What constitutes financial abuse ?

In your shoes, I'd have my salary paid into my own personal account and then transfer exactly 50% of the anticipated monthly bills into the joint account. OH should do the same. The income from the joint part time work could be left in the joint account to pay for holidays etc. Financial abuse is where one person is taking advantage of the other. Do you think that you're in this position PinkCosmos?

One solution would be to work out what the monthly bills amount to, then each put half of that amount into the joint. That way, he would be contributing his fair share and you would be left with some money paid directly into your own personal account.

Well I would consider have your own account plus the joint. That way you could manage your own affairs independently. I don't think that anyone is abusing any one here but there had to be financial responsibility. IMHO

We have always had a joint account for everything since we started living together in the 70s. Never had a your money my money situation with lots of different accounts etc.

Jackiest your financial arrangements work for you in your marriage. Can you imagine if your partner was spending all the money and racking up credit on things for himself without a thought for the bills that had to be paid? Not everyone has the same life, personality or sense of responsibility as you.

To answer your question PinkCosmos, in my opinion (and ONLY in my opinion) as long as you are happy with the arrangement you have, where you are paying most of the bills and household costs from your money in the joint account, then it obviously works for you and DH. Likewise, if your DH earns enough to finance his own lifestyle without having to dip into the joint account then you were absolutely entitled to cut up his card. As this was a few years ago I assume that he has not asked for a replacement card for the joint account.

It may not seem fair to others who comment, but if you feel that it is how you have to operate in order to stay debt free and secure then so be it. I have friends who have many different ways of managing their money but who am I to criticise as long as it has been discussed and agreed between them and their partners?

I don't know if this counts as financial abuse. It is though unfair that you pay most of the bills and he has a lot more spending money of his own.

I agree with MissAdventure.

If both of you are happy with the arrangement, then it's not abusive. I would maybe suggest that you ask your husband, rather than us though . I mean that nicely, but only he can say whether he feels put upon or not.

Abuse is where it causes harm to another.
That will vary from person to person and relationship to relationship.

We have joint bank accounts the credit cards are in both our names. We have no concept of my money or his money it is all our money. He can see every penny I spend and where and I can see everything he spends and where. I think that is how a marriage should be.

I think stop calling it the joint account and think of it as the bill account. If you both pay the same amount in just to cover the bills then there should not be any over for him to spend so you are not withholding money from him.