Should you let guests know you're not cooking traditional Christmas Dinner

If I were invited for Christmas dinner my first reaction would be to ask what I could contribute, as a traditional Christmas dinner is costly and a big undertaking in terms of preparation both before and on the day.

So I’d probably know immediately whether the meal would be a traditional one or not, depending on the host’s response.

A few years ago it was not ‘our turn’ to be with any DC at Christmas & we got together with a very dear old friend & had a Middle Eastern feast with numerous Yotam Ottolenghi dishes. Obviously not the same as Turkey & trimmings but just as enjoyable a meal and Christmas Day.

But to answer the OP question, if it was me hosting a non-traditional Christmas dinner I’d tell guests beforehand, both to avoid their disappointment and so they could alert me to any allergies, dislikes etc.

Yes, I'd tell people.
We don't eat until the evening which I know isn't that popular either.

As Lily said.

If you ask someone to Christmas dinner the implication is that it will be traditional fare, so if is not going to be so this needs to be signalled upfront.

The guests need to know beforehand. They might be very happy to eat a different meal on Christmas day, but would like turkey etc. on another day, say Boxing day, then they need to buy the supplies before Christmas day.

Theoddbird

How wonderful to be invited for Christmas dinner. It is all about the company not the food. To refuse because you don't want vegan or Indian food is really bad manners in my opinion.

... but what if you have food allergies?

In my own case, I'm not allergic to anything, but am on a strict, controlled diet given to me by a hospital dietician. I'd love a vegan meal, but would not be able to eat most of the ingredients. If warned in advance, I would be able to bring a couple of food items, and enjoy the meal with everyone else.

And my DIL was once hospitalised through sitting next to someone who was eating prawns... Anaphylaxis!

So it's not always a question of bad manners on the part of the guests, but consideration on the part of the host.

Yes of course

Theoddbird. Sorry for posting almost the same as you. I only read your comment after posting mine.

Yes. However, isn't Christmas dinner more about the company rather than the contents of the plate? Have turkey on Boxing day if it's important to you.

How wonderful to be invited for Christmas dinner. It is all about the company not the food. To refuse because you don't want vegan or Indian food is really bad manners in my opinion.

I remember many, many years ago when our boys were little about 3 & 4 we went out to a Chinese Restaurant for our Christmas Lunch. No alcohol but I remember tea in a large Brown teapot. We felt very chic! Especially when friends asked what I did for Christmas when I told them we had Chinese at * Restaurant. [Grin]

and we really enjoyed it.

What about those with allergies?

DDiL has an auto-immune illness and is now allergic to soya, nuts and most fresh fruit. Since the first two foodstuffs seem to be the foundation of vegan cuisine, there wouldn't be much in a vegan meal that she could eat.

It's good manners to let your guests know what you are planning to serve them, especially when it's Christmas dinner as most people would expect the traditional fare.

annsixty I was once invited out with a group of friends to an Indian restaurant. I enjoyed their company but I can’t eat spicy food so the organiser checked with the restaurant, who said, “no problem” and their chef prepared an excellent vegetarian dish that had no spice at all. I’m sorry I can’t remember what it was called but as you have the name of the restaurant it should be no problem to give them a call and discuss it.

Apart from that, yes I think that if you’re not preparing a traditional Christmas Day meal then you should tell your guests in advance. In the days when I used to enjoy the sort of meal cooked by Iam and M0nica but couldn’t eat meat I’d tell the host in advance but say that I would enjoy it all but would prefer to bring a piece of Quorn ( other meat substitutes are available!) ready cooked to have instead.

I would go and enjoy Christmas with friends or family, who knows what's round the corner. Cook a turkey on boxing day if they want to be traditional.

Yes, I think you should inform them along with the invite.

Most people expect the traditional Christmas dinner, so they know what they will be eating. The alternatives might not suit them or even contain ingredients they don't like.

In my own case, there are certain foods that I cannot eat because of a medical condition. A vegan meal (much as I would enjoy it) would possibly put me in hospital with a bowel obstruction as I only have a limited amount of small intestine left in my now decimated abdomen!

*kind of

Yes a takeaway is a bit off, i agree, its the kingd of meal they could invite people round for on any other day of the year, maybe day after boxing day or some such, when folk might like a change by then from traditional christmas food, or want a break from cooking?- just as a friends/family get together/catch up during the holiday season, but not on christmas day.?

Helen657

Ditto…

Definitely need to say if it's not a traditional Xmas meal. I would just send apologies and say we've decided to spend Xmas Day at home but would love to visit another day.

It would be nice for the menu to have been mentioned at the time of the invitation or contact in between times, just to check that their guests were happy to have a different menu from the traditional.
If you really can't stand the choice that is available, you could always use Covid as an excuse and say that under the current circumstances you had decided to stay at home ?

clair1966

Common sense would dictate that if you invite anyone over for a meal you would tell them what you are having.

I wouldn’t do that usually, but I will always ask beforehand whether there was anything they don’t like, or can’t eat.

Christmas is IMO different though. A Sil of mine always cooks a whole salmon on Christmas Day, so I’m glad she’s never invited us! To me salmon is very overrated anyway - I much prefer it smoked, or salmon trout in summer.

Yes of course you should tell them.And anyone who now feels 'stuck' in an already accepted invite like this should now speak up and say "sorry but we wont be able to come after all as we prefer a more traditional christmas meal, i didnt realise it wasnt, sorry.Then they can buy less in if they havent already, or invite someone else instead if they have already paid for food.But both inviters and invitees should be honest at time of invite.If they issue they should state at time if its an 'alternative' menu.or if not you should speak up and ask, say "id love to come, but maybe not if its not a traditional christmas menu?" At this point they should say what they will be cooking, so you know whether to accept or turn it down.Why keep it secret??

Soniah

Do you expect a copy of the menu any other day of the year? I'd be grateful to be asked

I think Christmas Dinner implies turkey, ham, roast potatoes, stuffing etc. Whereas an invitation to dinner on any other day could mean anything.
I would check though before serving anything spicy, or text beforehand to check everyone eats prawns/mushrooms/apricots or anything that's likely to be not popular with some people.
If someone doesn't eat something fairly basic like onions, dairy or garlic I would expect them to let me know.

For the past few years my DD1 has taken over cooking the Xmas dinner, she does a great job of it. My DH doesn't like turkey so we have always had beef and DD1 continues with that. To take the pressure off her, I do the Xmas puddings and Xmas cake. I relish no longer having to be stuck in the kitchen cooking the delicious meal she turns out. My only complaint is she serves it on Christmas eve. Christmas morning we go back to her house to watch the DGC open their pressies and nibble the leftovers. I would love to take the GC to the Christingle service held at our church on Christmas eve.