What wold you do?

the parents need to shew some leadership by not having junk things to eat in the house, and by enjoying and sharing healthy food items.

I think if they ask you again Lucky you need to be honest and state the obvious, as you’ve told us here.

Is your Granddaughter active? Does she play sports, swim, dance? My 10 year old GD is big for her age but is tall too. She wears clothes 12-13 years. She does eat quite big meals, but any snacks she has are fruit. She goes swimming twice a week, plays football in the school team, and also rides her bike at weekends (too dark after school).

Please don't mention to your GD or her parents about her weight. My GD told me her sister (14) has called her names, which upset her so much.

Her parents are obviously aware of the situation. Yes it would help if the snacks were not so available. However , the last thing your GD needs is an eating disorder and body image issues . I would suggest her parents cut down on buying snacks , the child is only 9 and unless she is grossly overweight I would leave well alone for now.

A couple of my children have gone outwards and then upwards and taken up the slack as it were so I would just let it be whilst not having 'bad' things around.

Say nothing.
Her parents will have to address it .
You will only cause offence even if your comments are well meant .

I opened a real can of
worms when I expressed concern about my granddaughter's lack of basic reading and writing skills .
And infuriated my son when I asked my grandson not to run around a busy restaurant .
The waitress nearly fell over with a huge tray of glasses .
Criticising children to their parents doesn't sit well .

I thoroughly remember becoming rotund around the age of eleven. I was sporty and active and declared my discontent to my Mum. She simply dismissed my worries by saying it was only puppy fat and would disappear in due course. Happily what she said materialised but I do wonder what she did to help without me noticing. She was pretty astute and totally supportive.

My lovely GD1 is a big girl, five foot ten, and probably a good size 18. She is eighteen now, and has been overweight for a long time. However whenever DD raised the subject with her she never wanted to know. She is now in her first year at university and has settled in well. She seems very comfortable with her size. I wish that she would lose the extra weight, but it has to be her decision.

I think I would just ensure only healthy snacks were available in my own home, and say absolutely nothing.
Hopefully she will continue growing upwards, and any issues will even themselves out.

I'm still hoping that might happen in my case.

If they bring it up with you again surely you can mention the snacks etc? They are clearly wanting guidance.

Let me be absolutely clear - there is no way on this earth that I would comment on it! - I am very well aware of the dangers that even a passing comment can cause.

I am just trying to think how I might respond if her parents bring it up with me again. I want to be supportive and not critical, whilst at the same time being very aware what the source of the problem is.

And I wondered if anyone else has experienced the same.

Is this little girl very active? Mine were always doing something: dancing, swimming, gymnastics etc. If this child has no activity in her life apart from watching TV or similar then this will be a part of the problem. Could a New Years resolution include a new active hobby?

Say nothing and accept her as she is

If you snack and eat healthy, she may do the same when she is with you

She is 9 and growing.

Just because the family has the tendency to be strong beans doesn't mean she may have the same structure

This is how body image issues, eating disorders and self esteem issues start

Commenting on anybody's body is rude. Period.

Luckygirl3

Thank you for that link Kathy - very helpful.

I am very aware of the factors that might have inclined her in this direction - it is very hard being the younger sibling of someone with a brain like a planet and limitless exceptional talents!

We have experience of sibling GC with very different capabilities. The less able academically child became very conscious of his shortcomings at school, and so, with an all round effort (a superb school teacher, parents, grandparents (both sides) and a good local junior football trainer), we encouraged success in other areas, and this has helped his self esteem hugely.

Luckygirl
We had the same problem with my granddaughter was that age. Such a surprise as she was always like a little doll and I’m a size 12 and her mother a size 10 and her brother is the proverbial beanpole.
Then puberty kicked in and before she was 12 she was 5’4” and her body just spread itself out.
Me and my daughter do worry as her fathers family are big people.
What has helped is that now she walks to school unlike at junior she had to go by car because of the distance.

Say nothing and just love her lots!

Tell her you are going to start start swimming/jogging/cycling or just plain walking to the play park and would she like to come with you?

This will keep her fit and use a few calories! I guess she could have a growth spurt this year, and it will all sort itself out.

She sounds a lovely gd who you are lucky to have.

My 9 year old granddaughter started to put on weight when all her activities stopped during lockdown. Swimming, ballet, cubs and gymnastics

It didn't help that her parents (my son) split up in January 2020 just as the pandemic was taking hold

I'm hoping that she will grow out of it. I won't be mentioning it to her as I would worry about future eating disorders.

I really feel that this shouldn’t be made an issue at such a young age. As a young girl my weight was always commented on and I was bullied at school. I realise it’s not healthy to be overweight but I feel it’s important that this is dealt with in a sensitive manner. Believe me it sticks with you for life and can lead to eating disorders. What I’m trying to say is don’t give your granddaughter a complex about her weight and make her self conscious. Maybe the family could all go on a healthy eating programme for the New Year and seek expert advice

Thank you for that link Kathy - very helpful.

I am very aware of the factors that might have inclined her in this direction - it is very hard being the younger sibling of someone with a brain like a planet and limitless exceptional talents!

As she is the odd one out size wise in your family, she already has the odds stacked against her for a life time of speculation.
Of course she may have a growing spurt soon which may change things again.
This happened with my son, who turned from a plump junior school boy into a gangly teenager, then a handsome athletic young man.
It is harder for young girls though, whose bodies go through so much at this age.

Say nothing. Better that way than the other. Once they begin growing upwards it won't be as noticeable. We have one in the family, a 7 year old---like a tank and as strong as an ox

Is GD active? Do the rest of the family eat the same foods / snacks and not put on weight?
www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-weight/childrens-weight/overweight-children-advice-for-parents/

Leave her be.
Observe her life more closely. As you are outside of the family unit you may see things others miss., that may point to the why she is doing this.
Even then you must say nothing to her.
She will be shamed for her size by others, so dont allow yourself to be perceived as one of them in her eyes.
So much new evidence has been found about how and why people put on weight. Very little of the way society, Gp or gov. view food or eating habits or weight gain is actually correct,
I would suggest lots of fun and closeness when you are with her.
And lots of learning ( youtube, netflix have some good advice and give more up to date info) about the hows and whys of people who put on weight.
BTW I hope who ever mentioned to you about her size was told to mind her own business.
I can guarantee this little girl at 9 is already aware of other peoples opinion of her and he size.

Indeed it is hard annsixty. I am very conscious that she should not be made over-aware of her weight as this can create an obsession with what she eats, which would not help. And it is a sensitive time for body image. It would only take one conversation to plant this in her mind as something to worry about, and she might not be able to shake it off at all.

Personally I think the source of snacks should be filled with something healthy. I find it hard that her parents are aware of the problem but still allow free access to the snacks cupboard.

In my daughter's case, the weight gain seemed to be pre-pubertal, but never "fell off" as she got older. Other family members are not overweight, apart from OH, and his mother and sisters always struggled with weight, so I think it may be genetic predisposition.