Why do some people inform an adult person who is tall of the fact that he or she is tall?

Do we have to add Tallist to the list of what is non-pc now, eg racist, sexist, ageist?

Now Tallist and perhaps Shortist?

Asking for a friend.

Callistemon it’s risky saying anything. Sorry for the digression from height, but if someone says, “Your hair looks nice today”, it could be construed as saying it didn’t look nice yesterday.

I must admit I was intrigued watching episode one of Greg Davies' new series The Cleaner in which he plays a Crime Scene cleaner, clearing up the gory messes after the SOCO team have done their work. Greg Davies (6'8") playing opposite Helen Bonham Carter (5'1"). Maybe it was a deliberate juxtaposition of his gentle giantness and her diminutive murderess.

If someone told me my hair looked nice, Mollygo I'd be so relieved I'd love them for ever ?

Silverbridge

That example really is verging on oversensitivity. A whoopup over seat adjustment? Chances are every learner driver taking the driving seat will have to adjust it. It's part of the learning process. Making sure seat position, rear and side view mirror positions are right for the individual. If I take the seat after a taller person, I have to move the seat closer to the pedals. If I drive a hire care or indeed any other car that I am not the regular driver of, I have to make adjustments. Why is it such a big deal?

No, the whoopup was over him being tall. The instrucor could have just adjusted the seat or even said "I'll adjust the seat for you", but from what I was told it was a whoopup about him being tall.

I have been to places, such as dentists and opticians, where seating adjustments needed to be made and it was all done sensibly and with sensitivity.

But EP why were you paying for lessons at all if your father could teach you?

I really don't think people are that interested in how tall or short others are.
Most people can barely describe others, when asked, because it simply doesnt register.

Mollygo

Oh dear. Had I better tell DH not to mention the fact that we always have to move the car seat because although he’s taller, my legs are longer.
Now if you’d told him that was why you chose not to use his instruction, you could have stopped others suffering.
The oddest bit of that story is, if your father could teach you, why would you spend money on an instructor?
Everyone suffers. Taller people are always sent to the back row of choir and shorter members always sent the front because if their height. It isn’t kind, any more than fat, thin, or short comments are, but people just learn to live with it.

No, mentioning moving the car seat is fine, as nobody is making a whoopup over the length of your legs. That is the fundamental issue involved.

If I had found him and told him, as a 17 year old, who knows what might have been his reaction.

It is not at all odd. My father offered to pay for me to go so that I could have the benefit of a professional driving instructor.

Shortly before I took my driving test, after he had taught me, he offered to pay for me to have a few lessons from a professional driving instructor, but I politely declined as I felt that if I did I would always feel that there would be ambiguity of why I passed. The driving examiner asked me afterwards who had taught me, and I said my father and he asked me is he a professional driving instructor and I said no.

I'm quite short in height it doesn't bother me in the least if people feel they need to remind me . People are far to touchy nowadays. What's so wrong about someone mentioning someone else's height ?

It’s odd what people think they should comment on. I have a limp, due to polio when I was a baby. I’ve often been informed about this with comments like “ Don’t you walk funny !?” or “That’s a bad limp you’ve got there ! “ In my younger days I used to reply by saying I’d hurt myself whilst training for ski events in the Winter Olympics. ?

Mollygo

But EP why were you paying for lessons at all if your father could teach you?

Well in the event we did not pay for driving lessons.

It was that some other people in the cohort were, as they turned 17, having driving lessons and so my father kindly offered to pay for me to have them.

The reason that he taught me was because of my fear of going because I might be made to feel humiliated because of someone making a whoopup about my height when they met me.

While nobody should be so mal élevé as to make disparaging remarks about anybody’s appearance, it is however up to the individual how sensitive he or she chooses to be.
EP you asked MissElly “But did you have to put up with it?”
Well many if not all could honestly answer “yes” and many more have to put up with much worse.
Try asking a red-headed boy who has just had a “kicking” in the playground for being a “ginge “ (ginger) or any young person of mixed race or belonging to an ethnic minority when the police are stopping and searching, or anybody taunted with being a “Paki”.
These are insults, even hate crime but if height - or lack of it is at issue (excluding medically defined gigantism or restricted growth ) , we would do well to remember the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt who said “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”.

Cynnybobbooboo66

I'm quite short in height it doesn't bother me in the least if people feel they need to remind me . People are far to touchy nowadays. What's so wrong about someone mentioning someone else's height ?

Please read this carefully and I hope nobody assumes that I am saying something that I am not saying.

Quite some years ago when I was working a booklet came round about sexual harassment and people were all asked to read it and note its content.

In the list of things that are sexual harassment was included making remarks about someone's physical appearance.

I thought oh, I wonder if someone claimed that a comment about someone's height, being a comment about someone's physical appearance, were that, what would be the reaction.

I wondered if it would be treated as "oh that's different" on a sort of "the wrong type of comment about someone's physical appearance" like "the wrong type of snow".

Commenting on someone's height is commenting on their genetic makeup.

tictacnana

It’s odd what people think they should comment on. I have a limp, due to polio when I was a baby. I’ve often been informed about this with comments like “ Don’t you walk funny !?” or “That’s a bad limp you’ve got there ! “ In my younger days I used to reply by saying I’d hurt myself whilst training for ski events in the Winter Olympics. ?

I had a broken foot that means I walk a bit oddly and some people kindly point it out to me.
As if I didn't know!

We care rapidly reaching a stage where nobody can say anything to anyone because it is some kind of 'ist' or 'ism' or it will be personal, or they might misunderstand or misjudge.

Where does praise and encouragement come into all this?

If someone pays me a compliment by saying they like what I am wearing or my hair looks nice. My immediate reaction is a happy buzz, a happy smile and a 'thank you'. It would never occur to me to start worrying that my other clothes were horrible or yesterday my hair looked bad. I would just be happy that today my hair looked nice and/or someone liked my sweater.

I knitted myself a sweater last year, quite a plain one, with a yarn that was a mix of browns, greens and yellows. I have lost count of the number of people who commented what a lovely colour the sweater is. DH was seriously ill in hospital, and at a time of worry and woe, it quite cheered me up having people stop me a nd say what a lovely colour my sweater was.

we would do well to remember the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt who said “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”. ???

MayBeMaw

While nobody should be so mal élevé as to make disparaging remarks about anybody’s appearance, it is however up to the individual how sensitive he or she chooses to be.
EP you asked MissElly “But did you have to put up with it?”
Well many if not all could honestly answer “yes” and many more have to put up with much worse.
Try asking a red-headed boy who has just had a “kicking” in the playground for being a “ginge “ (ginger) or any young person of mixed race or belonging to an ethnic minority when the police are stopping and searching, or anybody taunted with being a “Paki”.
These are insults, even hate crime but if height - or lack of it is at issue (excluding medically defined gigantism or restricted growth ) , we would do well to remember the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt who said “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”.

I don't agree with what she said.

Callistemon

^we would do well to remember the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt who said “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”.^ ???

I think I’ll put that up at work. I hope I’ll remember it when anyone makes a whoopup comment about me.

Agreed, MayBeMaw*. One of my grandsons is mixed race. He’s 7yo and other pupils are now asking him things like ‘which side are you on?’ which is leaving him bewildered, to say the least. Words have been had with the school, of course.

He is also the youngest in his year, being 4yrs 3wks when he began yet the tallest child in his year. He’s never had any grief from that, nor have any of the other tall people in my family. Thankfully, he doesn’t have the red hair that’s in my family - now that’s a cue for bullying, as I know to my cost.

M0nica

We care rapidly reaching a stage where nobody can say anything to anyone because it is some kind of 'ist' or 'ism' or it will be personal, or they might misunderstand or misjudge.

Where does praise and encouragement come into all this?

If someone pays me a compliment by saying they like what I am wearing or my hair looks nice. My immediate reaction is a happy buzz, a happy smile and a 'thank you'. It would never occur to me to start worrying that my other clothes were horrible or yesterday my hair looked bad. I would just be happy that today my hair looked nice and/or someone liked my sweater.

I knitted myself a sweater last year, quite a plain one, with a yarn that was a mix of browns, greens and yellows. I have lost count of the number of people who commented what a lovely colour the sweater is. DH was seriously ill in hospital, and at a time of worry and woe, it quite cheered me up having people stop me a nd say what a lovely colour my sweater was.

I would be interested to know your take on tis please.

From time to time I used sometimes to watch (some of) each of the political party conferences on the television.

Typically the person chairing the meeting calls someone to speak and asks someone else to be ready to be the following speaker.

So I remember a Labour party one where the female chairperson called someone and then said "and then the blonde lady".

So sure enough, the next speaker came and because of that remark she was "the blonde lady" however much I tried not to think that and not to be conscious of "blonde hair with a woman beneath it" going to the podium and a blonde lady speaking. The person chairing the meeting had brought the lady's physical appearance into it and put the focus on that.

So what do people think about that?

As a private music teacher l have occasionally had very tall pupils and I always apologise when I have to mention the fact, which will be in the context of the correct posture at the instrument, which is vital. A few years ago, I taught an extremely tall young man, l believe he was 6’5”, the viola. Unlike violins and ‘cellos, full size violas come in a variety of sizes. Mine is small and his was enormous. The music stand, opened to full extent, had to then be placed on the chair to make it the right height. He told me how complete strangers felt that they could come up to him in the street and point out how tall he was. Fortunately, he was a very confident person and would look all around him and say: “Really, I never knew. Thank you for telling me.”
I think it is easier for men to be very tall than women. I taught another girl, who was probably 6’ tall by the age of 14 and she was bullied at school for it. She was also very bright and attractive too so there was obviously an element of jealousy. I remember telling her that she could easily be a model and that someone like me would never have a chance of being one. When she asked why, I replied that it was because I am too short, too fat and too old!

My daughter was always tall for her age and people used to say /ask the stupidest things :

You're a big girl aren't you?

When are you going to stop growing?

Do you want to be a policewoman when you grow up?

It used to really annoy me and she got fed up with it.

Mollygo

Callistemon

we would do well to remember the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt who said “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent”. ???

I think I’ll put that up at work. I hope I’ll remember it when anyone makes a whoopup comment about me.

Mollygo I can't take the credit, it was MayBeMaw who posted it first and it seems very wise to me

However, as EP has pointed out yet again, describing someone by their physical appearance may not be wise.

#brunetteoldwoman

EP, for me it would be a non-issue, the chairperson could equally have said the blonde man, the lady in the blue dress, the man in the pink shirt. Once I knew it was not me being chosen, I would just see them as the person asking/ answering a question/saying their piece. Any descriptions used to identify them would be quickly forgotten.

Snyway, when you are inviting people to speak from an audience and you do not know their names, how else do you it? You do not have the time to count seats and rows, the person 5 seats along in row 20. Would the person chosen know they were in row 20, seat number 5? So picking out a clearly recogniseable feature of the person, whether hair, or clothing seems the sensible way to go.

My youngest DS was always tall at 6' arv15 and constantly picked on, was attacked numerous times for absolno reason , probably by insecure little*** who thought they'd have a go at the tall lad? He's not in the slightest aggressive or assertive really which didn't help him. Me on the other hand, ? He once had me walk him to Kung Fu classes during petrol strike then when I asked him if he cared I may be scared walking home and back again for him on my own?! He answered "no cos you're not scared of anyone!" He's right, I'm not and I guess it's apparent as I was always left alone/ always overlooked if there's any bovva!