Where did my confidence go?

I totally understand this feeling. I live alone and have no family for hundreds of miles, and no friends , only acquaintances. I dont have a car anymore, for 2years I have just walked to my local shops and used Amazon for large items and Supermarket deliveries for food. Once we were told we could use buses I was delighted, the morning I had planed to go on the bus, I went into so much anxiety, which was ridiculous. I was even having a hot flush at the bus stop. Once I was on the bus I felt such a feeling of achievement.
I have taken 3 flight a year to Spain on my own for 10 years, I travel nine and a half hours to visit my son in Suffolk twice a year, and have done this for 8 years. I was so ashamed of myself for such negative behaviour. But its true that 2 years made me loose all my self confidence. I have been told this is what can happen in old age and not to give in to this feeling. I am going to buy a train card and I have purchased National Express card which I have already used to travel to London and onto Norwich in Norfolk. I will be going to Norwich again at Xmas. Once you have pushed yourself into action the confidence does come back. I am 81yrs old and try to ignore that number, and just do what I want to do.

I used to regularly go into London on the train and tube and wonder around all day, seeing a matinee then gave dinner then an evening show, then travel back home on the train all alone. My husband never went with me as he didn't like theatre, so it that can't be why I now feel nervous. I'm not sure if it's nervous about Covid or just lack of confidence from not doing it for 18 months.

I’m alright driving around even long distances, but get anxious anywhere new. I suffer from over breathing which is also called hyperventilation and anxiety brings this on, so wearing a mask is problematic for me, so now I try to just wear a visor. I would be even more anxious on public transport.

No, nothing's changed. I suppose I'm as hard as old leather. Good luck. Have fun.

f77ms so much to deal with you are right to embrace life and I wish you well

Nothing worse than what has already happened this year can scare me . A cancer diagnosis, covid caught in hospital and 4 rounds of chemo! I am going for it, doing lots of things including trips away. There is nothing like staring death in the face to make you embrace life.

Hope your trip went well BlueBelle, well done.
I think the Covid situation has put years on us, I certainly think about my age more now than I used to before lockdowns, talking to myself and the cat.
I travelled by train from the north of England to the south not long ago and all was fine, plus some local public transport, but my regular 50/25/100 driving trips make me nervy.
Yesterday driving through my nearest city to get to my DS on the outskirts, I was flapped by the roadworks which sent me off course on the one way system and made me late. Could feel my blood pressure rising. Also driving home in the dark slightly unnerved me. However I have never enjoyed driving even as a young woman, convenient as it is.
What makes me get out and about is the great pleasure I get coming home! I have to go out to enjoy my own house.

Gosh ! So reassuring its not just me. I have certainly lost confidence because of the pandemic/ lockdowns.
Just everyday stuff sometimes freaks me out, visiting the hairdresser caused me anxiety!!! I have been putting off a regular trip the optician, have has two reminders. Never felt like this pre Covid. Did manage a dental check up but had to " screw my courage to the sticking point" I know I should be able to do these things and feel so silly for feeling the way I do. Fingers crossed ? these feelings will disappear - that's my plan !! Good luck and good wishes to all who are feeling anxious.

In my case it’s not so much lack of confidence as apathy. I continued to do my own shopping, and went walking a lot during the lockdown, but I have become so used to just pottering about locally that it’s difficult to find my ‘get up and go’ again. Having really missed my choir rehearsals I had to really force myself to go, the other night, when we finally re-started. I really enjoyed the experience though, once I got there.
My main worry is if I will have the guts to do a long-distance flight, when they start again. I have yet to meet my GS, who was born in Australia in May 2020. Apart from surviving the long journey, I am now 82, and am worried about travelling without insurance, which I have done the last couple of times. It’s almost impossible to get, given my age, and going for 3 months, and very expensive.
I think that most people will find it difficult to get back into their old way of life, but the alternative is to become nervous, apathetic or reclusive. Good luck with your trip, BlueBelle. I’m sure that you will be fine.

It's been so easy to lose our confidence during the last 18 months,we just haven't been doing our usual things.I got to the stage where I couldn't imagine me doing things again,but now I've managed to get back a lot of my confidence.I'm not quite ready for going to an airport yet,but perhaps it would be like everything else and I would wonder why I ever worried.So go for it Bluebell.

After the restrictions were eased I found, to my surprise, that I was finding it difficult to return to 'normal' life. Previously I had felt that since I retired, my confidence had grown in dealing with other people, my circle of friends had grown and I was happy to meet them for coffee etc. Now I find that I liked having an empty diary, I prefer to be at home with DH (who is not at all well so values my presence) and to potter around the garden. I haven't been in touch with any friends for some time. The DDs who are working from home and have families and friends say being a hermit suits them. There have been several articles in the newspapers about 'languishing' after the lockdowns and not wanting to be out and about. Seems I'm not alone.

It's amazing how many of us are reading this thread and going "yes, that's exactly the same for me". I used to be a confident traveller but now, 18 months since I last used public transport, I feel overwhelmed by the thought of buses, trains, planes, ticket machines, scanners.... When I walk past my local bus stop I sometimes look at it as if it is part of an alien landscape. Did I really use it regularly? And as for longer distance travel... did I really travel alone by train to southern France, crossing Paris by metro? Good luck to all of us as we steel ourselves to become travellers again. Here's to collective confidence.

Thank you so much for this thread! I too have lost confidence in travelling outside my comfort zone and thought I was going mad or had the start of dementia! Prior to Covid, I absolutely loved travelling - car, public transport, aeroplane and was at my happiest exploring somewhere new that I’d never been before. Now the thought of all the above feels terrifying. It’s so reassuring to know that I’m not alone and, perhaps this is ‘normal’. Once again, thanks to all you Gransnetters

I have lost confidence in driving. I used to live in rural France where roads were quiet and traffic light, but have moved now to a very congested UK town.
When we moved we didn't buy a car, and used buses, trains and taxis, but when lockdown came all those were off limits and so we bought a car (over the internet and without seeing it before it was delivered, but all went smoothly).
Now DH drives and I have just been too scared to drive. I'll have to get back into it one day but my confidence is close to zero.
Hope you enjoy your trip, Bluebell.

probably not much help as nothing to do with covid, i had to travel from glasgow to coventry, i have epilepsy and borderline agoraphobia, i have never had to travel alone, i contacted the disabily help and they had someone to put me on and off the train, i can't read on the train (had two to get) but i had some music to listen to and my son would send me texts to help keep me calm, the first time i was going to see my dad, i had not seen him in over 30 years, i kept telling myself it would be okay, i am in my 50s and just wanted to see him and give him a hug, i have made the journey 3 times before covid, i had hoped to go this year but cancer reared it's ugly head again so hopefully next year, maybe ask the chemist/doctor if you can get something that is non drowsy to help. i hope you enjoy your journey and you time away

So relieved to read that I’m not the only person having those feelings!!

I felt exactly the same as you and under exactly the same travel circumstances but when I actually did it, it was not nearly as bad as I anticipated, in fact, I felt super pleased with myself and that I overcame quite a big hurdle. Until the pandemic I have literally travelled round the world with no problem, but with age and shielding I lost all my confidence. It is coming back slowly. ?

travelsafar

I am due in October to go to London to see a show which we had booked to go to over 18months ago. I feel nervous even thinking about it. Getting on the train to London the underground then the theatre. I have to use a stick now and the thought of how much walking may be involved gives me anxious feelings, plus the ever present problem of .......where are the loo's!!!! Am going with my sister and two of my nieces so not alone, but dont want to be a nuisance to any of them. I wasnt as bad mobility wise when we booked the show. I think this may my last trip to London.

Travelsafar I think you should suggest to your sister and nieces that you all take a taxi to get from the station to the theatre, rather than struggle on the Underground. It can involve a lot of walking!
Plus I always use the toilet on the train just before it arrives in London.

I m so pleased I started this thread as it appears many of us are in the same boat it’s not even just about travelling Reading through all the dos and donts and stuff to fill in on the Ryanair website threw me completely it seemed incredibly complex I had to get help and felt such a wimp
But I ve done it now and you all will too when it gets to your time to travel, remember I made it without a big hitch and you will too … and presumably we ll all improve although we are older and I guess that plays a part too
Good luck all you other travellers, car drivers, show goers etc

It’s so reassuring to hear you and others feel like this. I thought I was losing the plot! Been anxious about all sorts of things and driving and I’m normally very confident. I guess the pandemic and unusual times have affected us all and definitely more than I thought they had. I’ve realised the fragility of life !

Shinamae
That is one chopping and changing /lengthy/time consuming / tiring journey you are attempting.
Can understand your anxiety
I can get from Truro to Heathrow by coach in less time with only one stop.
Is their no local taxi firm in your area that does door to door ?
May cost more but surely in your circumstances worth it.?

We live in London and before covid we used the tubes a lot to go up the West End. Even though we could, don't fancy getting on the tube, or going to the theatre. We used to go away with Shearings on their coach trips across the country, but don't fancy that either. We have eaten out and gone away in our caravan quite a lot.

I’t’s not just driving and travelling either. Every task seems to be an enormous effort of will and anything remotely out of routine send me into a mini meltdown. I seem to be in a permanent state of anxiety about everything and anything. I worry about things going wrong and assume that a major catastrophe is just around the corner. It’s particularly confusing, as up to now, I’ve been known as capable and able to cope with every situation. Oddly, It’s not even the thought of Covid that is the major fear, but health and domestic disasters. It’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone and that this is the new normal, but it’s still frightening when I’m in the midst of a bad anxiety attack.

My hubby a frequent lone flyer didn't feel as confident taking a trip to Spain alone as he would if done pre covid. I couldn't go but my daughter and grandson went with him for moral support and to support with all the extra paperwork needed. They had a great time.

Yes like you before covid I wouldn’t bat an eyelid to do what your doing. 2yrs stuck in one place has really knocked my confidence. But I did same as you 4 weeks ago. Once I did the first train hotel etc. I was fine since then done it again still little cautious. But grandly I’m getting on with my life. I always say to myself come on you a big girl now. Nothing is different it’s all in your head and off I trot lol once you have got home you will think to yourself what was I so worried about. I also stayed in same hotel and found them very safe covid wise.