The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning

Having read this thread, I’m going to make sorting out my stuff a job for the cold days and dark nights. We had a proper loft ladder fitted 7 years ago and I’ve only been up there a handful of times.

I tidy as I go, now.

Years ago, when still quite young, I disposed of old love letters. private letters from friends and family quite regularly, as I didn't care for the thought of other people reading what was after all a private correspondance between me and a good friend.

My parents left behind them apart from the things they had actually used or that had a sentimental value for them, a vast quantity of things that they either had completely forgotten they had, or had not been able to find for years, as they never tidied up, or things they knew were there (in the attic) but that they "hadn't got round to attending to". They had even moved house with all this junk, paying far more for the removal than they would have needed to, if they had gone through stuff beforehand.

My maternal aunt, on the other hand, had disposed of all her old love letters etc. clearly labelled family letters and photos she felt my sister and I should have the chance to see and just as clearly stated that we were under no obligation to keep these things.

Reaching the age where she no longer could mount five flights of steep stairs to the attics above the flat she lived in, she asked my niece and her husband to clear that attic for her, which they did.

You can all guess, can't you, whose estate was easiest to deal with?

So I regularly ask myself if there is any point in keeping this, irrespective of what this is, but based on whether I need, want or even actually see it any more. If the answer to any of these questions is no, the thing is disposed of.

I agree Monica, the thing can be carried too far. I still want "my" things around me and not to live in a home that feels like a waiting-room!

silverlining48 I'm afraid going through old paperwork and photos is very time-consuming as you do have to read everything, and sometimes get caught up in the world of the past which takes you on a long journey!

Spurred on by this thread I have spent a couple of hours doubled up in the loft. Ended up reading wartime letters and old cards and all I have to throw away is a few odd bits of old cardboard and now everything else is spread all over the place and my back hurts. I do have a few bits fir my dd who I know will give me 'that' look!
Really must try harder. Next time.

Lucca

Witzend

JaneJudge

I don't want to generalise but I think men are less emotionally attached to things. I have witnessed it in my own friends and family through death and how men just dispose of things without as much thought. I don't know whether it's just coping mechanism though. Whereas, I find it upsetting looking at old photographs and can only do it in short bursts

Not my dh and a BiL! They had to clear the house after their father died (a good 15 years after MiL) and there was masses of stuff they couldn’t bring themselves to chuck. A lot went into storage for several years - costing £££ per month ? - after which they found they didn’t mind chucking nearly all of it after all.

In my case it was my brother who struggled to pack up mums house ready for rental. We spent hours looking at each item ( of tat in my opinion!) and deciding to bin it, send to charity shop or keep. The pile of things to keep just kept on growing!

At the end, we hired a skip to get rid of some furniture and household things and in one day just filled it. But my brother ( and brother in law) were very upset at seeing books and old OS maps going in it. They kept on sneaking some out as we were adding more. I had visions of them running after the skip to remove even more things!

It was during Covid lockdowns so charity shops were closed and restrictions limited how many people could be in the house so we just had to hurry and empty the house so renovations could be done. Nightmare!

We filled the skip on Saturday and it was booked for collection on the Monday. Through the doorbell camera we watched people climb all over the skip on the Sunday taking things so some recycling did take place! One guy filled his boot with the crockery and kitchen ware, either a car booster or a landlord with an empty flat!

I love the story of Hip and Hop Witzend - wonderful names.

MrA is a real hoarder - we've been decluttering for a couple of years now and it's a real battle to get him to get rid of anything. We started off well, but I've noticed it has been some time since we got rid of any of his stuff. Not only that but the things we have got rid of he is fast replacing. Driving me mad.

Just another tip. If you want to throw things out but feel nostalgic then take photos of everything before you throw them out. That way you have a record of them forever.

JaneJudge

I don't want to generalise but I think men are less emotionally attached to things. I have witnessed it in my own friends and family through death and how men just dispose of things without as much thought. I don't know whether it's just coping mechanism though. Whereas, I find it upsetting looking at old photographs and can only do it in short bursts

Not my dh and a BiL! They had to clear the house after their father died (a good 15 years after MiL) and there was masses of stuff they couldn’t bring themselves to chuck. A lot went into storage for several years - costing £££ per month ? - after which they found they didn’t mind chucking nearly all of it after all.

Well I’ve made a start on the paperwork side.updated will, done POA, started collecting important insurance etc documents plus lists of passwords. But I’ve come to a halt and am procrastinating… However my lovely oncologist says I could probably toddle along for a few more months so I’ll get back to it in the autumn….she says ?
I haven’t got cupboards full of stuff so that’s progressing nicely.

I did the family book so everyone has the important information and family history. Husband did the photos and everyone got a full cd. I went through widowhood and did probate etc. You don`t need the death clearing book to appreciate the sheer amount of information that is needed.

Since then I did an updated will and POA, with a solicitor so all done correctly. Everything is filed neatly and all in a small suitcase, insurances, the lot. Re stuff, well I do try and keep that sorted as much as I can. A bit at a time really, something to do on a rainy day in winter without impacting too much on me

Thats another term I have never heard of.. i get the gist of it. I am a very tidy,tidy person and very organised and so I wholeheartedly agree with this, can't say I like the expression but I like its meaning.

Yes, why should we leave piles and piles of rubbish for our loved ones to shift through ! Things will be bad enough without all that, thats my view anyway.

My mum had been clearing out for a year or so when she died. But it still took 6 weeks to go through all her stuff. A lot that I'd otherwise have kept got binned because it was too hard to sort out and make decisions while grieving.

Because she was tidy, it was deceiving how much stuff she had. Every space was filled.

Having cleared out mums house when she went into a care home, I decided to get my own life and house in order.

I updated my will and set up Power of Attorney for my children then set about sorting out my cupboards room by room. I thought I had done a good job as loads went to the tip then I had my whole house redecorated in one go and realised that my wardrobes and drawers were still crammed. But I struggled to identify things to throw away this time, apart from some clothes, so I gave up!

Now I just throw things away if I replace somethings rather than store it “ just in case” so when I bought a new food processor, I went through all my kitchen appliances, pans etc and tidied up a few cupboards.

I did not put back all my ornaments after the decorating and have kept some in a box so I can swap things over if I feel like a change. That box might be culled if I don’t open it for a couple of years.

Most importantly, I have told my children where my paperwork is stored and shared the password for my iPad and lap top so they can fine important files online. I’ve moved important documents into a fire proof box as well.

Chestnut I have a whole plastic wallet full of photos from MIL's house labelled by me 'Who Are We?'

I just hope that one day someone may go through them and know.

Georgesgran ?

I'd have lent you ours

Two things which should be done by everyone:

1. Go through your old photos and write the names of the people and date if known on the back.

2. Make a list of any family heirlooms with photos, or label them, otherwise they will be thrown out.

Bitter?? Moi??

I see this thread has been resurrected and on reading through it I came across mention of a Goblin Teasmaid and thought I would post the tale I told on GN a few years ago. It was spring of 1976 and I had gone down with a mystery illness - I was so weak, I couldn’t pull the skin off of rice pudding and could barely get out of bed.
DH was leaving me in bed with a cup of tea and coming home at lunchtime to make sure I was OK. My in-laws who weren’t hard up (but mean) were the owners of said gizmo, so DH asked if there was any chance we could borrow it whilst I was laid up. MiL - not a nice person - turned him down flat.
Later, after DH’s parents died, it felt to me to clear out the house and of course, I came across the Teasmaid! Naturally, DH assumed I would just throw it out, as a useless piece of last century tat?
He had to be joking! I’ve never used it and wouldn’t as it’s probably unsafe - but it’s in my garage and now and again when I’m in there and it catches my eye, I say ‘well Aileen, who’s got the bloody Teasmade now?

I do my best to dispose of things I no longer want but paper work is never ending, so much for a paperless society. I have more paperwork now than ever and I've recently had a major sort out.

Reported

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And they live under the Hippo Tree, Callistemon, aka a big Swiss cheese plant in the bay window.

Hip and Hop
Great names!

So many things have their fashionable day, don’t they? I’ve got a commemorative plate from Queen Victoria’s 1887 Jubilee - inherited from a GM, and I dare say she inherited it from my GGPs. GM was 6 when QV died and remembered the day well.
I doubt it’s worth more than about £10 now though - TBH it’s not very beautiful! I doubt dds would want it, so probably one for the charity shop.
Among other things, I’m more concerned with two massive wooden hippos - Hip and Hop - that dh brought back from his African business trips. I would really like them to go to a loving home!