings table manners.

Chill out and enjoy your grand children ! Don’t sweat the small stuff, leave their parents to correct them, your job is to spoil them, have fun with them and enjoy them. They won’t be little for long and their manners will improve with their age !

I do think it's worth repositioning the cutlery in their hands if they're holding them wrong, it makes it much easier for them to cut up their food. I find my granddaughter often starts off with the cutlery in the wrong hands - though obviously you need to be sure they actually are left or right-handed.
We've recently bought some cutlery for them too, in a normal shape but smaller.

Your house, your rules. They are totally out of order when they ignore you. Tell them they can eat properly or leave the table but remind them that they won't get any snacks until the next meal time. They may try it once thinking you'll give in later in the day but stand firm. Missing one meal and feeling hungry for a couple of hours won't hurt a healthy child but it's doubtful they'd want to repeat the process.

Manners are important, but by making the grandchildren feel uncomfortable they may start to dread visiting. Its not as grandparents that we reprimand the grandchildren, but you need to speak to your children, the parents.

They are certainly old enough to be able to sit properly at a table at those ages but that is up to their parents really.
You could always bring out the "I know you do this at home, but at granny's house we do this" and either demonstrate or actually sit next to them and hold their hands.
I can't see any reason why they can't get a reward if they at least try to follow instructions - don't understand this free for all way currently prevalent in child rearing at the moment - no discipline where they are young can only cause problems later on in life when they find themselves completely adrift from acceptable behaviour!

My daughter and son in law are very strict about this. It has worked from holding knife and fork properly, to sitting properly and not picking up chips etc with their fingers. They have to ask to leave the table . My younger grandson had a habit of sitting with his feet up on his chair so all you could see were knees at the table. That was soon stopped.

Gentle rewards - never punishments- do you want them to associate eating with anxiety and fear? A star for whatever you want to be encouraged most, 5 stars gets a reward. All done with humour!

My DS has only recently regularly started using cutlery aged 12. He has dyspraxia and struggles with fine motor skills so I was happy to leave it until he feels more comfortable.

I couldn’t give a stuff about the opinions of others.

At only 6 and 8 yes old, I think you are being ridiculous. It’s up to the parents to decide how to manage this, not you.

CanadianGran - you may not have had any eating disorders in your family. Some folk worry that using food for reward / punishment may result in that. If your way suits your family, then fine, but I think it worth being aware that others feel differently, as it may come up at your table.

We encourage good manners, but don't get stressed about it. And children who know how to behave can bring it out when visiting or out in public, so some consolation!

Papermonster, I understand some may disagree, but it has always worked for me. I do not see any issue with withholding dessert for misbehavior.

Toddlers may also get a smartie when using the potty as a reward. I can't see any bad eating habits in the future from this.

Heck no! No rewarding or punishing with food! That is seriously a no-no!