Where did my confidence go?

I totally understand this feeling. I live alone and have no family for hundreds of miles, and no friends , only acquaintances. I dont have a car anymore, for 2years I have just walked to my local shops and used Amazon for large items and Supermarket deliveries for food. Once we were told we could use buses I was delighted, the morning I had planed to go on the bus, I went into so much anxiety, which was ridiculous. I was even having a hot flush at the bus stop. Once I was on the bus I felt such a feeling of achievement.
I have taken 3 flight a year to Spain on my own for 10 years, I travel nine and a half hours to visit my son in Suffolk twice a year, and have done this for 8 years. I was so ashamed of myself for such negative behaviour. But its true that 2 years made me loose all my self confidence. I have been told this is what can happen in old age and not to give in to this feeling. I am going to buy a train card and I have purchased National Express card which I have already used to travel to London and onto Norwich in Norfolk. I will be going to Norwich again at Xmas. Once you have pushed yourself into action the confidence does come back. I am 81yrs old and try to ignore that number, and just do what I want to do.

I feel anxious about travelling but that is because I am quite a shy person and not because of covid. Last week I went to a nearby city and went and had a pub lunch on my own for the first time ever. It was a very quiet pub and it was fine. A couple of weeks ago I went into a cafe and had a snack, again on my own. I know most people probably wouldn't give these things a second thought but they were huge steps for me. Today I organised a couple of days off work and plan on travelling by train to Edinburgh and staying overnight in a hotel on my own. Feel a bit nervous but I have been widowed for a couple of yrs now and have to start pushing myself to do things. In some ways I have done some quite "brave" things - went uni in a city where I knew no one, worked abroad, changed careers, etc but these were decades ago and I have definitely become less confident. So now it is time to pull on my big girl pants and go for it. Wish me luck!
PS if you live in Edinburgh maybe you could recommend what to do

Hello Bluebelle, I know exactly where you’re coming from, it’s like we have to relearn old skills with a new slant. I hope you have a wonderful time and once you have done it give yourself a pat and after that your confidence will be renewed I’m sure…. ☺️ enjoy!

Well done BlueBell having achieved your journey. It will give you confidence going forward. As MawBe says ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’.

So true.

“I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but it comes from within. It is there all the time.”
Anna Freud.
Psychoanalyst

The giver achieved what it perceived was necessary for lockdown with what it assumed would be a recalcitrant public. They under estimated how scared we all were last year, pre-vaccines. Remember those days? No wonder some of us struggle with mental health issues now.

Giver? Duh.
Government!

I have just passed up on a free trip with my daughter. I had only a couple of hours to decide whether to go or not, and in the end, the cons outweighed the pros. Now I am somewhat regretting it, and reading this thread I am wondering if I just didn’t want to step out of my comfort zone.
So tomorrow morning I am going to go out somewhere i haven’t been before, or not for a long time, just to make sure i can do it.

Well done BlueBelle for making that trip. I admire you for it. I’ve also been having weird anxiety attacks all over the place with travel and getting out of normal routes. Been travelling on tube since aged 11 to school. When I went on it few months ago, had to hang on to walls to ground myself! Better with that now. Driving is my issue now, though. It’s akin to agoraphobia.

I owe my good friend's in London a visit, and the three and a half hour train journey to King's Cross is OK, but I feel as though I can't face the underground with so many people around/near me. One lives in Amersham, the other in Ealing Broadway, unfortunately both are too far from Kings Cross for a taxi. I've been using my poorly dog as an excuse but the fact is my confidence and energy are low.

Shandy57
Why not a bus from Kings Cross to Ealing. It’s not too far.

We'll done Bluebell, for making the journey and for posting about your fears of making it. Onwards and upwards as they say... Live life adventurously, if you can ????️???

I was so relieved to read all these posts about lost confidence, it is far too easy to think you are the only one experiencing this. I have a combination of a bothersome health issue as well as feeling worried about moving about more. It is easy to stay within my comfort zone but I do feel I should just get out more and try to get back to the way I was before lockdowns. thank you all for your posts. And I hope everyone gets their mojos back.

I think we'd all feel more confident when we see covid cases hitting rock bottom. If that ever happens then we can then throw away our masks and I'm sure confidence will return.

There are things (including simple routines) that we're unfamiliar with now. So, they'll seem like a challenge at first until we're used to them.

Sometimes we overthink the hazards and complications, even subconsciously, and feel a rising panic.

I felt the panic strongly once when, having taught for ages, I was suddenly landed with the 'class from hell' for the following day. (Their teacher was off sick, unsurprisingly.)

I had butterflies on the way to work, followed by a trembly feeling and cold sweats. I drank an energy drink (not a good idea) then felt light headed and disconnected.

I walked in and - they were absolutely fine. It was all nerves and anxiety!

Daisend1

Shinamae
That is one chopping and changing /lengthy/time consuming / tiring journey you are attempting.
Can understand your anxiety
I can get from Truro to Heathrow by coach in less time with only one stop.
Is their no local taxi firm in your area that does door to door ?
May cost more but surely in your circumstances worth it.?

Thanks D,But now my daughter picks me up in Reading I only have one change at Exeter so it’s okay,it was when I had to go through to Paddington then two underground and overground that I freaked out about…?

On the plus side, I enjoy being at home in my comfort zone more than I used to, when I was looking for activities. It's very restful.

What a wonderful thread you started Bluebell, thank you and all the other people who have contributed so honestly, so much. I have been wondering about my mental state for a while too. Confidence is at a pretty low ebb, and I don't recognise myself. I also feel I've aged. Triggered all the time.

Far too happy to potter around at home and our tiny garden...I have used the bus once or twice and hated it. People just come and sit next to others without even asking. I used them almost daily before.

Get so worked up when people come close or push past to the extent that I will walk in the road to avoid congested places. Princes Street is as busy now as ever it was. Stayed away for the whole festival.

We had to do a trip from here in Edinburgh to S Devon in June this year, we drove and it was ok, busy sorting out my beloved (late) mum's flat. But the anxiety and stress I felt before going was out of all proportion - panics, lists like never before, bad nights; it's a trip I've done so many times, often travelling alone, without any problems. But not now it seems.

Added to which I am having to self isolate for a fortnight because I'm going in to hospital for a small heart op on Thursday, and I am trying so hard not to imagine the worst. I will hold on to what a PP said about having covid while undergoing chemo and focus on the positives. Shall up my mindfulness and breathing. I am aware I need help but maybe time will be the solution.

LucyW I did a long weekend to Edinburgh on my own. Spent a day looking round Edinburgh and the castle then late afternoon did a tour of the underground lanes. Next day I had a dream of a tour of the Highlands stopping at Loch Ness for a cruise Mini coaches so not many people www.rabbies.com/en
Went on National Express up one side of the country through Newcastle then returned West side down through Lake District an Birmingham. You will love Scotland

I’m just the same. I dearly want to drive to Brighton from Shrewsbury to see old friend. Would not have been a problem before but now I just can’t do it. Yet I’m a good driver. My car has been on drive since first lockdown. No one know of my fears, except GN now. One big thing is my son and DiL stopped me taking children out in car. No reason apart from my reaching 70. Well that knocks you.

So true. I went to stay with a friend in Essex and was so anxious getting the train I had to remind myself it wasn't the trans Siberian railway.

It's the stations that intimidate me. Laving from our small-town station is easy, but then I have to traipse what seems like half a mile in a huge urban station where the lifts are not always easy to find. The journey is comfortable, but then there's another complicated, maze-like urban station, with several levels to negotiate. What a relief to arrive at my final destination to find my sister waiting as I fumble my ticket through the machine at the gate!

Oh, thank heavens it’s not just me! To be fair I’ve never been the gregarious type but now, it wouldn’t bother me if I never went more than 5 miles from my home, ever again.

I had a hospital appointment last week and had to do a 58 mile trip even though I live 3 miles from a large teaching hospital. I was emotional and exhausted when I got back. I just felt huge anxiety and will not be returning for my results.

I feel exactly the same - I'm really anxious about leaving my area - 2 years ago I flew to the USA on my own, now I feel unsure about getting on the tube - I'm trying to do slightly more adventurous trips every week, managed to go outside of London this week which felt huge, but it's no surprise really is it

My pre-covid get up and go has truly gone. No confidence very anxious, apathy and do not want to do anything remotely challenging. DH sees things differently which is awkward. I feel I have aged mentally and I suppose feel sad for the way life has changed. This topic is so helpful in that I am not unusual and so many have similar anxieties. Thanks to all contributors, especially BlueBelle.

I am due to meet a friend in London on Thursday. I haven't seen her since January 2020. We don't often get the chance to meet as she lives in Suffolk and Spain and I live in Surrey. I am feeling very anxious about travelling and have planned the route so that I don't need to travel on the underground or the buses. So, no, you are not alone.

You have my sympathy. I went to France to visit my daughter and family (new grandson) in late May /early June. Expensive for the Covid19 tests and stressful. But worth it. They came here at the end of July and faced similar expense and challenges. Tomorrow we are off to Normandy for 5 days for a reunion, half-way for each of us (Versailles and Farnham in Surrey). I am nervous, particularly because of the Covid19 restrictions and expenses and also because we haven't driven in France for about 15 years. Biting the bullet is important. I am terrified but we need to do this. Otherwise, I will never have a meaningful relationship with my grandchild. Pray for us, if you can. I'm terrified. My husband has Parkinson's disease, which just makes it all harder....