Is marriage hard work?

I don’t know about marriages in general but my H is certainly hard work!

Yes ! ! !

I think it should be like any form of exercise you have chosen - yes, requiring effort and patience , “hard work” but something you do because you also enjoy it.
When it becomes a drudge, hard graft with no satisfaction, then something is wrong.

The good times should outweigh the bad but yes it can be hard work at times. We all go through phases in life and sometimes you have to work hard as a couple to get through them.
Sadly my first husband died after 30 years of marriage - been married to my second husband for 20 years - he has dementia - that is hard work ?

I think I've been lucky so far but I think a lot of people find their relationships hard. Maybe some people are more designed personality wise to long term monogamy and companionship but again, it still depends on your choice of partner

I agree with MayBeMaw. What's wrong with a bit of hard work if you reap the benefits? It depends how people feel towards commitment.

Yes it's hard work but being on your own through life is hard work too - I can see that with my divorced daughter. So, in my opinion, life can be hard work for all of us at times.

JaneJudge

I think I've been lucky so far but I think a lot of people find their relationships hard. Maybe some people are more designed personality wise to long term monogamy and companionship but again, it still depends on your choice of partner

I think I’m one of those who don’t thrive in long term relationships however much I’d love to have been in a long happy marriage ! I am however quite content living on my own.

I’d guess most marriages need some hard work though,

I always remember, when my husband was aggravating me over something or another, wondering if he was feeling the same way toward me as I was him. That brought me up short and we fixed things.

A friends DD has left a seemingly happy relationship. We thought he was being supportive and she was leaning on him too much , but actually he was pulling her down and she was struggling with his smothering ! No one can judge what’s happening , but luckily a wake up call from something that happened helped her to try to extricate herself

All relationships require commitment. Marriage needs that supported by love. Life can be tough but a good marriage sees you both through. If it’s hard work over a period of time - something is wrong

If it's hard work - then you married the wrong person (unless, of course, they are unwell).

I found my first marriage exhausting, as I was always making a great effort to be the person he loved - and that just wasn't the real me at all!

When I left, the clouds lifted, the weight fell from my shoulders and I was truly happy alone.

I met somebody who seemed totally unsuitable (we had absolutely nothing in common) and we just clicked, as two independent, self contained, complete individuals.

We got along like a house on fire as we enjoyed being together, yet didn't 'need' each other, didn't rely on the other - and weren't even looking for a partner.

So, second marriage, 21 years, 4 children, endless carefree happy days (except the last few years of illness, just the price you pay).

Sounds lovely Hetty!

I am sad that DD's friend (or our 'spare' daughter as she calls herself!) doesn't have that and even sadder that she thinks it is rare. Obviously, I don't really know, but her parents seem to have that too.

I agree, Lucca; most marriages need some hard work. I think a varied diet of interests and projects help keep things sweet. Now that we are both retired DH is in the process of building a new garage and workshop and the old spare bedroom is now my craft room; a little quiet space, I hope!

I think she is probably right though, as the divorce statistics show.

That's so sad Galaxy.

I definitely think marriage is hard work. I also think the 'hard work' can come from managing family within it.

Depends on the marriage and the participants surely.

But all marriages need give and take and effort, even the 'best' of them.

I've only ever seen one relationship that I envied. All the other marriages and LTR's have not looked like anything I wanted from the outside.

There have been brief times in my life when I've envied others the security of marriage, but I can't bear being tied down. My current relationship is the nearest I've got a to a LTR but it is a very small part of my life. At the moment, I haven't spoken to him for over a week, no argument, just no contact.

Think my round-about answer is that surely most marriages are a trade-off. You trade freedom, independence, peace and silence for company, companionship and hopefully love. I pick the former, some pick the latter.

I dont know kitty. It might not be sad for many. I agree with Lucca and Gagajo I think many people arent suited to marriage and I dont think that's necessarily sad. But obviously divorce itself is usually traumatic in one way or the other.

You trade freedom, independence, peace and silence for company, companionship and hopefully love. I pick the former, some pick the latter.

I would include mutual support in what one gains.

Marriage is a journey, some people instinctively partner up with a soul mate with a strong probability of the relationship lasting.
However, on that journey there will be unexpected up and downs. How the partnership deals with those situations will determine its success.
I’ve been married 47 years, my DH sometimes drives me mad and I know I do the same, ( probably to a greater extent?) but these are small things. Big issues are discussed and solutions found. Neither of us are given to sulks or irrational arguing.

Inevitably marriage has its challenges; and I am always surprised at the number of partnerships that do stay together rather than the number that fail. Many tick along with more sacrifices than is ideal.

It is a blueprint for living that is very entrenched, but I am sure that there are many other models of existence that can exist. However, I do not think that relationships just happen - all demand some level of hard work.

Yes, kittylester, I think in a good relationship, that is the case. Sadly, my two main relationships haven't encompassed that. And I also think I am no longer capable of giving it so better for me to be (mostly) alone I think. Fortunately, I am a solitary type so it is my preferred condition.