To Move or Not to move?

It is a big thing to move to a new area. It might seem as though it has everything you want but what if it is not right when you get there! You should visit the area at different times of the day and night and also at weekends to get a proper feel for the place. You could be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire! Maybe your husband thinks this too. Good luck.

Not wanting to move can have different meanings. Maybe it's just the thought of all the hard work and upheaval - with no guarantee of a happier future?

I'd be making preparations anyway. I'd get rid of all excess furniture and possessions (sell or donate) store things away and get back to basics. Moving when young was so easy, with more energy - and far fewer things!

You could rent out your house for a year (fixed term) and rent in your new area. Ok, you have to pay tax on the income, but it allows a way back - or a smooth transition to selling, then having the luxury of time in choosing your new place.

I don't think folk realise how stressful it can be Daftbag. Perhaps curl up with your book until you feel able to cope.

We moved a few weeks ago, for all the right reasons, and I love where we are, but & there's always a but, I think, I'm struggling with everything. I'm feeling really low, I'm fed up of the mess (we are having to do a lot of work), I've got little motivation, and I just want to curl up with a book! It's not easy, and don't underestimate how big the upheaval is.

A friend of mine, upped sticks on retirement and returned somewhere she had previously enjoyed living and had been very happy. We all suggested that she rent for a while to check that it was where she really wanted to be, but she was not having it. She was returning 'home' to a place she had always loved. Needless to say, it was a disaster and I am convinced hastened her premature death.

My husband was adamant he was not moving from our 4 bedroom house, but I nagged him so much he gave in. We moved to a lovely bungalow, having both agreed it was very nice, about 2 years ago in a village about 10 miles from where we had lived for 23 years. It has turned out to be a good move and we are very happy. It is perfect for our older years and our neighbours are all about the same age as us. My husband often says it was the best decision HE ever made ?

I wonder if there is more going on within your relationship....if there is You will take your problems with you....Take care

My husband is exactly the same. He's happy with life as it is and has no desire to have the adventure /hassle of moving. We eventually compromised by buying a mobile home on a lovely caravan site in a seaside town with plenty to do and lovely walks. And friendly neighbours and we spend most of the summer here. Perhaps this would satisfy you.

When we were considering moving from a large city to the Devon coast we put our touring caravan on a seasonal pitch.
We spent a year in the area visiting seaside towns and country villages in all weathers to make sure we were happy about moving there.
Everything looks lovely on a warm sunny day but look at facilities shops, doctors hospitals, hills in the snow parking etc before you make the move. Go for lots of weekends even in bad weather. Don't rush it

I have moved house often and moved areas too. While the actual packing up is a hassle the rest is great. New area, new challenges, different views, new places to visit, new groups to join and new friends to meet. Our most recent move allow us to
Join things that didn’t exist where we were before and we’ve met lots of new friends - even going on holiday with some soon.
I couldn’t walk down the same street, wake up to the same view every day of my life. Maybe I’m just not content enough / but moving really does stop
Boredom setting in as you have to form new habits, decorate differently and talk to new people in your different location. You don’t go stale.

I moved after 35 years in a house I loved due to a very troublesome relative bothering me night and day. I then sat in my new house and cried with relief (relative doesn't know my new address)

I think you need to:
- clarify why he has changed his mind so categorically
- sit down together with a large piece of paper divided into 6

Headings:
*Advantages of staying where you are
*Disadvantages of staying where you are
*Non negotiables in your potential new home/area: -eg garden/balcony/outside space; 2 bedrooms; kitchen diner ...or whatever. Train station/links; good bus service; local hospital or whatever
*Pros of moving - eg manageable garden; new area; quieter area; seaside; new interests/opportunities or whatever
*Cons of moving:- eg away from friends/family; loss of present clubs/interests
*Notes/thoughts/considerations

Use this to have some really detailed conversations about it all. Listening to each other, thinking, returning to the subject, thinking, Give yourselves eg 6 weeks /1 month to do that. Then look again at where you both are and how you are feeling

This worked for us 6 years ago. In the end we didn't move but ripped our house apart inside and put it back together again, knocked down walls, redesigned things, and the garden and felt like we had a new house. Actually we didn't do that , it was builders, (!!) but it was worth it for us. We don't regret it!

We are in the same position. Lived in our home area all our lives but due to changes with it being a London borough we are desperate to move away towards the coast. Easier said than done as few properties suitable available and those that are are snapped up. I’m hoping if not this year, then next year.

We were in an almost identical situation 5 years ago (even the same ages). I can't offer any advice as only you know what impact this will have on your relationship but I sympthasise with you so much. DH's stubbornness drove me to despair but to give you hope, I persevered and he did eventually agree to move. He now tells everybody, it's the best decision WE made!

When I met DH 16 years ago he said he wasn’t tied to the area we live in. We are fairly isolated and in a house we are struggling to financially maintain but he announced the other day that we are NOT moving from here. I feel very cheated as, apart from anything else, I moved in with him so we will never choose a home together

Hi, I'm in the same boat! I want to move, husband says it's a waste of money. So sick of the area we live in, been here for 24 years, longest I've lived in one house, I never really liked the area when we first moved. The garden is too big and would love something easier to manage. I feel your pain !

I doubt that he has ‘duped’ you! I suspect he was up for it in theory, but visiting the new area made him realise he didn’t want it. Is it possible that you are feeling restless for something different as many people are due to to frustrations and limitations of the last 2-years. If that is even part of your wish to move, be careful what you wish for. It’s possible that you would regret the move.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JMcD - similar for me. Same age gap too. Our caring son wants us to move nearer him. Half an hour away. Husband can’t do much and I have my problems but manage very well. We both love this house but I’m trying to be practical. Also husband beginning to “ lose” it. Have sold this house in theory but now he is kicking off. Might have to over ride him. Advice welcomed. Hope I am not imposing.

Thank you all for your responses. It is clear that we are not an isolated case! It is important that we are both happy and eventually one of us must compromise.

Covid also made me realise that I wanted to move only mines to be closer to family. Just got to find a place to fall in love with first. lol nothing wrong with wanting different things after all your two different ppl. You married to each other not joined at hip. My ex hubby mum and dad are similar ages and she as just decided she wants different to him. So she’s gone to a different area and after 55yrs together she said she is happy she as ever being. He’s still a grumpy. Lol

Perhaps you have some stored up creative energy. Maybe a redecorating project or pursuing a course of interest at a local university may help with the boredom. I can understand that someone who is in their 70s may not want to uproot and if you force the issue and move this may make all of the dreams about a new home become a drag. I wish you well in whatever is decided.

What exactly are you bored with? You mention that this other place has a good high street, theatres and transport links and a golf course for your husband. Does he actually play golf/want to leave his present club and friends there? You’re not going to go shopping on this wonderful new high street every day, or go to the theatre every night (perhaps your husband doesn’t care much for the theatre anyway?). What else does this other place offer apart from different scenery? Are you just generally fed up and lacking in outside interests which may be available close to where you live if you seek them out? And as others have suggested, holidays abroad or in the UK can provide a lot of different scenery without the hassle and expense of moving.

Another one who sympathises here. I got DH to move but then had to put up with 18 months of sulking. He is happy now and has found activities but I still want adventure and am frustrated by the fact that he is settling into old age even though he's only 69!!
All very well saying go on my own but he doesn't like that and insists he wants to come even though I know he doesn't really. He spoiled a trip to Australia by limiting the time away and the extent of the trip. I'm not surprised at the surge in 60+ divorces. A desire for adventure is a hard one to compromise on.

There are some overlaps in my situation, JMcD. You have my sympathy!! Interesting and helpful discussion thread too. Anyway, I do hope you manage to reach some kind of agreement which more or less meets both of your needs/wants. Compromise can become harder with age, so best of luck!! ?.