Is marriage hard work?

Sounds lovely Hetty!

I am sad that DD's friend (or our 'spare' daughter as she calls herself!) doesn't have that and even sadder that she thinks it is rare. Obviously, I don't really know, but her parents seem to have that too.

If it's hard work - then you married the wrong person (unless, of course, they are unwell).

I found my first marriage exhausting, as I was always making a great effort to be the person he loved - and that just wasn't the real me at all!

When I left, the clouds lifted, the weight fell from my shoulders and I was truly happy alone.

I met somebody who seemed totally unsuitable (we had absolutely nothing in common) and we just clicked, as two independent, self contained, complete individuals.

We got along like a house on fire as we enjoyed being together, yet didn't 'need' each other, didn't rely on the other - and weren't even looking for a partner.

So, second marriage, 21 years, 4 children, endless carefree happy days (except the last few years of illness, just the price you pay).

All relationships require commitment. Marriage needs that supported by love. Life can be tough but a good marriage sees you both through. If it’s hard work over a period of time - something is wrong

A friends DD has left a seemingly happy relationship. We thought he was being supportive and she was leaning on him too much , but actually he was pulling her down and she was struggling with his smothering ! No one can judge what’s happening , but luckily a wake up call from something that happened helped her to try to extricate herself

I always remember, when my husband was aggravating me over something or another, wondering if he was feeling the same way toward me as I was him. That brought me up short and we fixed things.

JaneJudge

I think I've been lucky so far but I think a lot of people find their relationships hard. Maybe some people are more designed personality wise to long term monogamy and companionship but again, it still depends on your choice of partner

I think I’m one of those who don’t thrive in long term relationships however much I’d love to have been in a long happy marriage ! I am however quite content living on my own.

I’d guess most marriages need some hard work though,

Yes it's hard work but being on your own through life is hard work too - I can see that with my divorced daughter. So, in my opinion, life can be hard work for all of us at times.

I agree with MayBeMaw. What's wrong with a bit of hard work if you reap the benefits? It depends how people feel towards commitment.

I think I've been lucky so far but I think a lot of people find their relationships hard. Maybe some people are more designed personality wise to long term monogamy and companionship but again, it still depends on your choice of partner

The good times should outweigh the bad but yes it can be hard work at times. We all go through phases in life and sometimes you have to work hard as a couple to get through them.
Sadly my first husband died after 30 years of marriage - been married to my second husband for 20 years - he has dementia - that is hard work ?

I think it should be like any form of exercise you have chosen - yes, requiring effort and patience , “hard work” but something you do because you also enjoy it.
When it becomes a drudge, hard graft with no satisfaction, then something is wrong.

Yes ! ! !

I don’t know about marriages in general but my H is certainly hard work!