Is marriage hard work?

Hardest thing I’ve ever done and still wondering if it’s actually worth the effort

I must have been very lucky then Mummer. I feel sorry for you. I believe 2 people can have a long and happy, monogamous marriage.

My DM claimed she showed all her DC how to choose well. She was less like Paddyann's mum and more Lady Bracknell.. We always had to bring the new boyfriend or girlfriend home to meet her be inspected and if she suspected a wrong'un she would ask them brutal questions!
Then after tears and tantrums we would realise she was right.

All her DC's marriages have lasted happily for over 40 years
though her own DH died after 16 years.

Noreen3

It's better to be in a marriage that is hard work than to be a widow,that really is hard work.

Widowed nearly five years ago after nearly 4 years together. I wholeheartedly agree. I’m now in another relationship, but the sadness is still there deep down and sometimes the grief can still overwhelm me momentarily. It changes your life and you’re never the same person.

Mine is since retiring his done nothing but eat and moan
… I’m seriously thinking of disappearing asap!

My first marriage was very hard work and, ultimately, a failure. Second time round it’s fantastic…we rarely disagree, we have the same fundamental values, we trust each other implicitly and are completely supportive of each other - not hard work at all - 20 years of joy so far.

I was surprised to hear a male friend say that sex was the most important thing in a marriage. I certainly never thought that and wonder if that is where I went wrong.

eazybee

Marriage can be hard work if it is the wrong couple or if there is outside interference.
Then there is the french (?) saying: there is one who loves and one who is loved.

Nail on head! I always loved #1 far more than he was capable of returning. #2 lovesne more and has feared losing me, his solution? Have a year long fling with an old fling from10 years previously to make him 'feel wanted' perleese!

My first and second marriages have been destroyed for me by men Who simply cannot keep it to themselves! When they feel they're not getting what they want. Off they f**k! I used to think it was me as the common denominator but realise it's my strength as seen through weak mens eyes. I'm clever was extremely attractive and charismatic, witty dead funny and not to be messed with - the perfect man! I've never forgiven either for their humiliating and cruel infidelities and now live with #2 who thinks we're O'K ande that it's ok forgotten after 20+ years, but it's not , but I let him delude himself and we're mates anyway .I'm too old to be shooting meself in the foot by walking -again! Did it at 45 not doing at 65!

Definitely! Trying to manage to live with someone you probably met in first flush of youff for the rest of your life? Impossible and unnatural.so yes it takes lots of drudge and grudge! I think everyone should be allowed 2life partners if they need, one for falling in love and having kids.the second one should be allowed without expensive and dreadful guilt of legalese divorcing, simple dissolution should be arranged with a 50/50 split of EVERYTHING. No arguments no guilt no blame. Then #2 partner to live the second and very very different part of life with into old age .companionship different love ,mature attitudes and life experiences shared without guilt at having dissolved partnership#1! Less acrimony, less upset for children's they know what the craic is cos everyone can do it it's nothing to be scared or ashamed of! I think it's called wishful thinking or utopia or summat ?.......

I find long term relationships hard work. Have come to the conclusion that I should really live alone and have gentlemen callers tbh.

Extremely hard work which is why I divorced. My friends expected me to be in floods of tears. I was elated and back to my happy go lucky self. Would I do it again
....... Never! Sorry ladies. I guess some hit the jackpot & some like me get the booby prize.

Yes, very hard work

Yes it can be hard work and if I had had had any sense I would have left my husband by the end of the first year. I hung on trying desperately to be what I presumed he wanted, though I knew no-one as unhappy as I was in their marriage, and ended up with an unhappy life. It can be hard but it can be impossibly hard.

If you are lucky to have married the right person, then no. DH and I have gone through some difficult times, bereavement, illness, estrangement, but I love him dearly and he is my best friend. I hope he feels the same way too. We rarely argue and seem to rub along quite nicely in the main part. There is a lot of laughter in our home and shared jokes. I probably don’t tell him enough, but I adore him. He is a kind and decent man. Not known for romantic gestures, but he is always there for me when it counts. I can’t imagine life without him.

Yes

Yes, definitely! My DH likes to be molly-coddled now he had retired (he's been retired 20 years), doesn't like doing housework or any form of cooking. He likes to take the dog out for walks and enjoys gardening, but not in this weather. He thinks it's his job to find what he wants to watch on TV - yes he is hard work!

I've always been the independent sort, like to do my own thing and happy to be alone but my partner of 20 years likes us to be together All the time. Good thing -he still works. Bad thing - my legs don't work so need him to help sometimes. Life's a b..ch sometimes!

It can be at times, but far outweighed by the times it is wonderful x

Yes and no. I was married for 20 years and wouldn’t say that it was all hard work, but it certainly wasn’t as easy as it might have been. I’ve been on my own for 27 years since it ended and I really can’t imagine being with anyone again after all this time. Good luck to those it works for, but I don’t want to go through all that again.

It is hard work I’ve found to my detriment that most woman still have to ask for things to be done when it’s plainly obvious it needs doing. It helps to not have to ask for help as you’re told it’s nagging lol.

It's better to be in a marriage that is hard work than to be a widow,that really is hard work.

I have had only one marriage - 50 years this December. No, not hard work.

When we married almost 52 years ago the advice we were given was “always try to give 75%, that way, if one of you can only manage 25%, the other picks up the shortfall”.

Increasing vulnerability with age, this is particularly difficult for me at present. But I have learnt to prioritise wisdom and kindness, which helps quite a lot.

I am little confused why hard work is assumed to be part and parcel of marriage. The term hard work is being used to denote something difficult and unpleasant that you really don’t want to do, surely this should not be a part of a loving relationship.
I have been married for 50 years this year and yes we have had differences of opinion and a few arguments but never would I consider any of those years to have been hard work