Its all OK…….for now. Do we ever stop worrying about our AC?

My father always said you stop worrying about your children when they get to 90.

I'm not given to worry, really.
Certainly not about normal, everyday ups and downs.

My DD was rarely a worry until covid which has affected her mental health badly. She started a new job this week after 5 years living alone and working in Glasgow and will eventually work in London, though working from home at present, in my house. We're just getting used to living together after both living alone for the last 11 years. Hopefully being able to keep an eye on her will reduce the worry a bit and I hope that having company will be good for her.

Meanwhile DS, who gave far more cause for concern when younger, is happily married and has given me my first GC. They live abroad but are returning to the UK in the Summer this year. Briefly worried about him getting a job to come back to but that's now sorted.

You never stop worrying about them completely, but regular communication really helps, and the fact that they ask for advice when they need it is reassuring. I try not to offer advice unsolicited!

Just heard my adult Grandson has covid, so more worry,it never ends

I think it all depends on what situation your AC are in. I don't worry about my son as he has his own family now, lives abroad and is doing really well. However our daughter lives on her own, is getting on to 40 and shows no sign of having a long term relationship. When DH and I are gone, she will have no close family at all in this country. That does worry me a great deal but there is nothing I can do about it.

I have no worries for one of my daughters but am estranged from the other, due to her bad mothering, as her son has been giving me sleepless nights for 6 years (now aged 20) it's made me ill, there's no solution currently.

I'm quite upset by the claim that if I loved my children I would never stop worrying. Of course they gave me cause for concern when they were young, but I would always prefer to think of constructive ways to help them out of difficult situations. If you think that this is a 'cold' way of thinking, I refer you to the history I had with my mother who was always 'worried' - so worried that she would be worried if she had nothing to worry about. That really got on my nerves and I wouldn't like my sons to feel that way on account of me. The only time I can think of when I was seriously worried was when DS2 (aged 2) had a major operation - something I could do nothing about. He is now 49 and fit as the proverbial fiddle. I love my sons and my GC to bits and suspect that sometimes they might worry about me!

I have never been a worrier, but as I get older I find I worry about my AC,and worry about my GC not worry maybe, but just hope they will have happy and successful lives, especially when I am not around any more.

I agree, we will always be worrying or concerned about our children.

And not only children; as they aged I worried about my parents and aunt, and that only stopped when they were all dead and buried.

I spent most of my childhood and adult life worried about my sister, who had major problems to conted with.

So no, worrying or being concerned is a tax on being fond of people, but I would rather pay it than not have anyone to love!

Greengran78 thank you so much for your kind comments, yes been really difficult but at least he says “ love you Mum “ when he rings me, so not all bad

My Irish mother in law-now sadly deceased-had a saying "you worry from the moment they come into the world until you go out of it" about right I think

Mental illness seems to have dogged my family .
When I pray, which is several times a day -I pray for my adult children .
They are not believers .
I'm really concerned
for different reasons about all four of them .
They are so discontented with life and increasingly angry about things .
They all had a fantastic privileged background and seem to have such high expectations of life .
One is struggling to bring up her difficult son alone .Her partner was a disaster. All of us thought
that he was on the autistic spectrum from the get go .
Another has a partner who I'm sure is seriously mentally ill .
She just can't cope with the most basic of household chores .They live in total chaos .
And the third has an excellent lucrative career and loving partner , but is so bad tempered intolerant and inflexible .
As for the fourth - none of us know what's happening in his life !

I'm disappointed and disillusioned .
They will always be in my prayers - that is all that I can do .

MaryXYX

At least half of my children have told their children I died. I have no contact any more so nothing to worry about.

I'm so sorry to see this, Mary. Your GC will be shocked when, and indeed if, they discover that you are very much still alive.

I am always concerned for my adult children’s happiness and security and all too often actively worried unfortunately! My elder daughter worried me to death for years. A real ‘wild child’ her behaviour was awful, wouldn’t attend school and was permanently excluded at 13 with no real alternative offered. Mixed with strange people and so strong willed-dreadful times and I worried myself to madness and ended up quite ill myself. Fast forward twenty years later and she is a happily married mum of four (one is her stepchild) and a sensible soul, unable to herself understand why her behaviour was so bad. I just worry about her constant overdoing it now which I guess cannot be helped. My second daughter (31) gave me no concerns until a few years ago when she split up with her lovely boyfriend (her decision-‘not exciting enough’) and has made some very questionable choices since then which have resulted in numerous problems, not least her health, and of course I am there to worry and pick up what pieces I can. I often ask myself what I did wrong! However my son has bucked the trend and although I am sometimes concerned about the usual things (idiots on the road bumping into him when driving, too many late nights etc!) he has honestly never given me a moments trouble so no worries with him at least (for now anyway!).

I agree worrying never stops, and it seems to get harder. When they are little, a big hug usually puts everything right, once they are adults their problems are so much harder to fix.

MagSt I often think about how dreadful it must be to have children who become addicted, and mess up their own lives, and also their family's. It must be a non-stop nightmare.
I hope that he eventually manages to sort himself out and ease your worries.
Love and best wishes to you.

The eldest I don't worry a lot about as he has DIL who 'looks after' him.
The other AC are single so yes we do worry when they are ill or have problems. Although they all have good supportive friends.
DD recently recovered from Covid after being very very ill but now has a bad chest infection (1st ever) and fatigue so I'm still worried about her although she has medication from GP and has reduced her hours at work temporarily. Probably more so as she is alone with DGC.
I'm very close to my AC so probably more worried than most, which is not really a good thing. I think I need to remember I can't live someone's life for them and not take on all their problems.

I think it depends if they give you anything to worry about, I have 2 children, one has a good job, lovely happy life and gives me no worry ever, the other ! Never worked, drugs, alcohol abuse, plus so many other problems, 30 years of non stop worry, will never change now

No, I never stop worrying about mine, they are all settled and in good careers and relationships, but I remember not so long ago when this was not the case. I certainly will never be complacent, things can change in a heartbeat, as many on here will testify.

I have 5 to worry about, aged between 56 and 40! I'm not much of a worrier, luckily, but I worry mostly about my eldest DS and DIL. They emigrated to Australia, following my 2 other DC, but settled 4 hours flight away from them. Things have not worked out well for them, but they can't afford to come back. My middle DS also got involved in a major problem, last year, but that has, thankfully, sorted itself out.
It's true that we never stop worrying about our children, no matter what age they are.

ATM I swing wildly between worrying and wanting to give them a sound slap! Frustrated with their lack of regard for anything apparently other than their own skins! They don't bother with me now they've had all I can gift them, and only 'keep in' with their dad because one is employed by him and the other gets cheap vehicle maintenance from him! I often wonder how we managed to produce such a pair of mercenaries?! I suppose I am so wracked with guilt they soon latched on to how easy I am to con.? Sad end to what I once believed was a perfect setup, beautiful kids, handsome husband exciting life to come-not

No unfortunately I don’t think I ever will. Yes both of my sons have had some right bunny boilers in their time. But all I could do was sit back and watch. And wait for them to figure it out themselves. Even now both happily married but it doesn’t stop me worrying about them or my grandkids. Has they say mum stop worrying about us. But as I say I will worry about them till I take my last breath.

StephLP

All this worrying! It doesn't change the situation or outcome at all.

Well that's obviously the most helpful comment on this thread Steph

NO

I too feel your pain Sapphire as my son is going through the same as yours and like muse's DS does not communicate. Now if it was my DD going through what he is communication would be no problem! I just have to keep thinking no news is hopefully good news ?