How would you feel

I really would try to not get involved. He has a 21 year old son? Are the others far off that age...practically grown up. Just be there for any backlash, but don’t cause it yourself.

All the best.

? I'd be in quandary too. ?
What to do? - be around for the fall-out I guess.

I would stand back and not interfere even though you find it difficult. He’s 42, not a child and if it doesn’t work out, you can be supportive. If it does work out you will not have created some conflict by interfering.
It’s his life now and his decisions regarding relationships, worrying though they may seem to you.

We never stop worrying about our children do we?
I would just take a step back and get on with your own life. There is nothing you can or should do in this situation.

I agree as hard as it is, do nothing. Keep neutral and civil.

It also makes me raise an eyebrow, both the age difference and the timeline of the separation, but not my circus not my monkeys

It’s very quick, is it possible he already knew the new girlfriend before the breakup. His adult children may well find it difficult to accept given her age and speed of new relationship. especially if they are close to their mum.

This could well be his "in between" relationship, nothing permanent, just him getting used to dating again after so long.
Keep being friendly and happy for him, but don't assume this will be his only relationship after being married for such a long time.

I can't see the quandry, he's an adult and so is she. You might not approve but hopefully you will keep that to yourself.

That's the quandary - wanting to say something & knowing you can't. How to process it in ones own head.
Best wishes Helenlouise3

Helenlouise3, your son's relationship with his wife may have been over long before they split up.

I'm always so grateful when my kids find somebody who makes them happy. Anything else (age, appearance, occupation, kids) makes no difference.

It's his life and this relationship may last - or not - but be friendly and supportive. His children will just have to get used to it.

No ones business but his if he makes another mistake it’s for him to clear it up
It’s hard isn’t it ? But you just have to grit your teeth and pretend he lives far away and you don’t see what he’s doing with his life

Hithere

I agree as hard as it is, do nothing. Keep neutral and civil.

It also makes me raise an eyebrow, both the age difference and the timeline of the separation, but not my circus not my monkeys

Good advice

Just be happy when he is happy and hold his hand when he is sad. Nothing else you can do. He has to make his own good decisions and his own mistakes.

Relationships with wide age gaps can work well..

Do his children know about her? If not, it would be worth saying to your son that when you see the GC you do not want to be asked to keep a secret as that puts you in an uncomfortable position. You need to know where things stand on this.

I hope you can try not to worry about this - it may be that he is doing the right thing.

Yes I would probably raise an eyebrow or two, but what can you do, he’s an adult the girls an adult, I certainly wouldn’t voice my opinion to him, it’s his business, he was with his wife at a young age and married quite a few years, the children presumably have their own lives too, I would just stand back

So difficult. You just have to suck it up and don't get involved. You're allowed to have opinions (and even be sad) but express them at your peril. I agree with whoever suggested you must not keep or have secrets with anyone. Good luck.

I think it's quite unlikely he's only just met her. It may be that this coincided with his wife finding someone, or perhaps they were holding onto their marriage until the children were older.
Completely understand you feeling awkward but if she's someone you would naturally get on with, just focus on that. She may or may not be around for years. Hold back on feeling you need to judge or react when you very likely have only scant information.

P.S. You sound lovely, just do your best, it's all we can do!

Don't interfere or pass any comments as it could backfire on you.
My niece married a man 20 years older. 2 children and 15 years later they are blissfully happy.
Lots of people condemned it and they are no longer in contact.

Don't get involved and certainly don't take sides when his children find out!
You are assuming that this relationship will be going for the long haul - there's a pretty high chance that it won't unless the young lady is an exceptional person - the chance that they share the same beliefs, likes, hobbies etc will be quite unusual.
See it as it possibly is - for your son, it's a boost to his ego that a young woman would fancy him , enough to date him and for his girlfriend, that an older man may want to spend time with her.
Now I know that someone ids going to jump on here and say that they are x years younger or older than their OH, but that is the exception rather than the rule!

It might not last. When he’s sitting all day long in his chair, been there, done that, got the T-shirt, she might get bored with him?
You never know, you might get more grandchildren out of it.
Keep out of it until he needs your counsel.

I’m sorry you are upset. I too have been in this situation. My DD gave her home, job etc up to move abroad with her husband. All was fine n then he received out of the blue a text from a woman he met age 16. Allegedly she ssid he was the love of her life n meant to be together. I know she’s Twice divorced n he's now in a relationship with her. My son in law was like a son to us but we have tried to just listen to our DD that’s all we can do. She’s in early 40s as her husband is. It’s been extremely upsetting and very stressful. There’s nothing you can say to your son because trust me I doubt he will
listen if he’s made his mind up

He was only 16 when he met his wife. He’ll be making up for lost time for a while (as might his wife!) and won’t necessarily stay with his current girlfriend. I wouldn’t get involved, just be as supportive as you can to all the family in a non-judgemental way.

I was the ‘young woman’ in this situation many years ago. My boyfriend was 42 and split up from his wife, two children who lived with him. I was 23. We worked together and went out for about nine months. After we broke up, he started going out with a woman his own age and, as far as I know, they are still together. He said I really brought him to life again after the trauma of the split from his wife. We were good together and I met his children and his brother, though not his mother. However, looking back at it now, it was not really ever going to be a long term thing, I don’t think. My parents worried about me being dragged through the divorce courts, but just stood by and didn’t interfere. In the end, our relationship ran its course, as possibly this one will. All you can do is be there for your son and his children. Don’t judge him and try to avoid taking sides. It will all work itself out one way or another.

Sorry the woman he met was when he was aged 16 on holiday.

Agree, don’t get involved and definitely do nothing to compromise your relationship with your son.