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Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone.

(34 Posts)
Maywalk Sat 23-Oct-21 20:55:45

At my age of 91 a belly laugh each day helps the meds go down.

TRUTHS

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch
the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
................................................
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre not the toy.
.....................................................

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
.................................................
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.
.............................................
SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . . having a drivers license.
At age 35 success is . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . having money.
At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license
At age 75 success is . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
...............................................
Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER
forget the blessings that come each day.

Have a wonderful day with many smiles

Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short. Dance naked ????? I've never tried that, I think if I tried it now all the dogs would bark in fright.

Whiff Sun 24-Oct-21 07:31:47

Maywalk that's so funny but so true.

Scones that sign would be ideal for my brother and sister in law they have a Jack Russell.

Thanks for the laughter ?

Katie59 Sun 24-Oct-21 07:59:05

If I ever make 91 I hope I am a lovely as Maywalk, only 29 yrs to go!.

V3ra Sun 24-Oct-21 09:07:49

There's so much truth in all of these, that's why they're so funny! Totally relatable ?

silverlining48 Sun 24-Oct-21 09:30:31

MayWalk you have put a big smile on my face. What a good way to start the day. Thank you ☺️

timetogo2016 Sun 24-Oct-21 10:27:49

That made me and dh LOL ,i shall be reading that whenever i feel low.
Thank you maywalk.

luluaugust Sun 24-Oct-21 13:31:32

Made DH and I laugh all so true!

SueDonim Sun 24-Oct-21 14:10:53

Maywalk I still bear the scars, nearly sixty years on, from learning the truth about your very first rule! ? ?

shysal Mon 25-Oct-21 09:32:10

Insurance claims from Jasper Carrot.
www.capbusinessclubs.co.uk/blog/the-funniest-insurance-claims-and-quotes-genuine-scenarios-incorporated-into-a-comic-act-by-jasper-carrott