table manners

I don't think that you need to intervene. They'll develop table manners if/when it suits them, perhaps to impress others?

Why would you send them away from the table? What would that teach them? Just model the desired behaviour and give gentle reminders. They are still learning, it’s a work in progress.

Different time and different generation Catlover 123. Many people these days have TV dinners so the children may not be used to sitting at the table. Give them time but don't give them different messages to those from their Parents as it will only confuse them.

When our children were little I taught them how to hold their cutlery, and proper table manners, asking to leave the table etc. My DD has taught her children in the same manner. I know times have changed from when I was a child, but children still need to know how to behave properly. How do they cope when eating at a restaurant?
Until she retired, my sister worked in a primary school canteen. She despaired of the number of children starting school who didn't know how to hold a knife and fork, and cut up their food.

Ignoring you isn’t acceptable. It’s very rude. It’s important for children to know how to behave in social settings and that includes having proper table manners. I can only suggest that if they don’t do as you (very reasonably) ask them to, some treats or iPad/phone/tv time are withheld. Not having good manners, at the table and elsewhere in life, will do them no favours.

Sit up straight and use the cutlery properly !

Goodness, they will learn to hold the cutlery properly as they get older. Why would you send children away from the table for not sitting properly?

Unless they are wriggling around and throwing the forks I would be pleased that they are at the table and eating a good meal with the family.

I remember my poor brother being told off at the table he was left handed! I showed my children how to use cutlery if they got it wrong I left them to it. They got it right in their own way in their own time I never felt the need to correct them.

I remember my little 3 year old being told off by my prim and proper sis-in-law for asking to leave the table to go to the loo. I took him regardless…..

Table manners (like all manners) have to begin at age 1 and be consistently used by all the family. So many children nowadays hardly ever sit at a table with their parents to eat a meal it is not surprising that they don't know what to do with cutlery.

However, it is the parental responsibility - as grandparents you can only eat correctly yourself and hope they will notice and copy!

oopsadaisy1, I'm not talking about wriggling around but sliding off under the table and putting feet on the table. The older one knows how to use the cutlery she just chooses not to and it is stressful for the rest of the family. I might be old fashioned but I think manners are important and should be taught. I think if I ask nicely they should take notice.

Certainly they should not ignore you as their grandma but if their parents are present, it is their place to tell them off or whatever. Of course you will always teach by example - our three (who were expected to behave at the table at home) nevertheless used to come home after visits to granny and grandpa with exquisite table manners - all “please may I have the butter” and “please could you pas me the ketchup” - it lasted a couple days!

They will only get dessert if...

If you have a special dessert that they really like, and it is reward for good behaviour at the table, then they will pay more attention.

Your grandchildren are old enough to sit nicely now; it's different when they are toddlers. Children can be wiggly, but should not be disruptive to others having dinner. I wouldn't worry about how they hold their cutlery though, it can be suggested but not worth tears. It will come to them eventually.

Heck no! No rewarding or punishing with food! That is seriously a no-no!

Papermonster, I understand some may disagree, but it has always worked for me. I do not see any issue with withholding dessert for misbehavior.

Toddlers may also get a smartie when using the potty as a reward. I can't see any bad eating habits in the future from this.

CanadianGran - you may not have had any eating disorders in your family. Some folk worry that using food for reward / punishment may result in that. If your way suits your family, then fine, but I think it worth being aware that others feel differently, as it may come up at your table.

We encourage good manners, but don't get stressed about it. And children who know how to behave can bring it out when visiting or out in public, so some consolation!

My DS has only recently regularly started using cutlery aged 12. He has dyspraxia and struggles with fine motor skills so I was happy to leave it until he feels more comfortable.

I couldn’t give a stuff about the opinions of others.

At only 6 and 8 yes old, I think you are being ridiculous. It’s up to the parents to decide how to manage this, not you.

Gentle rewards - never punishments- do you want them to associate eating with anxiety and fear? A star for whatever you want to be encouraged most, 5 stars gets a reward. All done with humour!

My daughter and son in law are very strict about this. It has worked from holding knife and fork properly, to sitting properly and not picking up chips etc with their fingers. They have to ask to leave the table . My younger grandson had a habit of sitting with his feet up on his chair so all you could see were knees at the table. That was soon stopped.

They are certainly old enough to be able to sit properly at a table at those ages but that is up to their parents really.
You could always bring out the "I know you do this at home, but at granny's house we do this" and either demonstrate or actually sit next to them and hold their hands.
I can't see any reason why they can't get a reward if they at least try to follow instructions - don't understand this free for all way currently prevalent in child rearing at the moment - no discipline where they are young can only cause problems later on in life when they find themselves completely adrift from acceptable behaviour!

Manners are important, but by making the grandchildren feel uncomfortable they may start to dread visiting. Its not as grandparents that we reprimand the grandchildren, but you need to speak to your children, the parents.

Your house, your rules. They are totally out of order when they ignore you. Tell them they can eat properly or leave the table but remind them that they won't get any snacks until the next meal time. They may try it once thinking you'll give in later in the day but stand firm. Missing one meal and feeling hungry for a couple of hours won't hurt a healthy child but it's doubtful they'd want to repeat the process.

I do think it's worth repositioning the cutlery in their hands if they're holding them wrong, it makes it much easier for them to cut up their food. I find my granddaughter often starts off with the cutlery in the wrong hands - though obviously you need to be sure they actually are left or right-handed.
We've recently bought some cutlery for them too, in a normal shape but smaller.

Chill out and enjoy your grand children ! Don’t sweat the small stuff, leave their parents to correct them, your job is to spoil them, have fun with them and enjoy them. They won’t be little for long and their manners will improve with their age !

I can remember we always ate the evening meal with the children from an early age. The age when the like to copy the adults. I did notice that some of their little friends who came to 'tea' after school had no idea! They were always the ones who didn't eat with their parents who ate later in the evening once the kids were bathed and in bed.

You can only encourage. My 8 year old grandson isn't brilliant..... But again he sits alone watching TV whilst his parents are busy after work and eat later.

Mealtimes should be enjoyable so my advice would be to leave it to parents to perfect their offsprings table manners.