How would you feel

Elderlyfirsttimegran

Agree, don’t get involved and definitely do nothing to compromise your relationship with your son.

Yes. Definitely yes to elderlyfirsttimegran

Peacelily321, spot on (I've been there too)!

He's probably having the time of his life!

Just be a good listener to all and keep your thoughts to yourself. Pick up the pieces as and if needed.

Who’d have known being a mother was so hard.

On the other hand, he might feel this Other woman is the only person he can turn to, who understands him, is willing to listen.
If it was my son, I would like to help him with what he needed to talk througj.

I wouldn't say anything, but I would be very upset if this was my son - it's unnacceptable, he's a middle aged man with baggage, he needs to ask himself why she would want to be with him, it's not ok, but telling him that won't help - watch and wait, this won't end well I suspect

It is his life and he has to live it the way he wants to, it might fizzle out anyway so just stand back and be there for him but don’t get involved as it might cause friction.

As another poster said, we never stop worrying about our children! many years ago I had to visit a lady who was 92, she used to tell me about her worries because her two sons were having marriage problems. One sons wife had moved out and was now living with a woman. The other son's wife was a tyrant and not a good wife, according to the sons mother. lol,
poor lady..

Yikes! I'm 45 so I'll try to see it from his POV as well as yours.
If he met his first wife when he was 16, then that's the only relationship with a woman he's known (apart from his relationship with you). He may have felt they were too young and they may also have grown apart and become different people (not uncommon).
Men more than women, throw themselves into a new 'rebound' relationship to fill the emotional gap left by the previous woman. The more shocking or extreme the rebound is, the more of a compliment it actually is to the previous women (even though it definitely won't appear that way to anyone!). However, he may have felt lost in his marriage for a fair few years and actually he's ready to date again.
It does feel rather selfish and unthoughtful to everyone in his family, who must be reeling from the news of the split. I would also say, from bitter experience having been the 'first girlfriend' of a man post-divorce, that adult stepchildren can be ruthless in their hatred of any new partner. A 24 year old woman won't have any life experience or wherewithal to know how to deal with that. The children are highly likely to throw their loyalty behind their mum and there will likely be huge rifts and anger for quite some time yet.
It will probably be best to just be welcoming and grit your teeth and not say anything because your son will be going through a gamut of emotions right now (even though he's probably trying to ignore them). He just wants to know he's still valid, lovable and attractive. I feel sorry for the 24 year old because she has no idea of the tidal wave coming her way. It could be huge and they will need to be a very strong couple to survive the divorce aftermath. It will depend on the children, the ex wife and how divorce settlements pan out.
At the end of the day, most people do crazy things to feel loved and we just need to be there for them to keep their ship stable whilst they go through stormy waters.
But quietly place a bet with yourself that it probably is a rebound and he'll sort himself out after a few years.
Apologies for my rather brutal, hard earned wisdom in this.

yeh, deep breath. don't say a word and steady on the non verbals. Unless he asks...but he won't. Mainly because children have to feel they are grown up and separate so you interfering will probably have to opposite effect. It's tough being a mum.

Don’t get involved. It may work out, it may not. Focus on being there if they make a go of it as a couple or being there to pick up the pieces if it doesn’t.

it is nothing to do with you, like others have said just be there for him if he needs you. you say it is to soon but most couples who split up have probably been already split but for whatever reason have been staying in the same house, as for the age difference that is his business, my husband was 18 years older than me and my mum said it would not last, well it did for 18 years until he died leaving me a widow at 39 please don't interfere but remember you still have a daughter in law.

Is there any need to be so rude?

It's his business, not yours!
Stay out of it and keep your opinions to yourself but be there for IF he tells you there are problems and WANTS your opinion.

met not meant =(

To answer your question OP, I'd feel just as you feel. Thankfully there are many wise grans here with good advice on what to do or not do in this situation. I would try very hard to keep my opinions to myself, nothing good will come of airing them.

Many years ago my oldest brother and his wife split when he was near 40 with teenagers at home. Later in life my brother discussed this with me. He said that initially he'd dated much younger women and enjoyed it. But eventually came to his senses as for the most part, the younger woman may want children and he knew he did not want to start another family. After about 2 years of that he meant and married a lovely gal close to his own age. They remained married for nearly 40 years until his death last year.

I'd keep an open mind and take things as they occur. A mum's role is to support her children, not be in judgement. Our opinions really do not have any sway with their lives , contrary to what we may either wish or believe. Be yourself. Mum. Grandma. That's it. Anything else is just not your concern. Hard to keep tongue from flapping I know but the alternative is to risk alienation and banishment in extreme circs. Just be his mum and all will be well I'm sure.

Someone close to us did this.
They had already tried to leave frequently unknown to us and were persuaded back.
Now they are married one of their children treats them normally one treats the new partner with disdain especially since a half sibling came along. We keep out of it, listen to phone calls, have visits but never judge ,you never know with a bit of luck your son could be a lot happier.Or move on to someone nearer his age.

Agree with most comments. Try and stay amicable but neutral with all parties sand see how it all pans out-they are all adults and probably won’t thank you for adding your two penoth

Say nothing. Whatever happens in this new relationship will happen whatever anyone else says or does. It would take a novel to recount the love life of one of my sons, so I'll spare you that. The point is that I have never sat in judgement on any of his relationships but now, decidedly middle-aged, he is settled with a wonderful woman of his own age who is now also my very good friend as is his ex wife. So please, Helenlouise3, keep any misgivings to yourself. Don't overthink things, by speculating how it will all work out. Go with the flow!

I understand why you are worried, but quite honestly it is a case of the least said, soonest mended.

If my arthimetic is correct and I have understood you correctly, your son married, at the age of 22, a girl he had known since he was 16,.Presumably, she was about the same age.

Marrying relatively early, they have done well to stay together for 22 years.

Even if your youngest grandchildren are still small, there is nothing you can or should do, except to keep on as good terms as possible with your former DIL, your grandchildren and your son, and try to establish a good relationship with his girlfriend.

My greatest concern would be her age, if the friendship lasts and they marry. She is the age where she might well want children, while you son may not be anxious for a second family.

However, that cannot be your or my concern either. A woman of 24 who falls for a man nearly twice her age, and one who has four children already, should have considered this, and we do not know that she does want children. It could be that your son's age and status as a father attracts her because she has no desire for children.

Your grandchildren should be mature enough to be happy if their father is happy. If they aren't, you will need to try to address that problem. They assuredly know plenty of others their own ages whose parents have split up and where one or both have formed a new realationship, so they may not be particularly worried about this.

You say you like her and she is someone you could get on with. My advice is this: treat her in a friendly manner as his "friend". Don't invest any emotion at this stage as it might not last. My son had several girlfriends after his divorce and I soon learned not to get too involved!

My Son who divorced many years ago, met another lady a year ago, after six months they split up not amicably unfortunately, I am glad I didnt get involved but am here to support my Son.
We all worry about our children adults or not.

Don’t get involved with his relationship but make it clear that you will not lie or hide it from grandchildren should it arise.

I am in agreement with ilovecheese
This is probably the
“transition relationship”
Don’t get involved or give an opinion just let him have a good time and stay out of his business.
After being with the same lady for so many years he’s probably doing what he should have done when he was young, filling his boots and having great sex.
His new girlfriend is young and will have very different ways and ideas to what he’s used to and he’s got to learn dating which he’s never really done.
Remember to support him and your dil as she’s still family. The new girl could be a flash in the pan and one of quite a few girlfriends so don’t put your eggs all in one basket and think new dil material.
Your son may need to get a lot off his chest and be like a youngster in a sweet shop. He might enjoy a single life, not everyone needs to immediately settle down again.