How can I find peace?

Gosh just found this post and I can’t believe it’s exactly what I’m going through! You think you are the only one especially at night! Thankyou It has helped ease my mind. As mentioned when it’s about close family you can’t help worrying can you. So going to try and have a go at a lot more walking OTC remedies and more positive thinking ??

Kathy73

Thank you for your replies. I have thought of counselling - as I say, it isn’t my problem as such, but I need to find ways of living with it, to develop coping strategies.

I have the same sort of problems Kathy so can empathise with you.
My only real coping strategy is, when awake and feeling upset in the small hours, is to tell myself firmly that I will think about it after breakfast....giving myself permission as it were, to stop a churning mind and go back to sleep.It usually works.
It’s the fact that it’s my family and that I can’t change anything or help and what will be their outcomes in the future?
I think many of us on here have similar situations.

Reference your post on Tuesday Urmstongran, that's so true.

We're fast approaching the 9th anniversary of "a very bad experience " which is still on going as nothing has changed, but what has changed is our ability to deal with it, live with it and enjoy life in spite of it.

The passage of time does help Kathy, even with a problem, a situation which has no end. Take one day at a time, walking is a good stress reliever. You may find herbal remedies helpful such as Kalms and Night tine Kalms to aid sleep. They take a few weeks to 'kick in' but I found them really good when I was at my lowest.

If you struggle to sleep at night but can catch up during the day then go for it, and if you need to have a good cry, do that too.

Take care and feel better soon .

How are you Kathy73?

So sorry your feeling worried, it is awful, especially if as you say it’s ongoing. I would try to get as much sleep as possible with OTC remedies if you can, sleep deprivation will only make things worse.
Talking helps too, then do things that you know you’ll enjoy even it’s only for short periods. Hope you feel better soon

I think happiness in itself can be a pretty nebulous concept. I think ‘contentment’ is pretty good to settle with and hopefully flashes of happiness along the way to give positivity to our lives. Also a little rain must (and does) fall. ‘This Too Will Pass’ some say. Which is true pretty much (unless it’s some truly unbearable in which case I suppose we have to learn to accept and navigate around it) but also that little mantra reminds us that ‘happiness’ too will pass. Which is why we ought to really embrace it whenever it happens.

Ooh... I’ve gone all in for psychology today haven’t I?

I am sorry you are going through this Kathy73 and wish I could help. All I can suggest is that you make sure there is a time every day that is just for you to enjoy (you mention a walk and coffee, long baths and a good book other options?) and that for that time you mentally put your family worries into a 'mental box' and put it away. Rest when you can, eat well and take care of yourself.

I find it staggering just how many of us are suffering with things that are totally out of our control to do with our children and or grandchildren. My happiness is so dependent on their happiness. I realise I am not on my own when reading these posts. Is it a case of learning to live with a constant unhappiness?

Kathy unfortunately for us mums and grannies there’s never much peace. We worry about our children even when adults, and then there’s the grandchildren, plus of course worry about our partners and ourselves. So it’s not surprising we wake during the night with all this going on in our heads. I’ve taken the OTC sleep aids when feeling really stressed about it all, worth trying I think.

Dogsmakemesmile

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It is very difficult to be aware of a situation over which you have no control/power concerning people you love. Can you address the situation with those concerned even if to say "I'm here for you". You cannot, however , take on other people's problems. Worries are always far worse at night. I am awake from 4.30 every morning. I listen to the World Service. Sending you best wishes.

We are very involved with the ones going through the difficulties (one of my AC and GC) and we give a lot of support and love. Yes, the worries are worst at 2/3/4 am. I have things I like to do, which distract me, but it’s just there in the background. Guess all I can do is make the most of positive times (going for a walk shortly, and a coffee) and keep on keeping on.

That old saying ‘you can’t buy peace of mind’ is true. Nothing beats being able to put one’s head on a pillow at night and just drift without worrying.

We had a bad experience about 12 years ago. Looking back I’m surprised we survived with our mental health intact. I wouldn’t wish what we went through on anyone.

In time I hope your worries ease or resolve. ?

In the meantime all you can do is to keep on keeping on.
Best wishes.

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. It is very difficult to be aware of a situation over which you have no control/power concerning people you love. Can you address the situation with those concerned even if to say "I'm here for you". You cannot, however , take on other people's problems. Worries are always far worse at night. I am awake from 4.30 every morning. I listen to the World Service. Sending you best wishes.

Sending you big hugs. I've no solution really but I know how you.feel. I've been told i feel more because I care. It's hard not to.
All j can add is that when I was having a bad time hypnotherapy helped.
Good luck

Ive no solution to your problem other than to say I do understand.
Over the counter sleep aids might help you if you can take them.

Just try to keep yourself busy and if you have friends that make you laugh try to join them for a coffee, lunch ect but do look after yourself.

Thank you for your replies. I have thought of counselling - as I say, it isn’t my problem as such, but I need to find ways of living with it, to develop coping strategies.

Sorry you have ongoing worries Kathy. It can take a toll on your health if you aren't sleeping.
You could try an over the counter sleeping remedy which could help.
Do you have someone outside of the family you can talk to? Talking is great therapy with someone not involved with the problem.
Hope you feel more settled soon ?

Sending you a hug Kathy. I have a lovely counsellor who helps me to talk through things that happen in my life. Would that help? I also meditate, and when I need to be ‘looked after’ this includes listening to mindful meditations on you tube.
Take good care of you.

Kathy73 I understand where you are coming from and really feel for you. Yesterday I woke at 2.30am and never slept again. This morning was much better. Life is hard when you 'care;. I actually think that is the killer 'caring'. It takes over your life and blocks out everything else. You are doing all the right things. One can only hope you become used to whatever happens in your life and you do manage to deal with the new 'is'. I hang on to the 'what does not kill you makes you stronger'. You stay strong! Take care. Hugs .