Do you engage differently on gransnet than in real life?

bikergran

Must admit has been/still are quite a few on GN that I would never like to meet or communicate with in real life.

Hence I sit in a corner watch and learn, I pop in now and again to comment or in need of advice/help etc.

Suits me!

Yes there are one or two posters who sound terribly angry a lot of the time, and if anyone queries or questions any response they make it's like setting off a firework. They are often posters who, when they pick something up incorrectly and this is pointed out to them, continue to rant and basically steamroll on refusing to accept any clarification or explanation.
I do wonder if they're like that in real life, as they must be impossible to live or work with.

I tend to cut off at four pages of replies. Beyond that, I simply don’t have the time! When I get mumsnet threads through, they’re usually around 10 plus pages in, with a few hundred replies! No point sending it to me.

It is reassuring though, that gransnet is there if I felt I really needed help with something.

’So if you met me you would already know me lol if we have ever chatted in here.’
Same here bikergran.

Many of my friends and family know who I am on GN and they say they could pick out my posts even if they didn’t know my GN name.

In real life I mix with all sorts of people and at the very least I have learned to accept that everyone (especially people I only meet online) is like an iceberg; only one tenth of who they are is visible to me and I don’t know what shaped the ninety percent I can’t see, therefore I should try not to make too many assumptions about people.

It's very hard when your not in front of the person but I guess to remember respect even if you disagree is the key here.
Everyone is facing a battle of some kind and it's not our journey to understand so a little compassion helps. There is always a reason people behave the way they do x

I agree Bikergran especially on the political threads. I feel sorry for them bleeting on about the same things everyday and jumping down posters throats if they dare to disagree!

Must admit has been/still are quite a few on GN that I would never like to meet or communicate with in real life.

Hence I sit in a corner watch and learn, I pop in now and again to comment or in need of advice/help etc.

Suits me!

No This is me here/there or anywhere.

I'm the same on here as real life(hence I don't post anything I would not say to someone face to face) no do I make nasty comments (the same as I wouldn't in real life)

So if you met me you would already know me lol if we have ever chatted in here.

I think that’s different- of course there will be times when we agree with others, and there’s nothing wrong with saying that, if it’s still relevant. It’s annoying, though when it’s clear that people have only read the OP and ignored 15 pages of replies, then posted to make the a point that has been made 100 times before, and was cleared up right at the start, anyway.

Sometimes though Doodledog I just want to acknowledge the post and not feel I am ignoring the poster. I usually put that I agree with X previous poster.

Yes, Beswitched. People can’t behave like this in ‘real life’, can they? It must deter a lot of people from posting- it definitely puts me off when I see several posts saying the same thing. You can tell when it’s been a case of cross posting and when people just can’t be bothered to take others’ thoughts on board.

The reason some threads are too long to read in the first place is because so many postets are coming on saying the same thing :

I think you should get legal advice.
I would consult a solicitor if I was you.
Why haven't you spoken to a solicitor.
Have you considered taking legal advice?

And on and on and on.
I do wonder, sometimes why the 10th or 11th poster bothers.

I think I am the same on here as in real life - or try to be.
I miss the fact that I cannot see the person I am talking to, simply to know what they look like and their facial expressions.

I always read through the threads before commenting and often find someone has already said what I was going to say so I do not comment.

Some days I find GN really fascinating and sometimes I can leave it alone for days at a time. I do prefer talking to friends I can meet.

Don’t want to derail the thread so we’ll park that there please.
I do think that the vast majority on here are genuinely nice, caring and decent people. Many are going through personal hell in one way or another and yet remain kind to others. Lots of lovely strong characters who I imagine must be the same in real life.
I hope im the same here as in life, I hope I’m not rude to others and would be grateful to be told if I caused offence rather than let resentment fester.

That's dreadful Lauranorder, a dreadful abuse of PMs. I rarely used them as anything I want to say I will put on the forum. The exception is a quick message of support when I suspect a member is being hounded or bullied.

That's awful LauraNorder using private messages like that is cowardly. I agree with Smileless action should have been taken.
I think it's no good trying to second guess a poster's background etc, I just take messages at face value and respond accordingly.

That's just wrong LauraNorder. If you've reported nasty messages then some action should have been taken. It's bad enough when posters are openly aggressive and insulting on a thread because they can hide behind their anonymity, even worse when they're so cowardly they do so via pm's.

The thing that really annoys me is when posters attribute something to the OP and other posters that they never said!! Happens a lot especially on threads of a personal and sensitive nature.

Like real life I guess, there are some who are unable/unwilling to accept what someone is saying about their own experience simply because they haven't experienced it themselves, or as you've said Doodledog it's "something that disproves their point of view".

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

If the OP has asked a question I will answer it, whatever waffle or digression has come in between. I think I come across as abrupt and severe. But I am not like that at all really.

I tend to stick to political and non-personal debate threads, as the millions of repetitive posts when people haven’t read the thread are boring, and I don’t see the point in posting if nobody is reading. I enjoy a debate in ‘real life’ too, but the difference online is that you can refer people back to what you actually said if they have jumped to conclusions. I do find that that happens a lot on here - you say one thing, and some posters read another, and make huge assumptions to fit their own world view. The ‘one person’s passionate supporter is someone else’s bigot’ thing is more of a truism on here than in real life.

I am probably more direct on here, as ‘in real life’ I am more likely to know the circumstances of people I’m talking to, and can therefore be more tactful. Online you can only respond to what people say, and can’t put it into context unless they have disclosed enough about their lives (and you have remembered). Also, I don’t see pointing out inaccuracies or illogical jumps in arguments as being personal comments - I think this has to be done when people keep using them to twist what others have said, or to divert the conversation away from something that disproves their point of view. In my opinion ‘You are stupid and can’t string a sentence together’ would be a (very) rude and personal comment, but ‘ you have twisted what I said’, or even ‘must you always jump to conclusions?’ is not.

It happens on ‘ Chrome’, so I get it on my phone, but find that awkward. I prefer my iPad, which is ‘ Safari’. So only the original post is green. So annoying isn’t it, and such a basic thing to put right I would have thought.

Yes my comments always show up on purple and the OP's in green on my phone.

OP comments are highlighted green for me and mine pink. I'm using a phone but a cheaper android one

Callistemon

DiscoDancer1975

I often read the OP and comment without reading any others. I always apologise in case I’ve missed something, but don’t like to be influenced by other answers. I then read them all once I’ve posted.

So far I’ve never missed much.

I think that is a fair point.
Perhaps having any further posts by the OP highlighted in a different colour would help, then we could see if the matter had been resolved and nothing needs to be added.

We have asked for this soooooo many times !! Apparently it happens on some versions. Not on my I pad or iPhone.

Beswitched, I'm the same in real life - just say what I think, and do try to answer the original poster. I don't read through all the replies.

If somebody has sad news and a few people sympathise, then job done and back to the conversation.