Inappropriate touching by grandson

I’m sure there is nothing you have thought that your daughter hasn’t also.

I would not mention anything unless your daughter raises the subject.

I understand how that would worry you, and I expect the little boy will learn quite soon what body parts are polite to touch and what not to touch.

I agree with Sago.

I understand how upsetting this is for you , but if the parents and school are working together on this, I think you will add to your daughters anxiety if you mention it. It has to come from her.
The school will have procedures in place for managing this type of behaviour and access to expert help, if required.
However, if you witness an incident, you have no choice to report it.

I'm so sorry that you have this worry and feel so helpless.

Outcast
Unless there is an adult in the school who is trained in this subject ( which I very much doubt) I would be looking at experts outside the school.
There are lots out there.
Does the lad have a phone or tablet, if that’s a yes, do they check on what he’s looking at.

Don’t read anything into it. He’s probably at that curious age. And it will pass. Don’t talk to your daughter….. she’s probably dealing with the issue in conjunction with the teachers. I remember the 3 year old son of my friend used to rub his groin against the chair. He is 22 years old now and certainly not a rapist. Although I will say, and don’t want to worry you, but he was diagnosed with Autism.

If it continues after this school year , I would definitely encourage his parents to access some type counselling for him via their GP. They need to find out why it is happening before he goes to secondary school. It could be a number of factors contributing to it but it needs to identified .

You say your GS's parents work closely with the school when an incident occurs which I hope you find comforting Outcast.

Please try not to worry. It sounds as if the matter is being addressed. I think MerylStreep's suggestion is worth considering as long as the parents are happy with it but do think carefully about how you'll broach this, if you feel it's something that should be considered.

You don’t detail the interventions. If these have been from school and parents working together, I wonder if the next incident could result in a referral to a specialist. The NSPCC and some private psychotherapy services have therapists who specialise in assessing and working with the kind of behaviour your grandson is showing
I understand your worries but, Not all children with these behaviours go on to be abusive adults.

I agree with Sago.

One worrying possibility: sexually inappropriate behaviour in a child is a red flag that the child could have been sexually abused. I am not saying that OP or the parents did this; it's entirely possible that if it did happen the perpetrator was a teacher, coach, adult friend, or even an older child.

In the parents' position I'd strongly recommend their son go for counselling. It's best not to confront him about possible abuse because the abuser may have frightened him into silence, or because it could influence his testimony if the case goes to court.

I do not know the stats in the UK, but sadly in Canada, one in every 3-4 girls and 6-8 boys is sexually abused prior to adolescence.

agnurse, as we don't know the background to all this, but do know professionals are are already involved, I find your post most unhelpful and this type of speculation will cause even more anxiety for the OP.

Agnes wrote it first - has he been sexually abused?

I dont like how this is minimized as "curiosity".
This is how sexual abuse keeps justified and hidden in society

don't all schools have sessions on, my body my rules and for infants, the pants lessons.
if he hasn't got the point by age 9, and there are no learning difficulties, then it does need further attention.
there is no comparison with a 3 year old and a chair.
that is a pre-schooler and an inanimate object.
this is mid junior school and sexual harassment of others.
in uk the age of criminal responsibility is 10. so action is needed. some other parent may not take a lenient view next year.
hopefully the school will refer to specialist input.

Every school has safeguarding procedures in place and red flags are/should be recorded. I'm sure this possibility has already been discussed and investigated, if appropriate. It certainly was in my establishment. If it is not happening in this school, it should be addressed immediately.

We had a database, accessible to all staff and any concerns were recorded immediately and emailed straight to the management team. It helped build up a very clear picture of pupils and their siblings, allowing the senior mangement to address any concerns, no matter how trivial they seemed at the time. It is when you collate them, you get a clearer picture.

agnurse your post suggests you’re alone in knowing that the kind of sexualised behaviour described could indicate sexual abuse. As Marydoll has said, every school in the uk has safeguarding policies and well trained staff. The policy will be shared with the spacialist police team, children’s services and across multi agency teams.
It’s clear this boys parents and school are co-operating. This grandmother will certainly have worried, wondered and searched for answers so it seems unlikely the possibility of some kind of abuse experience hasn’t been considered

Iam64

No, she is not alone.

I raised the same issue too and it was the same thought that came to my mind when I read the original post

I do not think most of the posters get the severity of this issue.

I would find it worrying, the child is 9 and it’s been happening for some years. If I had a child in the same class who had been the object of his inappropriate touching I’d be furious.

The school may not have the depth of knowledge or experience to deal with this and he does need to be referred to an expert.
He is 9 not 3 and by 9 should know that this is inappropriate behaviour.

Does the lad have a phone or tablet, if that’s a yes, do they check on what he’s looking at.
Good suggestion, MerylStreep, unless there are very strict parental controls he could have been targeted online.

Blossoming, that was my point.
people imagining being the GM tend to minimise.
but imagine being the victim. and their parents.
and finding out it is not an isolated incident.

Actually, I do get the severity of this issue and furthermore have been involved in a fair number of similar situations, some beyond your wildest imagination. However, we do not have all the facts, in fact we have very few, that is why speculation does not help anyone.

In my experience, if there were any doubts at all, the child would have been removed immediately from the parents' care and the school itself, until the true facts were established.

Yes Welbeck I’d wonder what is being done to protect those children?

Don’t read anything into it. He’s probably at that curious age. And it will pass

I’m astounded that anyone could minimise this child’s behaviour in such a way. It may indeed pass for him, but he will leave a trail of children who will likely never forget they were abused at school, a place they should have been safe.

I hope the OP’s GS gets appropriate care and treatment as soon as possible.

Hithere

Agnes wrote it first - has he been sexually abused?

I dont like how this is minimized as "curiosity".
This is how sexual abuse keeps justified and hidden in society

I’m with you on the minimizing.

I hope that he gets the help he needs, and that the children he has touched are also able to access services if needed.

I think he needs help well before he reaches adolescence. I would, like others, wonder if he had been abused by someone. I would not play it down because he needs to know it is unacceptable and I would be taking him to a psychologist for help.