The Innocence of Children

Many years ago my son asked his sister"Do you like my new Thomas the Tank Engine pants? We got them from Marks and 'Spensive"

My daughter used to sing 'suspicious minds'& opening words were' call me a tramp!'

My son told the assembled family group that his dad has two beards; one on his chin and one around his willy.

My granddaughter was in a long queue, she was bored and very grumpily said, for f@#ks sake I hate queing, she was about 4, it did make a few people surpress
giggles

I was squeezed in CGs playhouse in our garden reading my GD a story. She watched me reading and then said "Nanna why have you got black teeth". Many years ago I had root canal work done on my two bottom from teeth and slowly through the years they had become discoloured (I might add they were not black just a bit darker than the rest). We had recently moved and I had not yet registered with the dentist. I did the next day and now my teeth are not "black".

A little girl I know made a friend in the local shop while her dad was in the queue to pay.
Her new friend said she must be a boy, as she had short hair, and they started to bicker.

"Anyway" said the little girl, "I'm not a boy because I don't have a willy, but my dad has a really big one!"

I was talking to my 4year old DGD yesterday about the baby who was born at Christmas. I explained that there were no hotel rooms left so the baby had to be born in a stable. Her response: Err yuk, what about all the horse poo!

My 2 granddaughters discussing how old I might be this weekend. 'How do you know I'm old?' I foolishly asked.
DGD2...'I can tell by your face'
??

Making a shopping list with 4 year old
Me ' OK we have milk, bread, crisps on the list. What else do you think we need?'
4 year old ' Cock porn'
Me, trying very hard to keep a straightface ' OK will add popcorn to the list'

My grandson aged three watching his mother drying herself after a shower. “You haven’t got a Willy. Daddy, mummy hasn’t got a Willy, we must buy her one” Daddy says “ but where would we get one?” Grandson “ in Milton Keynes next to the Teddy Bear shop”.

Telling my smiling grandson off (mildly) after he ate my recently made buns. I said 'oh you think that's funny do you?' He said no 'but a pig on a trampoline is'

Love their thread! It’s good to hear things that make you smile!
My 6 yr old nephew when asked what his favourite chrutmas carol was said ‘Old Santa in his shell suit’

My DS1 aged 2.5. Announced to the butcher and customers “my mummy’s got a baby in her tummy”

My son announced in a very loud voice while standing in a very long queue in Tesco over thirty years ago, that he knew the difference between boys and girls. You could have heard a pin drop and then he said, Boys have grey socks and girls have white ones

I heaved a sigh of relief

When my daughter was 6, her teacher had started teaching her class about the human body. When I met daughter at the school gates she solemnly told me ‘mum, there is nothing to be ashamed about the fuming body.’.

5-year-old Grandson: Who is the lady you were talking to, Nanna?
Me: She is a lady I used to work with a long time ago.
Grandson: Was that when the dinosaurs were here?

When my sun was young, he walked in as I was doing a wee,
he said ‘wow how do you do that’?
Then went running downstairs shouting ‘DAddy mummy is doing a wee out of her bum’ ?
Was time to tell him not everyone has a Willy

I have just found a note sent by my daughter. Dear fairies . Can I have a wand for 3 new pence. If you don't know what that is in old it is 7d

My son is very literal. He was taking ages in the bath when he was 7 so I called for him to hurry up and he said I’ve not washed my shoulders yet! .. he was using head and shoulders shampoo ?.
Another time someone asked him about his trip to Blackpool and did he go on a donkey? My son said no, I went in a car!!

Standing in the queue at sainsburys to pay for my shopping with my 4 year old sat in the trolley seat helping me put items on checkout she picked up my tampax and said mummy uses these in her bum to the cashier.?

My grandson aged 6 said on Saturday aww nan I love your arms they are like squishy marshmallows. He's probably quite correct

When my daughter was about 3 she announced one day that she wanted a pith helmet like Daddy's (he was a Royal Marine). Only problem was, she couldn't say th and said s instead. We made said helmet out of a Weetabix box, yards of sticky tape, and a cocktail stick with a blob of yellow playdoh on for the bit on top. S then went round to everyone she could find saying "Do you like my pi-- helmet?"

Witzend that's classic ?
My neighbour used to be a qualified nursery nurse and took great pride in how she was bringing her own two children up. They were doing a craft activity one day, making things out of cardboard boxes.
She asked her little daughter what hers was, and was told the name of our local pub ??

She’s 6 now, but when Gdd1 was still under 3, nursery staff once asked what she was doing in the play kitchen.
‘I’m having a glass of wine.’

I was telling my grandsons how we have to look after my car keep it tidy etc, one said 'has it got to last you till you're not here anymore nan?'