Reprimanded (Gently) for Letting My 2-Week-Old Grandson See My Face When Parents Want Him to Go To Sleep

Dont you remember decades ago when you had kids? Looks like plenty of posters have forgotten

I remember it all like it was yesterday!!
They were all different but yes, I was very anxious with the first one.

In fact, it is the case that relatives of the new baby are over anxious to be involved and to have input on how the baby is raised.

they are most probably just knackered

Don't take it to heart, NewGranny, they are anxious new parents and forgotten that no-one has ever had a baby before in the history of the universe ?

They may regret trying this new technique of holding him, smiling at him and talking softly to get him to sleep! If babies are fed and comfortable, they will go to sleep but only if they're tired!
But don't give any advice. Just accept their new-fangled methods. The advice seems to change with each generation.

New parents are NOT over anxious (in general)

If you had a new family member
AND you are learning from scratch how to take care of baby (bonus points if you have other children in the home)
AND you were healing from birth
AND you are sleep deprived
AND your routine is upside down
AND you are trying to find your new normal
- that is not over anxious, it is called ADAPTING

Dont you remember decades ago when you had kids? Looks like plenty of posters have forgotten

Any motherly advice I gave to my two as new parents was called old fashioned or out of date. New parents are over anxious and that’s natural so don’t take it to heart if they snap at you. Enjoy your little grandson and his parents will appreciate your support.

NewGranny this and whatever rules were around before, (we probably did similar to our own parents), are all part of the ‘joys’ of being grandparents. Don’t take it to heart.

I remember when I held my first GS (not first GC) and spoke softly to him. Babies in the womb are used to hearing the sound of human voices, usually their parents' voices, so it didn't seem like a bad idea. I doubt if looking into his eyes and telling him that one day I'd be coming to his graduation did any harm. Now, 17 years on, he's turned into a wonderful, thoughtful and versatile young man and is applying to Oxford.

eazybee

It seems quite daft to me;: his dad was holding him but he wasn't allowed to look at faces.
Why not tuck him up in his bed and leave him to drift off to sleep?

It’s their choice

I must admit I haven’t heard this one!! I’ve been a grandparent for nine years, and believe me, there’s more of these oddities out there?.

However, he is their child...their rules. You just have to go along with it, no matter how daft it sounds, unless you feel it’s bordering on being detrimental.

Yes...it does sound like they could have prepared you better...but short of giving you a list, and possibly still missing something, most things are going to be spontaneous.

Enjoy your little grandchild, don’t be pushy in any way. Let them parent, just as we did, without interference.

Oh dear, I know you won’t like this but…

How many times have you been round in these first two weeks?
You mention not having seen him for a couple of days.

His Dad is holding him. He having time with his dad but you are the one getting the baby’s attention. Maybe his dad felt it was his time with his son?

I really don’t want to upset you further, but please consider it possible that you are overwhelming them. It might feel you are already taking possession?

They needn’t have said anything then and explained what they were trying another time. It is important for babies to soak in their surroundings, at two weeks they sleep anyway. They are being a bit OTT I think. I knew someone who was having sleep therapy for her baby as it didn’t sleep, the baby wasn’t the problem it was the neurotic mother. They should take a leaf out of ‘Our Yorkshire Farm’, now that is how children should be brought up.

This is a new one on me but I can see how it makes sense as I remember mine struggling to keep their little eyes open and focused on me.

Try not to take it personally, there will probably be lots of things they do differently and I am sure it will just wash over you in time.

NewGrany, please don't take this to heart. New parents , they are probably very tense and tired! I agree it would have been better if they had warned you of their ideas, regarding getting the baby to sleep. Although I am not sure I agree with their method. At two weeks , a good feed and proper winding, warmth and comfort it usually sufficient. You say you will be the baby's care giver , how much of your time will that involve? I have always done day care for my GC , only one day a week for each child. Both daughters trusted me implicitly, and there were no rules dished out to me. As the children grew into toddlers they understood that there were rules / boundaries at Grandma's that may differ from parental rules. It worked well and the children just accepted it. They are new parents and probably very idealistic ! Just go with the flow . Enjoy your new role but please don't fall into the trap of being too clingy , it's very easily done. Congratulations and good luck.

All this baby talk inevitably triggers a reminder of the delightful French film/documentary : Babies which follows 4 babies from birth to one year from around the world with all the customs entailed.
The babies themselves at one year are more alike than different, despite their diverse beginnings.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=vgslXEFr3cA

It seems quite daft to me;: his dad was holding him but he wasn't allowed to look at faces.
Why not tuck him up in his bed and leave him to drift off to sleep?

NewGrannyInTX, two weeks old - with (probably) exhausted, over anxious parents, and maybe an overenthusiastic granny, all a bit bonkers!

Baby will wake and sleep when he wants at that age anyway. It's a waste of effort, we know, but mum and dad will desperately try to take charge, to establish a 'routine'. (It's pretty terrifying when a tiny being rules the roost.)

He'll soon fall into his own pattern of waking and sleeping - and they'll claim full victory for it!

I expect it was the sharp sting of being reminded that they are in control (yeah, right) that shocked you.

We're just not used to being put in our place, us grannies. It's all very funny, remember that!

I am lucky as I see several of my grandchildren quite frequently - but my neighbour has a grandchild in NZ she has not yet seen (and she is uncertain if she will ever see him, as she is elderly and frail) - so treasure this time you have and don’t make problems where there are none.

I agree with lucca and bluebelle

Were you told not to look at baby and why or yelled at?
By gently, I am thinking the former.
I agree with parents. No need to stimulate a baby when trying to put him to sleep

Honestly, if you feel hurt for such a small thing, being the baby's caregiver may not be a good idea.
You will be informed plenty of times how not to do things by the parents.
Are you sure you are ready not to be resentful when getting feedback?

Parents need to lay down their own rules and anyone else caring for their babies/children must abide by them.
Anything that helps to get baby to sleep, particularly during those early months - can only be good. -(well, perhaps not some of the more old fashioned methods involving drugs or gas rings!!!)-.
When my eldest g.daughter was a baby (and I was her secondary carer), I had a method where I held her in my arms with a blanket around her, and gently rocked her as I walked about - she always tucked her little fingers round the locket I wore around my neck. She would fall asleep within 10 minutes with this method. When we were all out, and it was her sleep time, her Mum would often just hand her over to me to use this method. She liked it, baby liked it - and I loved it.
I still have a great relationship with this particular g.child - even now she is at University!!!

This is such a trifling thing. Move on!

Storm in a teacup . Seriously, forget about it and move on! “I hadn’t seen him in a couple of days”, wow, he’s 2 weeks old.
Try thinking how lucky you are to be close enough to see him so often!

Eye contact is engaging and will often make a drowsy baby fight to stay awake. The poor parents are probably exhausted and may have reacted a little snappishly.

You wonder how we ever brought a baby up don't you. I used to sing my grandson to sleep, he looked at me all the time and slid off to sleep nicely. I'm sorry it upset you NewGrannyinTX.

I’ve not heard of this technique but then my youngest gc is 6. I often think when I’m shopping how sad that babies and toddlers never see another face to interact with and read expressions with everyone masked including their parents. Little ones born since the start of the pandemic know nothing else.

It seems a shame if it’s now “a thing” to avoid letting them look at your face at chosen times at home as well.