Shared affections

I could not stand by and do nothing. Your daughter may be tired, but she has your help she is lucky. Some single Mums cope alone.
It is also disgusting behaviour from your son in law as well. I was not a perfect Mother, but I think what they are doing is mentally cruel as well. My ex husband would never collude or engage in that behaviour.

I would have to say something too.

We made more fuss of our eldest son when baby arrived, even to the point of leaving the baby to cry while we finished a story or whatever we were doing. (Not for too long!)

Is the the point where a happy caring son gets turned into a angry abusing man.

I know your daughter is probably exhausted and stressed, but she is still that little boy's mother and has a duty of care to him. Breaking his toys is harsh and cruel and something he won't forget. I know you find your son in law ruxe6and difficult, but I think you need to speak to your daughter before she and her husband do long term damage to their son.
Their behaviour is very wrong.

I would have to say something too. It's cruel and is only going to make matters worse.

This little boy needs reassurance and lots of love. Involving him is what's needed perhaps being asked to pass things to mum when she's changing the the baby's nappy, sitting with mum during feeding time.

When our youngest was born, we asked everyone who was bringing him a gift to bring a little something for our DS too. It's so important that the older siblings feel included from the outset.

MissAdventure

I would have to say something.
I couldn't stand by and watch a small child being treated like that.

I agree. I would have to do something.

I am currently visiting them. I was planning a holiday and my daughter asked my to come earlier as she needed help

Oh that's dreadful - why on God's earth do they think it is a good idea to BREAK the toy? That is wrong on so many levels, It's spiteful. Your poor grandson. I could not stand by and watch that without comment. I would suggest they change tactics and shower the eldest with love, to reassure him, and point out that destroying his toys is totally unacceptable. I'm blazing just thinking about it ?

I’m with Miss Adventure, this is cruel. And when/if this little boy begins breaking his own possessions they will wonder why, but worst of all might punish again!
Your daughter has 2 children not just the new arrival, I understand she will be tired, but time for her firstborn is a priority also.

It's common, but it needs to be dealt with appropriately.

OP

May I ask how you are aware of this information?
I thought you were in SA and your daughter in Ireland.

You may have witnessed just a little scene that fits a bigger picture.

Jealousy is sadly common between siblings

Oh how awful , don’t think I could bear this if was my grandchild. My heart goes out to you . I think your daughter is so very wrong and I know I’d have to say something, please or offended, because I couldn’t stand by and watch this happen .

I would have to say something.
I couldn't stand by and watch a small child being treated like that.

One of the TV nannies covered this. A little boy who hit his baby sister, took her toys away etc. and was really horrible. The parents were told to make extra fuss of the boy, give him their time and generally make him feel special. Obviously that stops him feeling the baby has taken his parents away, and that they still care for him. It's the only way, and if they don't start now it will just get worse. The more he is punished or chastised the more he will resent the baby. I'm afraid I can't remember which TV nanny it was, Supernanny Jo Frost or the Three Day Nanny or there was even another one I think.

For some reason, the older child is sidelined when a new baby arrives. This is happening in my family. Just like [Maine], my heart aches for my older grandson. He is constantly being sent to his bedroom. I notice that he breaks into a sob for the slightest reason. He is only 6. But there’s nothing we can do …

Indeed- and yet what can granny do that won't make things even worse. What a very difficult situation.

I agree it is cruel and cannot understand their rationale - breaking your grandson's toys will result in him resenting his new brother/sister even more.