Is this the norm now?

We actually asked our AC to set up an account for their children so that we could pay money in for them for bigger presents rather than getting stuff -toys, books, games - which will only collect dust. Together with money paid in by the other grandparents they can put it towards a new bike, or, when they are bigger, maybe a computer or a trip abroad.

Don't see anything wrong with it.

Wow people are really over thinking this. Key word is "if". people like to give..even if you tell them not to. All they have done is suggest the best way..i doubt they even considered for a moment it would be offensive

Surely, if they don't want a load of 'tat' the polite thing is to state on the invitation that no presents are required.

By giving details of a bank account you are hinting, none to subtly, that you want guests to hand over cash. It's extremely rude and vulgar in my opinion.

Yes, some people will decide for themselves to give money. That is their choice and totally different.

Also it does say "for those wanting to gift money" it isn't asking for a specific amount you could buy something if you prefer but you have said yourself you haven't seen them often so you won't know what the child has.

62Granny

Seems a brilliant idea to me saves the house getting over run with plastic rubbish and at least they are planning ahead for her. I don't see that this is any different to putting £10.00 in a card. They would know who has given what then to.

This exactly! Imagine the amount of tat they already have. Saving for the children is way better. Also it is just a suggestion!

Seems a brilliant idea to me saves the house getting over run with plastic rubbish and at least they are planning ahead for her. I don't see that this is any different to putting £10.00 in a card. They would know who has given what then to.

I consider it mercenary and rude.

It really does depend on individuals and, to a certain extent, cultures. In some cultures, and some families, giving money is regarded as sensible and helpful.

I was, in common with many young children in working class families, given money by family & friends at my birth and christening, put into an account with the local Building Society. It was added to at birthdays & Christmas. It was very clear to me that this was an act of kindness and love - it was talked of as being for my future.
When we bought our first home, I withdrew that money to form part of the deposit, and the Building Society took my savings history into account when granting us a mortgage.

I feel that every house we have ever owned has a little bit of those savings in it.

I find suggesting money mercenary if I chose to give money thats one thing but for it to be suggested I don’t like that at all
I don’t even like the idea of weddings asking for money My friend suggested people gave money so they could have a nice honeymoon, then they divorced a year later.

I have to send money to my older grandkids living overseas and although it’s the sensible thing to do I find it so impersonal and nothing of ‘me’ is in it It’s just a transaction

I think it is sensible to suggest people give money rather than gifts - most babies are overloaded with stuff already. By adding your name it lets them know you have given a gift to your niece and they can thank you for it. (Hopefully they are polite enough to do so).

Just give £5 or £10, whatever you feel comfortable with. Don't feel you have to do it for every birthday though. Maybe a 1st birthday is a little special. You can ignore the others, or even this one, if you wish.

I personally would be pleased to do as the parents suggest.
However, if it makes you uncomfortable, then don't.

All families have different expectations of the slightly more distant relatives.

In our non-Christian family, there are no 'christenings' so the 'greats' mostly have a 'gathering' for the 1st birthday at which gifts are given. I then don't normally give any more birthday gifts.

If you want to be polite, but not get 'sucked in', I would suggest writing / saying "It is lovely to get the invitation. Although we won't normally be buying gifts for Jemima, we are pleased to celebrate her first birthday by contributing to her savings"

Why are people so quick to try to take offence? Nothing in the invite says anyone HAS to give money, it states that for those would like to do so, a method has been put in place for them tomake this pleasant and easy.

If you wish to purchase a small gift - and take the chance that it something tney will want and use or keep, then do so.

Perhaps you have a very small family?
In ours it would cost a fortune to be giving regular birthday presents to the ‘greats’, in fact after 18 the not so great are knocked off.
If we are going to see them we would take a little gift - there are things available that don’t come under the heading of plastic tat.

I suppose the question I would ask is would you have sent the baby a monetary gift anyway? In which case I'd probably pay that amount into the account, though from their wording a present would be equally welcome.
I don't think not meeting up over the last year is unusual given the restrictions that we've all had. Do you live nearby?

We have great nieces and nephews. I've always sent a token present for birthdays and Christmas. If I don't receive a thank you from their parents, or the child when they're old enough, then after a few occasions I drop them off my list. So some still receive, some don't. And to be honest in recent times I just send for Christmas, not birthdays.

It does seem a bit mercenary. However I have felt for many years that I would rather give someone a gift card or money to make sure they get what they want and can then raise a glass to their crazy aunt ;-) As the children get older, you can do "experiences", depending on how much time/money/health you've got. A trip to the cinema, museum, or a zoo, or a walk on a beach with an ice cream or hot chocolate at the end are much appreciated by children whose parents have little time or inclination for the really simple things. For many years, I've dealt with Christmas by making or buying a little christmassy bag for nephews and nieces, and buying little things through the year from charity shops, or craft shops, or in the sales, which are age appropriate - I make a limit of £20 and sometimes the contents can be well over a hundred pounds if bought carefully. Sometimes I hide a fiver or a few pound coins amongst the bits and pieces. It depends how much cash I've got at the time! Whatever it is, enjoy the giving, however you do it.

I don't like being told what or how to give - so I'd probably just put a voucher in with the card. Wedding lists are quite bad enough so I'd ignore the (unwanted) advice.

Strewth , I’d have a fit if any of my family did that. I always give them things, not so much money but sometimes gift cards. There are a lot of them though, loads of grandchildren, great grandchildren and another coming, costs us a fair bit now. Still, can’t take it with you. Our daughters just get a token gift because they are all middle aged women now. Sometimes I think they take go forth and multiply too far though???

Maybe enough relatives asked and the parents decided to put it in the invite?

I give my niece and nephew money by bank transfer and write a message in their card telling them to check their bank balance. I always get a thank you phone call straight away.

At Christmas when we spend time together, I give them a small, token present as well. Last year I went off piste and gave them £50 cash hidden inside the wrapper of a chocolate £50 note! They were delighted and their parents very amused!

I’m not sure though how I would feel if I was not a close part of their lives, I see them most weeks and I was in a Covid bubble with the family. If I rarely heard from the parents, then I might not be inclined to be generous, although sometimes once a child arrives, people do start to want family contacts.

I do this for my family as well. Because I live in another country its easier. Of course my grandchildren are all grown up now.

Seemed to be the norm these days , usually for weddings. If it's a one off for the baby's 1st birthday , something they will save till she is older I can just about accept that. However if it happens on a regular basis it would be a definate NO from me.

I always do this with children, put money direct into their savings account with my name "Love Auntie VioletSky".

Seems completely normal to me to do this rather than give cash or overwhelm with gifts that aren't needed/wanted

I think that you have been invited in the hope that you will give money. This happened to me. My great niece turned 18 and I was invited to the party despite not even having even a Christmas card for at least 10 years from her mother. In fact the last time I heard from my niece was at my sister's funeral 6 years ago. The invite came via Facebook with a message stating that money would be appreciated. I declined the invite of course!

wow- that would be right off!

In those circumstances I wouldn’t send money. If you feel you want to send or take something something then how about a book token.