Frightened of saying wrong thing

I suffer from rethinking what I have said after a conversation with someone. As soon as I realise that I am doing it I tell myself I am being re-dic-u-lous (said like that) and make myself move on to think about something else. I also say the same thing to myself when I start catastrophizing.
I hope you can find a way to be easier on yourself - and send you my best wishes x

The problem is, it is not what you say, but what the other person 'hears'.

It has been interesting watching responses to a thread I started recently. Having started the thread with something quite simple, the views that were attributed to me over the life of the thread, had absolutely no basis in anything I actually posted and continued despite my continued attempts to clarify my views.

I have friends where, everything I say to them is hedged around with clarifications, because the filters over their ears are so dominant, everything you say to them is completely reformulated between their ears and their brain - and I am not the only one to have this problem with them.

This sounds like underlying general anxiety. My daughter is very anxious and often agonises about upsetting people or saying the wrong thing. The mind can and does play very unkind tricks on us. It's exhausting feeling like this. I sometimes struggle socially because I don't feel likeable - was the unpopular one at school and always on the outside. Mindfulness, learning to be in the moment, can help, and mindfulness meditation is very grounding if practised regularly so you catasprophise less and start to accept things more as they are and not as you fear they might be. Hugs. X
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I have said the wrong thing on here but apologised straight away. I would never hurt someone’s feelings deliberately. In real life people who know me take me for who I am straight talking and direct. I choose my words carefully with loved ones who call me opinionated but so are they! It just sounds like a little lack of confidence too me don’t stress about it life is too short.

I sometimes say the wrong thing because I wrongly imagine people prefer real talk to small talk.

both in life and here on GN the written word is the worst. Humour doesnt always translate. Well, to be honest sometimes mine doesnt in RL either!
My experience (fwiw) of this type of social anxiety has become worse since certain things knocked my confidence. Plus I dont actually speak to anyone bar my H most days.
I wonder if you've always ft this way or if like me circumstances have brought it on?
I do hope you find a way of reeling in this emotional reaction op.

If the person you were speaking to turned huffy or was markedly cool the next time you spoke, then you probably did say the wrong thing.

If not, you are worrying unnecessarily, so try telling yourself not to be silly about this - if people are hurt or offended by what we say, they usually let us know.

Both in daily life and here on Gransnet!

Hello Pinky, sounds to me like social anxiety, I was a slave to it.
Please google social anxiety, you will see that it’s very common and that there are ways of making it easier to live with.

Thankyou all so much for your sound and helpful advice.

Pinkypurple

Why do I have a conversation with someone and then go away and dissect what I’ve said wondering if I’ve said the wrong thing. It really is making me so miserable .I don’t intentionally say anything to upset anyone. Please can anyone help,

Oh I'm so pleased you do this, as I do it, too. I thought it was just one of those weird things about me!!
It drives you mad, but try to think of something else, positive things that have happened, so that you can think happy thoughts instead of dwelling on what can't be changed!

My late Mother used to tell me "don't imagine slights where none are intended", and that's good advice, OP.

You are definitely not alone PinkyPurple.

You sound like a very caring, empathetic and sensitive person to me so I am sure you don't have to worry about upsetting anyone ever. I bet your friends all think you are the most kind and gentle person because you are so thoughtful.

I've often said the wrong thing in real life. Luckily I stopped myself the other day. I had started to recommend a tv drama but remembered just in time it involved a suicide very similar to my friends son. I changed and talked about a different drama.
Another time friends were discussing a neighbours foster baby and the subject of adoption when one of the ladies asked us to talk about something else as she was upset.We realised why but the damage was done.
Another time the discussion was about a court case and someone said he didn't have a leg to stand on. The cyclist had lost a leg in the accident.
Sometimes these things just pop into your mind.

try not to worry
I work with men and they forget everything, so I can't imagine busy women are any different

My friend 'ruminates' over conversations and seems to seek out things to be upset about. She's very inward-looking and self absorbed.

It causes her stress, because she adds real significance to things I say, takes offence, or attaches meanings that were unintended - when I was just chatting away.

Why should saying the 'wrong thing' worry you so much? We all do it.

Even if we do not, we have no control over what interpretation other people will put on our words. I long ago realised that my place was in the wrong, so I decided to make myself comfortable there, decent sofa, warm fire and a good book.

Life's too short to stress yourself out and probably for no reason Pinkypurple. Try not to worry so much.

Try not to overthink everything. You sound as if you’re feeling low at the moment. Concentrate on doing things you enjoy and keep everything else in perspective ???

I would advise to first make sure your listening to everything the person is saying. We all know someone where we’ve thought ^ you haven’t listened to i word I’m saying^ ( I’m not saying that’s you ?
Also, what MOnica said: just take a few more seconds to think about what your saying.

I’ve made a career out of saying the wrong thing! Like you Calendargirl....I often think I’ve done it on here as well.

I’m sure it’s all in your mind Pinkypurple. Try not to worry, and just enjoy the times spent with others.

You re not alone

Often think I have said the wrong thing here on Gransnet….

It's unlikely that you have said something upsetting but even if you have you know it wasn't meant and the other person is likely to know that too.

Tell yourself to think of something else, try singing to yourself, or reciting poetry until you have had time to think about other things (must get some milk on the way home or when is the next bus).

I guess it is human nature and an, often female, desire to please and be liked. Has somebody indicated to you that you have upset them? If not try not to upset yourself unnecessarily.