Why do some people inform an adult person who is tall of the fact that he or she is tall?

Agreed, MayBeMaw*. One of my grandsons is mixed race. He’s 7yo and other pupils are now asking him things like ‘which side are you on?’ which is leaving him bewildered, to say the least. Words have been had with the school, of course.

He is also the youngest in his year, being 4yrs 3wks when he began yet the tallest child in his year. He’s never had any grief from that, nor have any of the other tall people in my family. Thankfully, he doesn’t have the red hair that’s in my family - now that’s a cue for bullying, as I know to my cost.

Callistemon

^we would do well to remember the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt who said “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”.^ ???

I think I’ll put that up at work. I hope I’ll remember it when anyone makes a whoopup comment about me.

MayBeMaw

While nobody should be so mal élevé as to make disparaging remarks about anybody’s appearance, it is however up to the individual how sensitive he or she chooses to be.
EP you asked MissElly “But did you have to put up with it?”
Well many if not all could honestly answer “yes” and many more have to put up with much worse.
Try asking a red-headed boy who has just had a “kicking” in the playground for being a “ginge “ (ginger) or any young person of mixed race or belonging to an ethnic minority when the police are stopping and searching, or anybody taunted with being a “Paki”.
These are insults, even hate crime but if height - or lack of it is at issue (excluding medically defined gigantism or restricted growth ) , we would do well to remember the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt who said “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”.

I don't agree with what she said.

we would do well to remember the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt who said “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”. ???

We care rapidly reaching a stage where nobody can say anything to anyone because it is some kind of 'ist' or 'ism' or it will be personal, or they might misunderstand or misjudge.

Where does praise and encouragement come into all this?

If someone pays me a compliment by saying they like what I am wearing or my hair looks nice. My immediate reaction is a happy buzz, a happy smile and a 'thank you'. It would never occur to me to start worrying that my other clothes were horrible or yesterday my hair looked bad. I would just be happy that today my hair looked nice and/or someone liked my sweater.

I knitted myself a sweater last year, quite a plain one, with a yarn that was a mix of browns, greens and yellows. I have lost count of the number of people who commented what a lovely colour the sweater is. DH was seriously ill in hospital, and at a time of worry and woe, it quite cheered me up having people stop me a nd say what a lovely colour my sweater was.

tictacnana

It’s odd what people think they should comment on. I have a limp, due to polio when I was a baby. I’ve often been informed about this with comments like “ Don’t you walk funny !?” or “That’s a bad limp you’ve got there ! “ In my younger days I used to reply by saying I’d hurt myself whilst training for ski events in the Winter Olympics. ?

I had a broken foot that means I walk a bit oddly and some people kindly point it out to me.
As if I didn't know!

Cynnybobbooboo66

I'm quite short in height it doesn't bother me in the least if people feel they need to remind me . People are far to touchy nowadays. What's so wrong about someone mentioning someone else's height ?

Please read this carefully and I hope nobody assumes that I am saying something that I am not saying.

Quite some years ago when I was working a booklet came round about sexual harassment and people were all asked to read it and note its content.

In the list of things that are sexual harassment was included making remarks about someone's physical appearance.

I thought oh, I wonder if someone claimed that a comment about someone's height, being a comment about someone's physical appearance, were that, what would be the reaction.

I wondered if it would be treated as "oh that's different" on a sort of "the wrong type of comment about someone's physical appearance" like "the wrong type of snow".

Commenting on someone's height is commenting on their genetic makeup.

While nobody should be so mal élevé as to make disparaging remarks about anybody’s appearance, it is however up to the individual how sensitive he or she chooses to be.
EP you asked MissElly “But did you have to put up with it?”
Well many if not all could honestly answer “yes” and many more have to put up with much worse.
Try asking a red-headed boy who has just had a “kicking” in the playground for being a “ginge “ (ginger) or any young person of mixed race or belonging to an ethnic minority when the police are stopping and searching, or anybody taunted with being a “Paki”.
These are insults, even hate crime but if height - or lack of it is at issue (excluding medically defined gigantism or restricted growth ) , we would do well to remember the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt who said “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”.

Mollygo

But EP why were you paying for lessons at all if your father could teach you?

Well in the event we did not pay for driving lessons.

It was that some other people in the cohort were, as they turned 17, having driving lessons and so my father kindly offered to pay for me to have them.

The reason that he taught me was because of my fear of going because I might be made to feel humiliated because of someone making a whoopup about my height when they met me.

It’s odd what people think they should comment on. I have a limp, due to polio when I was a baby. I’ve often been informed about this with comments like “ Don’t you walk funny !?” or “That’s a bad limp you’ve got there ! “ In my younger days I used to reply by saying I’d hurt myself whilst training for ski events in the Winter Olympics. ?

I'm quite short in height it doesn't bother me in the least if people feel they need to remind me . People are far to touchy nowadays. What's so wrong about someone mentioning someone else's height ?

Mollygo

Oh dear. Had I better tell DH not to mention the fact that we always have to move the car seat because although he’s taller, my legs are longer.
Now if you’d told him that was why you chose not to use his instruction, you could have stopped others suffering.
The oddest bit of that story is, if your father could teach you, why would you spend money on an instructor?
Everyone suffers. Taller people are always sent to the back row of choir and shorter members always sent the front because if their height. It isn’t kind, any more than fat, thin, or short comments are, but people just learn to live with it.

No, mentioning moving the car seat is fine, as nobody is making a whoopup over the length of your legs. That is the fundamental issue involved.

If I had found him and told him, as a 17 year old, who knows what might have been his reaction.

It is not at all odd. My father offered to pay for me to go so that I could have the benefit of a professional driving instructor.

Shortly before I took my driving test, after he had taught me, he offered to pay for me to have a few lessons from a professional driving instructor, but I politely declined as I felt that if I did I would always feel that there would be ambiguity of why I passed. The driving examiner asked me afterwards who had taught me, and I said my father and he asked me is he a professional driving instructor and I said no.

I really don't think people are that interested in how tall or short others are.
Most people can barely describe others, when asked, because it simply doesnt register.

But EP why were you paying for lessons at all if your father could teach you?

Silverbridge

That example really is verging on oversensitivity. A whoopup over seat adjustment? Chances are every learner driver taking the driving seat will have to adjust it. It's part of the learning process. Making sure seat position, rear and side view mirror positions are right for the individual. If I take the seat after a taller person, I have to move the seat closer to the pedals. If I drive a hire care or indeed any other car that I am not the regular driver of, I have to make adjustments. Why is it such a big deal?

No, the whoopup was over him being tall. The instrucor could have just adjusted the seat or even said "I'll adjust the seat for you", but from what I was told it was a whoopup about him being tall.

I have been to places, such as dentists and opticians, where seating adjustments needed to be made and it was all done sensibly and with sensitivity.

If someone told me my hair looked nice, Mollygo I'd be so relieved I'd love them for ever ?

I must admit I was intrigued watching episode one of Greg Davies' new series The Cleaner in which he plays a Crime Scene cleaner, clearing up the gory messes after the SOCO team have done their work. Greg Davies (6'8") playing opposite Helen Bonham Carter (5'1"). Maybe it was a deliberate juxtaposition of his gentle giantness and her diminutive murderess.

Callistemon it’s risky saying anything. Sorry for the digression from height, but if someone says, “Your hair looks nice today”, it could be construed as saying it didn’t look nice yesterday.

Do we have to add Tallist to the list of what is non-pc now, eg racist, sexist, ageist?

Now Tallist and perhaps Shortist?

Asking for a friend.

Oh dear. Had I better tell DH not to mention the fact that we always have to move the car seat because although he’s taller, my legs are longer.
Now if you’d told him that was why you chose not to use his instruction, you could have stopped others suffering.
The oddest bit of that story is, if your father could teach you, why would you spend money on an instructor?
Everyone suffers. Taller people are always sent to the back row of choir and shorter members always sent the front because if their height. It isn’t kind, any more than fat, thin, or short comments are, but people just learn to live with it.

That example really is verging on oversensitivity. A whoopup over seat adjustment? Chances are every learner driver taking the driving seat will have to adjust it. It's part of the learning process. Making sure seat position, rear and side view mirror positions are right for the individual. If I take the seat after a taller person, I have to move the seat closer to the pedals. If I drive a hire care or indeed any other car that I am not the regular driver of, I have to make adjustments. Why is it such a big deal?

One man I never met lost money over his attitude to tall people.

As our cohort were turning 17 people were getting driving lessons and passing the driving test and people were recommending this one instructor and he was getting lots of business. A boy a couple of months older than me and almost the same height then went to him and the man had made a bit of a whoopup about him being tall and how he had would need to put the seat right back for him. So I chose not to go to him on the basis it was bad enough having to put up with it, but I wasn't going to pay money to have to put up with it. So he lost business but never knew.

My father taught me to drive as I was fearful of the possibility of some other driving instructor making a whoopup about my height. I passed first time.

Just an example of the way such comments can affect someone.

MissElly

Talk about First world problems! As my mother used to say, if that’s the worst that happens you, you’re doing well.

But did you have to put up with it!

It really doesn't take much for people to make insensitive comments about other people's appearance. I guess they must think they're perfect specimens of the human race!

No idea, Heard people say ‘your tiny’ too
But thats harmless and just an observation really.
An ex navy friend of my brother, who thinks his the bees
knees often comments and calls people fat when his out shopping or at meetings etc
His mid 60s, scruffy and around 26 stone if anyone should keep a unnecessary comment to himself it’s him
We have tried telling him someone will hear him one of these
Days but he won’t listen
Just can’t help some people
…. Why would he do this ?