Inappropriate touching by grandson

That's interesting, Outcast52.

We used to be able to choose an alternative name ourselves at one time, if we wanted to discuss something personal but it didn't seem to be the case now. However, it seems HQ helped you to do that.

Good luck

Thanks everyone. Some of you have inferred from my username that it somehow reflects on my situation or feelings. Let me reassure you that is not the case! I asked Gransnet for an alternative name to use for this subject in order to protect my identity as my normal name might just be a clue to someone. I scanned one of my bookshelves for inspiration and "Outcast" was simply the first title that caught my attention. Nothing more sinister than that, but thanks for noticing! What a lovely bunch you are

I hope you all find a positive way forward and progress can be made, Outcast

Marydoll your posts were constructive, using your knowledge and kindly expressed!

I agree, Marydoll's posts are sympathetic and helpful and she obviously has experience in dealing with such situations.

Thanks for your post at 9.25 this morning OP. I hope when you raise this in the general way you outline, that your daughter feels the love and concern. It’s so difficult as a gran to raise difficult issues with our adult children and avoid them feeling criticised. Your daughter will be anxious and hopefully reach out to you for support.
Best wishes as you go forward

Outcast 52, I am pleased to note the responses have now toned down a little. I am thinking about you and your family, you are in an impossibly painful situation. I can only imagine the distress . You love your daughter and your grandson and your emotions are naturally in overdrive. I recognize how difficult it must be to broach this with your daughter. You want to talk with her but also respect her right to privacy- it's a delicate balance. Are you able to access support for yourself? A counsellor peprhaps, this may give you opportunity to fully explore your feelings. It may also make you feel strong enough to speak with your daughter when the time is right. I implore you to seek support , it will as I am sure you know be strictly confidential. A counsellor will help you to unscramble your thoughts and the way forward may become a little clearer. You come over as a lovely Mum and Grandma. Hope I have not over stepped the mark by suggesting you seek support, you know what is best for you. I have GC and would be in absolute despair worrying about my daughter and her son . Take care of yourself so you will be in a position to support your daughter and your Grandson. I send you massive ' hugs' and kind thoughts.?

outcast Hope you find a way forward

I may have inadvertently upset some posters by my matter of fact posts, that was never my intention.

Marydoll uour posts were constructive, using your knowledge and kindly expressed! Some others were rather less so, sadly!

Thank you for coming back OP (I won’t use your username and I hope it doesn’t sum up how you feel). I hope all goes well.?

Thank you to everyone who has commented, advised, empathised and supported. Even the posts which initially upset me have been useful, if painful, in making me reflect on my own feelings and thoughts about how to process and progress this horrible situation. He is such a gentle, lovely boy that I cannot bear the thought of this drifting on to the point where he is scarred and labelled for life. Nor can I cope with the thought that there is a risk of one of his peers being damaged by his actions. I am going to talk to my daughter in very general terms to elicit what the school has done/is doing and whether there is any intention to seek counselling or support from CAMHS. Based on that information, I will decide whether to voice my concerns a little more forcibly.

I am very sorry if the thread has affected anyone negatively or stimulated unpleasant memories. However, I remain grateful for all the input and hopeful that I can use it to allay my fears and help by DGS.

Best of luck, Outcast52, to your family in finding a way forward in this troubling situation.

Outcast I would honestly hope that all the ideas on this thread are being addressed and grandson will have access to professional support as well as his parents.

Apart from that you must be a voice of support to them as a priority as they negotiate this difficult and upsetting problem and get to the bottom of why it is happening.

I agree Riverwalk

I'm sorry if anyone is upset by this thread but the title is quite clear - can't have been read by accident.

We can't keep having threads deleted because someone doesn't like it; and other posters can't second-guess what is being said behind the scenes, via PMs presumably.

Outcast I hope the situation is resolved soon - must be very worrying for you.

The op has been very brave to come on asking for our thoughts.
The last thing she needs is a contest over who has most experience and who feels most hurt at other posts.
Please don’t have it deleted as I’m sure she’s in need of support even if only to say we care.
outcast I hope it goes okay and the issues are resolved appropriately.

This thread is helping some people I am sure. It is wrong to keep getting threads deleted.

f the content upsets someone who has experienced this, surely they would be best to avoid it?

Outcast52

I hope I didn't upset you by mentioning the possibility of online abuse - sometimes parents may be unaware of the dangers and children may be too afraid to mention them.

Abuse can take many forms and online abusers do target children and it is good to be aware.

The NSPCC has a website.

I happened to know it is a fact. Lizzie, I didn't say those feelings were communicated on the thread, there are other ways of communicating on GN.

Iam64

agnurse your post suggests you’re alone in knowing that the kind of sexualised behaviour described could indicate sexual abuse. As Marydoll has said, every school in the uk has safeguarding policies and well trained staff. The policy will be shared with the spacialist police team, children’s services and across multi agency teams.
It’s clear this boys parents and school are co-operating. This grandmother will certainly have worried, wondered and searched for answers so it seems unlikely the possibility of some kind of abuse experience hasn’t been considered

She's not alone. I remember a colleague talking about a young boy aged about 2 1/2 to 3 who mimed an oral sex act. Apparently he'd been in the same room as his mother and a boyfriend. this was back in the early 80s so I can't remember all the details. It was reported to Social Services.

By the way, there is a shortage of social workers, particularly those specialising in children.

this thread has awakened dreadful memories and caused hurt for some readers. I have just re read all the posts and none indicate what you say. It is obviously a distressing situation and subject, but the clue was in the post title.

maybe we need to adopt the MN practice of trigger warnings in thread titles.

I did not say I wished for deletion because I was forthright, it was because I am aware that this thread has awakened dreadful memories and caused hurt for some readers.

Lizzie, Marydoll’s post was made with humility and the benefit of a wealth of experience. She was measured and authoritative in what she said and has nothing to apologise for. No-one but you has suggested point scoring and I think that was a most unpleasant and uncalled for remark to a well respected poster.

Marydoll

I may have inadvertently upset some posters by my matter of fact posts, that was never my intention.

What I am trying to say is that in my opinion, talking of grooming and child abuse only serves to upset the OP further and those who may have been abused themselves.
We never know the full background of posters.

I have had extensive training in safeguarding issues and dealt with a fair number of cases and am still involved on a voluntary basis.
However, due to confidentiality issues, we will never know the full story nor whether the victims have been supported too.

I actually hope this thread is deleted, it has caused so much upset.

Hoping the thread is deleted because you may have been too forthright is not very helpful for the OP, who posted on here for advice, support and help - not to point score.

Outcast52 I can’t advise you and wouldn’t dream of doing so. What I can do is hope your whole family receive appropriate help. I can’t imagine your worry, we have an 8 year old GS, take care of yourself too. X

It’s so hard isn’t it Outcast (I even feel harsh using your given name) when you’re involved but not totally involved not sure what to say when and how to say it but going over and over it in your mind I bet most of us grans have all been there with some situation that goes round and round but obviously this is a huge worry
I m glad the parents are onboard with the school with this, it’s so important they all work together
One question…. as you say this has been going on for some years and previously with his younger brother how long have you all been concerned and at 9 would he have had access to online stuff for ‘several years’ for that to be an answer? Or can online grooming be knocked completely on the head ? It seems so if it’s been going on for years
You say it happens now and then does anyone know what is the trigger, has he ever said ?
I hope you can get to the bottom of it and get some rest I m sure he’s not going to grow up to be anything bad so throw that one out of your head and try to think of some nicer things
I m sure he gives you loads of joy

outcast, if you don’t say that sexual abuse has crossed your mind posters don’t know that. I’m afraid your post came across to me as rather downplaying your grandson’s actions when you suggested ‘absent minded curiosity’. It’s unkind to say posters who are trying to help are being ‘critical’ and ‘snarley’

The problem is when posters state things without consideration of the OP reading them whilst worried/upset/hurting/confused/scared etc!1 It is perfectly possible to raise very difficult issues and possibilities in such a way that the OP can "hear" them, consider them and take advice from them. Also, before assuming that someone is underplaying in actuality from their way of writing about a difficult subject it seems best probe a little further; when something is difficult to write about it can often inadvertently come over in a misleading way. Even more so on forums rather than face to face.