Reprimanded (Gently) for Letting My 2-Week-Old Grandson See My Face When Parents Want Him to Go To Sleep

Bonkers , if they didn't want you to look at the baby , why invite you round ! Modern parents could learn all they need to know from those with past experience !

Ktsmum

Its a technique which allegedly avoids stimulating the baby when he is supposed to be sleeping. I used it during nightime feeds only, no eye contact, change, feed and back to sleep as they come to realise there is nothing to stay awake for, I might be wrong but I think it was a Gina Ford technique

Exactly as you say - this is what I did too and for the same reasons. I treasure the memories of breastfeeding both my sons both of us gazing into each others eyes. They would always fall asleep that way. I would sometimes fake eyelids getting heavier and closing and that seemed to encourage them for real!

Congratulations on your new grandson and the fact that his parents want you involved in his life. So many seem not to now.

Please try not to get this little incident out of proportion: I understand why you felt hurt, but you said yourself that you were reprimanded gently, so let it go.

Every generation tries the latest new method of bring up their first baby. And every generation of grandparents, great-aunts and nannies (if there are any still in the land of the living) shakes their heads in amazement and thinks, "Well, that will never work."

My rule of thumb is never to offer advice until it is asked for, and never to say "well, that won't work" to whatever the parents are doing.

It's hard biting your tongue all the time, but worth it, if it keeps you on the right side of your grandson's parents.

Presumably the parents first experience of parenthood?
Sounds familiar

Also, talking about eye contact. Why do so many mums have their babies/children facing outwards in pushchairs. Children want to know that mum is near them, just turn the pushchairs so babies/toddlers can see you.

'Storm in a teacup'. Don't take offence at this one thing when baby is just 2 weeks old or you'll be anxious about doing anything wrong in the future.

What a load of twaddle. Where the hell do these ridiculous ideas come from?
I've had 5 and 12 GC

I do follow rules and never interfere.

Mine all went to sleep with me nearby. All breast fed. Sometimes fell asleep on breast. My gast is flabbered

What a load of tosh. I think I’d have just laughed and said “whatever next?” However, their baby their rules but if you’re going to be the (unpaid I assume) caregiver I’d also make it clear your house your rules when he’s with you.

So how was his dad carrying him - with his face averted? All these new-fangled ideas make me wonder how any one of us ever managed to bring up a family - including the parents of our grandchildren. We had a granny here saying she was reprimanded for allowing the child to watch television - and then there are the "do not feed the child except at 12.00 noon sharp" regulations... The mind boggles.

I agree Huguenot
I hadn’t had much hands on experience with babies at all when I had my first, so I had a huge amount to learn.

The one thing which did occur to me very early on though was that it was probably a good idea to put put the baby down to sleep while still awake, so that he learned to settle himself and drop off. I could foresee problems if I always held him and rocked him off.
Inexperienced though I was that was something I stuck to as much as possible and all of mine were very good sleepers.

I’m quite sure I made plenty of other mistakes but naps and bedtime I had sussed!

This is yet another mad "theory" probably from too much Google or "how to be a parent" searching.

For a start, don't get the child used to drifting off in someone's arms. His parents (or you when they return to work) will end up doing this even when the child is 2 or 3! I know, because I had to do this with our grandson, simply because his parents never put him in his cot to sleep.

How do we think babies learn? As my Nanny used to say, babies are artful little monkeys. They soon get the hang of things like this.

I feel your pain, my three eldest grandkids parents didn't have any specific do's and don'ts but my youngest daughter has loads of rules I can and can't do I look after him while parents at work and I do follow the rules gs is 20 months and he's good as gold and in a set routine with regard to naps and meal times and tbh makes my life easier

Callestemon when mine were toddlers I attended a course run in London as part of a larger Child Care Initiative.

The light touch application of this method was to not engage eye contact the moment bed time started.

Using it in its fullest sense was to completely resist eye contact with any interaction with the baby until this became the normal way both communicate.

I felt it was counter intuitive, and dangerous emotionally as it seemed to be the opposite of Bowlbys research.

I hear you New Granny and can empathise. When normal people become new parents they can temporarily turn into irrational and obsessive people out of fear of 'getting it wrong'. A new baby is a huge responsibility and, of course, there is so much stuff on the internet and endless books about how to be a good parent... often quite overwhelming for new parents in my opinion. These days it's no longer by instinct but by the rules. Don't take it to heart... they will relax. And you must let them do it their way and make their own mistakes, despite all the knowledge you yourself have gained that you might want to pass on. On the rare occasion that I made a suggestion to my daughter I could see that she felt a bit undermined. So just offer lots of encouragement and support and forget your own needs and ideas for just now... it will resolve itself in time. I did find it hurtful and felt quite excluded at first... but it wasn't my baby and they needed to find their own feet, themselves. It's part of their 'growing up' too.

I was/am always interested to hear or read the latest guidelines on baby and childcare and can often ‘suggest’ things to my daughter, which admittedly is quite easy as she is often receptive to many things I come up with. She has a few routines that are different to what I used to do, but I don’t find them odd, just different ! And who knows, they might work! I hope I will be the same with my other daughter and my son/ daughter in law when they (eventually!) become parents but I, of course, will feel my way gently! We tend to be quite outspoken in our family and don’t get’ crushed’ too badly so I don’t anticipate too many problems. In fact, it’s more likely to be my elder daughter, a mum of four, who gets mildly offended if her pearls of wisdom lie unheeded!

Hello there
Who said this to you?Regardless both parents are probably knackered and getting used to having a baby around regardless whether its their first or not...try and let it go for now but perhaps nearer the time you start to look after baby asked them to include you in any ideas of how they would like him/her brought up..

My Daughter will be going back to work at some point although I am unsure if I would like to look after My Grandchild even for one day a week ..our relationship hasnt always been easy so I will be taking My time with this decision for various reasons .

There is a technique used on children who get up out of bed after they’ve been settled ( we all know children like that I guess!) the adult is encouraged not to talk to or make eye contact with the child, just to gently pick up, carry and place them back into bed. Sometimes the child gets up numerous times but eventually, not getting any conversation or eye contact they give up and go to sleep! I can’t see this would work with a tiny baby. I’ve seen it work with those aged 2+ Who can get out of bed unaided.

My daughter advised me not to speak to or look at my baby grandson during his midnight feed when I had him overnight. It seemed to make a lot of sense. However, it was ADVICE and not a reprimand. You sound hurt and I don’t blame you. I’ve heard horror stories from my friend , who often has her grandchildren full time for days, about what she’s been told that she’s doing wrong. She gets very hurt but says nothing. It’s probably best to say nothing but I can imagine how you feel. Take heart, it will pass and they will probably feel embarrassed when they think of it. I still cringe when I think about the step by step instructions I gave my Mum about bottle feeding my first baby. ?X

They sound totally bonkers to me!!

But if they want to impose rules then that's up to them, but they need to tell other people what the rules are beforehand rather than telling them off when they don't know that they are doing something "wrong".

Love “The Yorkshire Farm” top class parenting. I’ve been a primary teacher for thirty years and wish all the children I’ve taught are lucky enough to have parents like Amanda and Clive. Also, as a trained psychologist, I know how important it is to establish eye contact and face recognition early on. My two month old granddaughter falls asleep gazing into my eyes whilst I sing to her, or maybe boring her ?. I really feel for OP, and feel some replies are rather harsh.

Crazy, if I were you just obey them when they are present, but when you’re in charge it’s your rules . Baby isn’t going to report back to mum and dad

I was also thinking what eazybee was, it makes more sense, that if they 'don't want him to see faces' then put him away from any faces! Ive had 7 kids, and ive got 9 grandkids.And ive never heard of this idea- it must be new.Cant see it will work though.??

Its a technique which allegedly avoids stimulating the baby when he is supposed to be sleeping. I used it during nightime feeds only, no eye contact, change, feed and back to sleep as they come to realise there is nothing to stay awake for, I might be wrong but I think it was a Gina Ford technique

Its all over the top nowadays. As already said i cannot imagine how we survived before. How did people cope with the very large families they had, they had no time for the plethora of "rules" there seems to be now. Will be very interested to see how these children turn out. My own dear mum would have just laughed at it all. But us grandparents often find ourselves in a very unfunny situation. Very unfair as lots of us bend over backwards to help something i never had.

What a strange technique to get a baby to sleep! I can't help wondering why he doesn't just fall asleep anyway once he's been fed and changed, mine always did at that age. Have they tried just putting him in his cot and getting on with their usual routine, and not tiptoeing around him. A comfortable, well fed baby will fall asleep when he's ready. Sometimes I think parents try too hard these days. The baby has to fit into their lives not the other way round.

Our children slept through any noise because we never made a special effort to be quiet around them. Our eldest liked to sleep on top of the vacuum cleaner when it was on!