Is marriage hard work?

I should add, I am easy-going to a fault.

I find it strange that you say your DD is "supporting" her friend, yet seems to want to tell her how to proceed, or have I got that wrong?

all life is hard work

love the quote, marry if you can`t live without them, and don`t we widows/widowers find the truth of that when spouse dies...

sounds like your dd`s friend has the committment, but no details so who are we to comment or judge?

My first husband was bloody hard work. My second - well, so far, so very much better! He wants to make me happy, whereas no 1, not so much.

Living with people, whether you're married or parenting, is hard work - doesn't mean it's miserable - just takes real effort.

I often say that, it takes two to tango! Good old give and take but from both sides, not just one partner expected to do all the giving!

I think sharing a home with anyone is hard work - from washing up to sharing the cleaning. Having lived in house-shares in my 20s (and watched my children do the same) and lived with my adult DC, it needs give and take. Bluntly put - plenty don't understand give and take. (Btw kids did, ex-husband didn't!)

In my own experience I wouldn't say marriage is or needs "hard work" but like all living and growing things, it needs care and attention.

Well, I've only been married once, and yes, that was blooming hard work!!
But, it takes 2 to make it work (unless you're a bigamist or have a harem, or are in a cult) so 2 should be working at it and not just expecting the other one to do it!!

Yes, marriage is hard work.

I always go back to what my mother told me when I told her we had decided to get married after just 4 months ,She said "dont marry him just because you think you can live with him,marry him because you cant live without him" .

That was exactly how we felt then and how we feel now ,and we still slow dance round the sitting room at 2am regularly 47 years later .

I left home when I got married none of that living in sin stuff ,my parents were old school it wouldn't have happened.Somehow starting out after the wedding made it all a bit more special .Old fashioned but true .

An honest and solid partnership can weather the storms when they arrive as they do. The good times in life come and go so there has to be equality and compromise. If you are not on the same page it could be hard work.

Same here Hetty!

It’s VERY hard work unless you’re both pulling in the same direction and quite often your very hard work doesn’t pay off and then it’s heart breaking hard work but sometimes it doesn’t matter how hard you work you get buried in the mud
Some people seem very lucky in their choices
Often it’s no fault of those that don’t have a good time

lovebeigecardigans1955 If your are married a long time there are bound to be difficult patches, all sorts of life events can destabilse a relationship for a while. Unemployment, bereavements, difficulties with children, illness, physical and mental. Some people can deal with these thing easily others cannot.

A good marriage is one where you weather these storms because you know deep down inside that these are passing storms and that your trust and determination will carry through.

I think all marriages are hard work from time to time, even those that are generally the happiest. We're going through a new phase now where we are both retired and at home together and little time apart. So it's probably just as well we are well practised at compromise as this could turn into one of the hardest times of our relationship ?

Surely a marriage is only hard work if you are with the wrong person? A couple should be comfortable with each other. If one person makes it difficult (the other treading on eggshells, as it were) then it seems like a red flag to me.

I’m really happy for those who are in long, happy marriages, but that doesn’t stop me envying you ?

Marriage is a journey, some people instinctively partner up with a soul mate with a strong probability of the relationship lasting.However, on that journey there will be unexpected up and downs. How the partnership deals with those situations will determine its success
I think this is significant - two people can love each other very much, and live together quite amicably - but then life throws curveballs (a disabled child, a serious illness, a financial disaster, job loss, etc) which really test the relationship.

Relationships that work rely firstly on choosing with care who you get into a relationship with and secondly accepting that any relationship is based on compromise and both parties should compromise equally, or the one who compromises the most should have good reason to think it worthwhile.

Agree with this. I also think the more respect and affection you have for someone the easier it is to compromise, partly because you want them to be happy but also because you know the care will be returned.

Any long term relationship has its ups and downs, whether it is being a spouse, a parent, a child, a friend, a business colleague or anywhere where two adults have a close relationship over a long period.

Relationships that work rely firstly on choosing with care who you get into a relationship with and secondly accepting that any relationship is based on compromise and both parties should compromise equally, or the one who compromises the most should have good reason to think it worthwhile.

I have been married 54 years, and yes, in that time we have had some difficult times, but we have had many happy times as well.

DD decided against any kind of partnership and having children because she said she was too uncompromising to do either successfully.

DiscoDancer1975

My husband said it depends who you’re married to. Apparently I’ve been really fortunate! ?

Love it DiscoDancer

I think most marriages go through difficult times as well as good ones. As someone else said compromise is the way forward. Not something I'm good at but my husband is so tolerant I try to accommodate him. So many couples don't seem to discuss potential areas of conflict either so things fester. I have definitely mellowed as I've got older and don't fly off the handle so much. My husband says it's only child syndrome where I don't like to share and want my own way. He has four siblings.

I think we had to" work at our marriage" in the early years. We both had demanding jobs and family to look after . However as we have become older , we can laugh at ourselves more. What used to bug me when I was younger doesn't seem to be important now.
Now we are both 77 years old, have lots of different interests , also have days out together , I haven't felt marriage was hard work for many years. My OH is my friend, lover and he makes me laugh. So glad we got through the difficult years when we were younger.

I think marriage becomes hard work when there's no compromise on both sides.

Some can be and if we go into it, expecting everything to be romance and light , we may be in for a struggle as I believe that most marriages go through rough and difficult times at some point.
It's wanting to deal with those difficult times that makes a difference.
It may well be frustrating for your DD to see how her friend is dealing with her marriage . Some people work on the idea that if you ignore it, it will disappear which may well work for a while.
What your DD needs to do more than anything is to keep quiet and be supportive as well as pick up the pieces if it does all fall apart. Anything more than that, and she will be the bad guy!

"He's my world and he say's I'm his" that's lovely paddyann and is how we feel too.