Friend who has just been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s

Yes, I agree Witzend. My MIL filled in POA forms but refused to register them.

It meant we couldn’t chose the best care for her when it became necessary. She had to go to a care home SS chose for her. We were helpless.

One very important thing is to get Powers of Attorney for both finances and Health and Welfare sorted out ASAP, while the person is still sufficiently compos mentis to understand what they’re doing.

Later on the lack of them can be a nightmare, and involve hefty costs with the Court of Protection, not to mention so much day to day hassle.

There’s no knowing how quickly Alzheimer’s may progress. My mother must have had it for around 15 years all told, but a friend’s neighbour had the ‘galloping’ type.

One of the first things I noticed in my MIL was difficulty in holding a conversation. Every sentence made sense on its own but they weren’t linked to each other and she would suddenly interject “stock” phrases like “So how are you?” or “Hiw is the weather?” at random and more than once.

I was 400 miles away and couldn’t stop her driving “just to the shops” but she was finally diagnosed when she became confused at a junction and pulled out in front of a motorbike. She genuinely didn’t understand what had happened.

It’s very difficult because with the diagnosis all sorts of decisions have to be made for the future at a time when decision making may be badly impaired.

My mother gave up her car voluntarily not long before the first signs of Alzheimer’s - she had become very nervous.

But would she take taxis with all the money saved by not running a car? Despite our urging and pointing this out, she would not. In her eyes they were still a great extravagance, reserved only for emergencies.
So she became more and more housebound, and reluctant to go out at all. She had never been a very sociable type anyway, so it just got ten times worse.

Kitty
Your not getting boring ? it has to be said over and over every time it comes up.

I knew that there was something wrong with my Brother in law when I saw him shuffling.
Every Alzheimer’s case is different. The lady I garden for is the sweetest thing you could wish to meet. She smiles and laughs and sings ll the time.
The neighbour I support says really really nasty lies about her family.

My mother was told by the GP that she had Alzheimer’s, but TBH had forgotten by the time she got home maybe 15 minutes later.

The first sign in her case, was noticed by my sister when they were on holiday. She’d always been an avid reader, but sister noticed that she was starting the same book from the beginning, more than once.

At the time, having already been through it all with FiL, I didn’t want to accept it. My ‘penny’ only dropped with a vengeance some time later. My DM had always been very clued up about finances, and one day phoned her bank (First Direct) about something - and had forgotten, literally the instant she put the phone down, what they had said. ?

My mother, who loved driving, was in the very early stages of dementia when she became unsafe. We had barely noticed the signs, but she became confused by even simple signs on familiar roads.
I do think that poor public transport is quite an issue in helping people give up driving.
I would say (as much as it is in your remit) that your friend may be better to move soon, whilst still able to adapt somewhat. Of course a lot depends on the support she has at her own home.
There are other threads on here, pointing out that giving up a car frees up a lot of money for taxis etc. Or some folk keep a car for others to drive for them.
I wish you luck, this is so hard

I am going to get boring but please access all the services available. In the UK The Alzheimers society and Age UK.

Also, you can appeal a driving ban.

Think she'll not forget the manoeuvre of driving but she will get confused if there's road works for example or heavy traffic. So much safer not to drive. Its so sad for her and her family its a horrible horrible illness.
Shes very lucky to have such a caring friend like yourself nanna8

For some time I had noticed a few unusual memory lapses and odd things she had said that didn’t quite make sense so ,in a way, I wasn’t surprised. She had been having brain scans etc but didn’t understand what they were for. It is a shame she can’t be allowed just to drive down to the shops but, I do agree, if she is driving dangerously she could hurt someone. I haven’t actually noticed that her driving has deteriorated though her daughter did tell me never to let her drive me, so I don’t. I said to her it was good they have caught it early because perhaps they can delay things a bit. I am not so sure how early it is though.

So sorry for your friend, and for you too. Please don’t be too upset at bluntness from doctor. I’m of the view that any pussyfooting around can lead to ambiguity. It needs bluntness so there’s no mistake and that goes for a lot of diagnoses that have to be given.
I’ve been on the harsh end initially thinking ok so where’s all the caring compassionate stuff…but actually it made me realise quickly we have to suck this stuff up and get practical while we can.

My husband had Alzhimers. His diagnose was a shock to him but not to myself as I'd noticed lots of small changes in his behavior and thought processes. He just couldn't retain new information, one of the indicators of memory lost, and he was confused driving on roads he been driving on for forty years getting lost and blaming all sorts of things.....

The spoken word will confuse your friend as her capacity to sort out facts, information ect will be jumbled up. If possible someone else with you at these appointments is advised.

As said up thread early diagnose is best as medication will help your friend and I hope she has good support from family and friends.

I'd suggest having a look at Alzhimers support forum lots of good information on there.

Would it be possible for some of us to share what are the early signs, so it doesn’t come a such a shock when it is diagnosed?

Nanna8
I don’t wish to be harsh but what a person suffering with Alzheimer’s tells you and what the truth is can be a world apart.
I support a neighbour who is in the early stages ( but refuses to recognise it)
But what I do know is: the earlier you go onto the medication the easier it can be for all involved.

How sad. I hope they can slow it down with medication. Ideally they should have softened the blow by telling her what help is available.

I agree MissA* but not sure what the lady's perception of being blunt is. Its not a diagnosis anyone wants to hear and driving impacts on the safety of others.
It's a difficult call to make.

You would hope that doctors would read the situation and tailor it to the individual, wouldn't you, regardless of needing to tell someone.