AIBU?

Doesn’t bother me how death of a dear one is described. However what’s happened to “fat” rather than obese or overweight? Who are they trying to kid?

When one of my granddaughters was quite young a lady asked her what her Daddy did, oh he is dead she replied. The poor lady didn't know where to put herself. I felt quite sorry for her.

Shelflife

People use words that are appropriate for them . Whatever phrase is used the listener knows what is meant - so does it really matter!? I think the only exception may be when informing children of a death. Children will take the words literally, so passed over , gone for a very long sleep or gone to heaven is not direct enough. However for an adult to say " my son / daughter has died' may just be too harsh and impossible to say. Each to their own , people use the words that are easiest for them.
BlueBelle, I agree with you about " we are pregnant" it irritates me each time I hear it !

When my father died the grandchildren were very young. As a Catholic family we told them he was in Heaven with God. That is what we believe and is direct and honest as far as we are concerned

Words are emotive, though, aren't they and we all have different understandings.

To me 'he is dead ' is harsh and sounds like a sudden death; 'he has died.' suggests a natural progression to the end to a life.
'Passed away', 'passed',' passed over' all suggest (to me) ghostly beings passing by on their way to ........where(?) like the spirits in Scrooge, and 'gone before', seen on old gravestones when we went to tend family graves I found alarming as a child because it seemed to indicate we were expected to follow shortly.

It is all a matter of interpretation.

There isn't any "should" about it.
It cuts both ways.
If I find it ridiculous, and feel like people are choosing to see it like some bizarre game of bereavement top trumps, then other people are free not read what I write.

People will use whatever expressions they choose. I don't like
“ passed”, I prefer to say someone died. My mum used to say someone had “ gone” ( gone where? Gone to heaven) .
Salvation Army people say” promoted to glory”.
On my parents’ gravestone is written “Forever with the Lord”.

There is no point taking offence, but ambiguity should be avoided.

My own grandmother, firmly told anyone who called her 'Nanny' that she was not an old goat and refused to be called one. grandma she was to her grandchildren, and a much beloved one.

All of us have words that grate on our ears and use words that grate on other people's ears. Just because we love a particular term, should not stop others who hate it having a good grumble now and again. As I have said before . if this discussion upsets you, do not read it.

YABVU Wake, yes

It's up to the person whose been bereaved how they choose to express their loss, so yes Wake I do think you're being unreasonable.

MissAdventure

Just like people whose grandchildren call them nanny are sometimes mistakenly taken for goats, I presume?

Mmmmm........As a child I was very confused when I read the AA Milne 'prayer at end of the day'. This mentions 'nanny's dressing gown hanging on the door'. Always puzzled as to why this g.mothers dressing gown was on the door of his bedroom. Of course, my East End (London) upbringing i the 1940's did not include anyone who had a 'Nanny' looking after them. (Not Nanna - Nanny ).

As for what I say, with regard to topic. Yes, 'dead' - my youngest son died when he was 25 years of age, tragic, dreadfully sad - but he 'died'. Did not pass to anywhere. My parents are both dead, my two best friends are both dead.

However, think most of use the term 'lost' when describing a miscarriage.

People use words that are appropriate for them . Whatever phrase is used the listener knows what is meant - so does it really matter!? I think the only exception may be when informing children of a death. Children will take the words literally, so passed over , gone for a very long sleep or gone to heaven is not direct enough. However for an adult to say " my son / daughter has died' may just be too harsh and impossible to say. Each to their own , people use the words that are easiest for them.
BlueBelle, I agree with you about " we are pregnant" it irritates me each time I hear it !

This is a discussion, I do not think anyone is 'galloping triumphantly' over anyone.

You cannot suppress discussion just because you use language that other people find grating. That is a form of emotional blackmail. If the subject of the discussion is upsetting, and I fully understand that it may be for some, then the best thing to do is to not take part in it.

Say whatever you are comfortable with. If people want to say ‘ passed away’ or ‘passed on’ or ‘passed over’ it doesn’t worry me and perhaps it helps them. Often people say ‘ gone to be with the Lord’ and I don’t have a problem with Christians saying that at all. Usually I say ‘ died’ but I think ‘ lost’is ok because we do feel a loss and I think that is quite sensitive.

MissAdventure

Just like people whose grandchildren call them nanny are sometimes mistakenly taken for goats, I presume?

or the paid help, in a brown uniform.

i'm with you MissAdventure.
some people are on their high horse, not caring whom they may trample, while galloping triumphantly by.

I always say died or dead. The day my child died I informed people they were dead. No euphemisms. If someone asks how she is, I say they died. I don't have a problem if other people prefer something less direct, it's just what comes more naturally to me.

That's just as well, because I will say it how I want to.

My mother always said 'My daughter died in a road accident'. I never heard either of my parents use a euphemism for death.

When I went to a school reunion and people who knew both of us asked after my sister I aways replied that she died X number of years ago in a road accident.

MissAdventure I do not think anyone has suggested you should describe the loss of a child in the phrase you suggest.

I think people should say whatever they prefer. In my case I prefer died or lost, I wouldn’t use the other words. The only expression which I really don’t like is gained his/her angel wings but if someone wants to use that I would simply accept it. It’s their relative and they should be able to describe the death however they feel comfortable.

MissAdventure I completely agree and understand .

Like many posters, I’d go with what the bereaved want to use. When my Dad died, we said we’d list him because that was how it felt.

MissAdventure

I've read in here before that it makes people want to scream.
Try saying "my child is dead. End of", when someone doesn't know and asks how they are.
That will make you want to scream.

With you on that MissAdventure ?
I could say “He died” and I would never have opted for any euphemisms .
But I would not get worked up at what others say.
When Paw (DH) died I also found myself perfectly able to say calmly he had died but found myself trying to spare the other persons feelings when they got upset

MissAdventure

If people don't understand what is meant by losing someone, or them passing away, then I feel sorry for them.
Mu mum died, my girl passed away.
Allow the bereaved to deal with it in their own way.

Exactly. 'Died' 'passed away' 'no longer with us' 'Gone to God' people can choose how they wish to describe the death of a loved one.
Anyone irritated by this needs to find a bit of compassion.

Thank you.

Exactly MissA

Easy enough mistake.
Chatting away, passing time with what one presumes is a grandmother, only to find it's Paddy Macginty's goat.