True Picky Eaters

JenniferEccles
The foster child who was diagnosed with ARFID was weaned in exactly the same way as the 10s of foster children of the same age that we cared for. Mainly home made finger foods, very low sugar, good range of tastes and textures.
It made no difference.
ARFID is not like anorexia (generally related to body image) or bulimia (generally based on the need to be in control)
ARFID is very often connected to sensory issues, but not even as straightforward as that

Newnan1, it sounds as though your child has the eating disorder ARFID.

This was only accepted as an eating disorder a few years ago, but is now very much recognised.

I had a Foster Child who suffered from it and I agree with everything you say.

ARFID has been described, by an adult sufferer, as being asked to eat dog poop when expected to eat something which is not one of their safe foods .

It is distressing for the individual and their family, and there is as yet little treatment---except in extreem cases tube or peg/button feeding

JenniferEccles

Isn’t the answer to introduce babies to a very wide a range of different food, textures and tastes at the very start of the weaning process, concentrating perhaps more on savoury rather than sweet foods?

Of course children will have likes and dislikes as we all do as adults but I do wonder whether some of these faddy eaters were given a rather limited range of foods as babies.

This made me so cross. It was said to me so often about my middle child who would only eat plain rice, plain boiled potatoes, white bread and cheese. No fruit and no veg, I tried every trick in the book to get him to try other foods from 6 months on and failed miserably. I could have lived with his choice as long as he remained well and energetic but my ex became furious and used it as a stick to beat me. When I wouldn’t keep serving up the same meal for my son to refuse, his father said I was to do just that for 24, 48 or how ever many hours it took to bring him to his senses. I dreaded every meal when my husband was home and there were multiple rows.

He’s a good eater now. His wife got him to eat just about everything and when I share a meal with them I often think back to those times and all that pointless angst and bullying.

I have the same problem with my youngest child who is now 17. He would starve rather than eat what was put in front of him.
I often cook a separate meal for him, my mother thinks this is the wrong thing to do, but he has to eat something.
Now he’s older he enjoys cooking I just make sure I have the ingredients he likes and leave him to cook for himself.

*not being force fed. ? Autocorrect thwarts me again.

(Also I completely agree regarding children being force fed food that have sensory issues, connected to Autism. A completely different kettle of fish to just a fussy eater)

My dil is the most unfussy person I have ever met. Apparently in her youth she was less so and her mother allowed her 3 reheats and after that no more, and she would have to sit there all night until she cleaned her plate. After a battle of wills, her mother won. Dil and ds1 saying they will be raising my gc in the same way.
My younger son, I completely gave into, he lived off chicken nuggets and carrots and he still eats those sort of ‘plain’ food groups.
My other son isn’t fussy at all and when they all lived at home with us in their 20’s, would sometimes cook meals for us, but only if his brother wasn’t in, as he couldn’t be bothered cooking a separate meal for him as well as meal for the rest of the family. I think ds2 struggles because of his fussiness, girlfriends are always exasperated with him, he is stuck in his ways in other habits too. He was always a ‘play it safe’ kind of a kid, and I think I spoiled him too much looking back, but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing ??‍♀️

Jennifer Eccles I could almost hear the sniff of self satisfaction after reading your post. Childhood aversions to various foods are not the fault of a lazy parent who doesn't offer enough choice to their weaning baby.

My dd went through a phase of eating plain cooked pasta, no sauce, butter, cheese, just pasta. Family meals out were a nightmare; I could explain when ordering that she would just like plain pasta, which they could usually provide, but the chef could never resist garnishing it, with a sprinkle of Parmesan or chopped parsley, and she wouldn’t touch it. And we were always charged ridiculous prices for a plate of plain pasta.
Dd are her partner are now excellent cooks. However she never has eaten either mushrooms or onions (and went through a phase of not liking tomatoes if cooked). Could never work out how come DH and I could ever have a dd who wouldn’t eat mushrooms or onions! She says it is a texture thing. Also not keen on aubergines (which I didn’t offer her when she was a child)

JenniferEccles

Isn’t the answer to introduce babies to a very wide a range of different food, textures and tastes at the very start of the weaning process, concentrating perhaps more on savoury rather than sweet foods?

Of course children will have likes and dislikes as we all do as adults but I do wonder whether some of these faddy eaters were given a rather limited range of foods as babies.

This is the kind of thing that is not very helpful to people reaching out for help.

This is the attitude parents get that is not helpful, and squarely blames the parents.

Just a thought on food allergy my youngest DC suddenly stopped eating bread and doughnuts anything with flour or yeast at 16 months. Started eating it again at 2 yrs so I thought it was a fad.
At 21 they became allergic to bread and yeast dough. Caused severe stomach problems with severe pain for 4/5 days after 1 piece of bread. So perhaps what happened when they were younger was the body telling them it was allergic.

Mt eldest was a picky eater when young. When we started fostering and his 2 natural siblings came along his appetite greatly improved. Often, sadly, foster children were very hungry and would eat anything left on plates.
This increased his appetite.
Also I found serving very small portions on a very large plate makes children hungrier. But they could always have more.

Yes i agree- some will rather go without than eat their 'preferances' my two youngest have food issues- older one not quite as bad but youngest (now 18) definitely! Its still a huge struggle even now.And NO JenniferEccles- thats not true either- i weaned my 2 youngest on mashed cooked fresh veg & fruit, adding meats & eggs&fish as they got older, just like their older siblings.?

My DD told me that she was worried because DGS, who's just started school, has the same thing (jacket potato with cheese) for his lunch every day, despite there being a range of foods (which he eats at home) to choose from...
I'm afraid that I started to laugh - this is the girl who took cheese sandwiches to school for her lunch every single day for FOUR YEARS (and who would eat no vegetables other than peas for longer than that ?).
She's now a healthy mother of two with a responsible job, having decided as she grew up that other vegetables - & sandwich fillings - existed...!
She joined in the laughter - and has eased up on the worry (until the next phase comes along...).

seadragon My mother always called honey "bee spit" didn't stop her eating it though.

I would never force a child to eat what they didn’t want or try to make them eat more. I always think how I would feel in that situation. A friend was proudly telling me how she didn’t allow her children to eat anything if they refused the main course. I thought how cruel, how many times I’ve felt that way, and have been quite happy with just a piece of apple tart! I’ve an issue with this as a controlling mother was responsible for me becoming anorexic as a teenager.

Our son would only eat brown bread and honey during his mid toddler hood. A doctor in law assured me he couldn't have chosen a healthier diet. Came the day when DS came home muttering about honey being 'bee spit' and went off it for a while.... He still views it with some suspicion but now has had a varied diet for the past 40 years

I was delighted when it was time to wean my first son. A lovely scrambled egg, he ate it and promptly threw it up again. I tried again a few weeks later, same result. There were many foods he wouldn’t eat until I hit on the idea of putting everything into a yogurt pot, hey presto! everything (except egg) was eaten. He is now 37 and still won’t eat egg. He still smells all his food before trying it. His daughter who is 4 will eat anything.
My second son ate everything and loves eggs.

"Picky" - don't like the word. Surely, we just eat what we like or what we can? Some children and adults have sensory issues. I was thought of as "picky" as I wouldn't eat meat. Nowadays, that's vegetarian and not thought of as "picky" at all.

Grandetante, off topic but your comment about the ignoring the child saying the rude word made me smile. When my younger son was nine, my brother took him to the Tower of London. For about three days afterwards, every other sentence contained the word “bloody” as in “when we were in the Bloody Tower” or “Bloody Mary…” all said with a glint in his eye. I tried to ignore it as best l could but my stamina snapped long before his and I said “that is the very last time I want to hear about the Bloody Tower or Bloody Mary. If you mention it one more time there will be big trouble.” He realised his luck had run out by then and there was no more mention of it.

Razzy

It is interesting that a common theme is dairy avoidance. We are not designed to eat dairy and alot of people get sick from eating it. I wonder if, left to their own devices, people would eat what suits their own genetic make up. Part of the problem in some cases is that sugar and fat are very addictive, so kids can get used to those flavours to the exclusion of others.

I could not agree with this more. Although I could drink the small bottle of milk we had in the infants, my stomach would turn at the thought of a glass of milk now. I have never liked hot milk and custard, rice pudding, semolina etc make me sick. Cold custard and blancmange are even worse. I remember a teacher at primary school forcing me to try custard and I am sure we all have memories of exasperated fathers telling us that there were starving children in Africa who would be grateful for the rice pudding we were turning our noses up at. My rebellious thought was that they should send it there. I can understand well-meaning parents and teachers trying to encourage a wide variety of food but there are reasons why we can’t eat something. I have goat’s milk rather than cow’s milk at home as l find it suits me better. I have always been an allergic person so food intolerances are part and parcel of it. I have always been very intolerant of nuts, too, particularly coconut and peanuts, where the smell makes me nauseous. By extension I find the texture of berries also has the same effect, apart from strawberries. One of my sons has the same problem with citrus fruits. I think food intolerances are probably far more common than we realise and often mistaken for fussiness. We need to listen to our bodies. Jennifer Eccles, I am afraid l found your post very judgmental and unhelpful. My parents and myself with my own children have always offered a wide variety of food and, apart from our intolerances, we eat virtually anything and will try most things.

Witzend

Who else had school dinners with no choice? Virtually everybody had them. We often moaned, but we ate them, because there was nothing else.
At my first school we were allowed one fad, otherwise you had to eat it.
My ‘fad’ was meat fat, which I still can’t eat - except for very crisped up bacon fat.

When I was about 4 my father tried to trick me into eating it, by hiding some in mashed potato. But I still gagged when it got to the back of my throat, so they stopped trying to get me to eat it.

Cutting the fat off was so automatic, I once found myself cutting it off a slice of ham for a dd of maybe 3.
She said, ‘Can you leave the white edges, Mummy? I like the white edges.’
I never did that again!

I had and have the same aversion to meat fat. When I was about ten I refused to eat the fatty meat in my school lunch. They said I had to, and I spent the afternoon sitting in front of the uneaten plateful. I still refused to eat it, and they had to give in eventually. I won!

My pet peeve is people that go on about children being picky eaters and say they have to eat what they are given etc. I bet they have things they don't like (I know I do) so why shouldn't a child?

Luckily I was never forced to eat things I didn't like (at home anyway). My ds has had real sensory issues round food due to SN but while there are still things he won't eat at all he has a fairly well balanced diet and in some ways is way more adventurous than I am! He won't eat a fish finger or piece of breaded fish but will happily tuck into a plate of seafood! He won't eat baked beans but give him a plate of refried beans...

Has ‘Food Aversion’ been investigated ?

My poor mum put up with me only eating ham, cheese and an apple for months on end as a child and I'm fine with all sorts of food now. It's just not kids who are fussy eaters, a friend of mine is 70 and he's the fussiest person I've ever come across with food. He doesn't really like red meat, won't eat chicken and doesn't eat any vegetables at all. I don't know how his wife copes at meal times as I dread him coming to mine for dinner.