Kids behaviour with sister.

if your husband works from home then why can't he put the children to bed ?

I can't say any of this seems particularly outrageous as such, kids pushing boundaries. How do they respond with the Nanny I wonder?

It does seem likely from what you have told us previously and in this thread, that the children are feeling insecure.

Behaviours such as-
1. Kids not listening to her
- when? about what?
2. Scowling at her
- why?
3. Speaking to her in an exasperated and rude way
- over what?
4. Gossiping about her (whispering in front of her)
- rude! How does she react?
5. Being ungrateful for toys she brings round for them to borrow. Example, went out of her way to get a book for the eldest but the next day the youngest said to her 'She doesnt want the book.'and handed it back to her
-How did she react?

Without more information it is difficult to know what to suggest but to be honest it does seem like the number of carers need to be reduced and the children need to build some security!

And if your sister is this upset then childcare really isn't her thing is it!

I can only echo the words of others. The children seem to lack the stability which consistent parental attention provides. I’m afraid it remains the case that women can’t have it all - a demanding career which isn’t 9-5 and children - without someone suffering. Frequently it’s the woman herself but in this case it’s the children, who assuming some traumatic event or situation lead to your having custody of them, are desperately in need of consistent care from the people who are effectively now their parents.

I’m trying to figure out how children whispering is causing a grown woman to cry.

Is she not mentally stable?

Anyone who is "lovely" and "brilliant with kids" would understand that this isn't unusual behaviour for children of this age and would recognise that it is likely to reflect something that they are unhappy about but feel they have no control over. OP, the previous poster who suggested that parenting classes would be a good idea was spot on.

They sound very unsettled to me. I would expect them to play up more to be honest. As someone else said, you’ve got custody of these children, so parent them yourselves, rather than have others come in.

What happened with their parents? It all sounds very sad to me.

I too am wondering how genuine this post is. If it is, then the answer is obvious.

The children need more stability, you have been awarded full custody of them so need to balance your work hours to provide more consistent care for them. Either you or your husband need to work less in order to be with the children after school and at weekends. I’m not even sure if having a nanny is appropriate although if you have had the children living with you since small babies then they might be used to her and their weekday routines.

It is not fair on the children to have pre school care, after school care and a different person in the evenings to put them to bed. Your shift patterns are not conducive to family life and your husband, who you have previously said works from home, is not playing his part in raising children. One of you is going to have to step up to care for these children in the evenings.

StarsAreAligned I have just re read your post, I don’t know why but somehow I just don’t believe you, I was dubious about your previous Nanny post too.

If you are genuine and you say you have witnessed this behaviour then why did you not act on it at the time?

Your Nanny does pre and post school care, what does she do all day when the children are at school?

Why do you have so many carers?

How do you spend a lot of quality time with them, you say you work full time, your husband is busy, you have a Nanny and your sister to help..

And another Wineoclock post.

If I was your sister, I would simply not bother coming round and suggest you alter your work shifts. As you have sole custody of them they are your responsibility. You have a Nanny and you work shifts, when exactly are you there for them?

Their behaviour is completely normal, to be upset about children whispering is not.

Your sister sounds unsuitable to be looking after your Grandchildren.

But I’m with Bluebell time to have a good look at what is going on here.

I m slow on the uptake so now I realise from reading others posts that you are the same lady who was having problems with the nanny after your husband had inadvertently insulted her integrity
With the greatest of respect may I suggest you are failing these children with yours and your husbands long or difficult work hours
You have never said why you have custody of these two children but obviously something pretty bad has gone on in their lives They are 7 and 9 which are difficult ages at the best of time. So you now not only have to have a nanny for them but you have to have a relative pick up the slack and it isn’t working is it ?
When do you and your husband ever look after them ?
So I m seeing this as
A ….7 and 9 difficult ages when kids are feeling their feet
B ….some major trauma has happened in their lives
C ….a second huge upheaval in their lives changing homes
D…. You and your husband are working long or difficult hours so the children are having a Nanny and now a relative drawn into the situation

Can you not see that these children need stability and to know where they are and who with not all this chopping and changing perhaps you need to cut your work hours down so YOU can be with them instead of nannies and relatives
My questions are (without giving too many details) what trauma have they been through ? ( parents split up, or died or been abusive) How long have they been with you ? ( if it’s fairly new they ll need settling in times) how much looking after are YOU doing or are you handing most of it over to others and juggling too many balls for both your own health and well being and definitely theirs

Oh dear, StarsAreAligned, they are being quite rude to your sister aren't they. Bullying her almost.

As long as they're not doing anything dangerous I'd suggest she takes a detached approach and see how that goes.
For example if she's trying to persuade them to get ready for bed and they refuse, tell her to just leave it. They can face the consequences when you or your husband get home and find them still up.

You need to pick your battles with children. Maybe this is them trying to have some control over one area of their lives? It sounds like they've had a lot of upheaval to contend with.
How long have they been with you for?

OP

These kids deserve a stable environment

Given your background info, have you and your dh considered taking parenting courses?

This thread contains questions that are super basic and indicates you are not aware of what normal milestones and behaviour is for kids their age

Where are their parents?
The trauma from being removed from them could contribute to some behavioural issues.

However I have to be honest nothing you have posted is that bad. Normal adolescent fights against the adults.

with two resident adults, it seems strange that you cannot arrange your schedules to take care of two children that you presumably had to go to court to gain residency of.
why not prioritise the children's needs for consistent care, esp if you chose to take them on.
or is this a load of old moody i wonder.

are you the poster who kept trying to guilt trip the nanny into doing extra house-minding duties ?
and then wondered why she was a bit off.

StarsAreAligned You posted some weeks ago about an issue you had with your grandchildren’s nanny it all sounded rather messy.

Has it occurred to you that the children have a nanny, grandfather, grandmother and aunt as carers and no Mother?

There is presumably a story and I guess a sad one regarding their mother.

Poor children.

Her? Sorry

That behaviour is not that outrageous.

When do kids listen to the parents? That is one if the main obstacles reported

Did the eldest want the book or it was your sister's initiative?
Kids have the right to change their minds, anyway

The toys are borrowed - what does it mean?
Are toys there for the day only, for weeks, while your sister is there and she takes them back with herm

He is working. They are 7 and 9.
No, not too soft. She does set boundaries and follows through on it. I just don't understand.

Cant your husband take care of the kids?

How old are the kids?

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Yes, how old?

Is she too soft with them?

How many children and what ages, gender etc ? this is very unfair on your sister and maybe you need to find an after school club or a separate nanny for those few hours and give her a break Is she doing it as a favour or are you paying her
It’s definitely not on for her to be ganged up against
I think you need more than a word and maybe a few punishments if they are old enough to know better