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My neighbours have left and I feel sad

(15 Posts)
25Avalon Thu 13-Jan-22 14:33:20

My elderly neighbours had lived in their house for 50 years but had reached the point where it was difficult to cope. We have lived here for 20 years and the wife and I were friendly. She was kind when my son died and when dh was seriously ill. She has a medical condition and developed a mental health problem a few years ago which she is on medication for. She often rang me for a chat or would call out of the window as I went by. I took her to monthly events and both she and her husband came to our 40th anniversary dinner and my HD’s christening. We used to go there on New Year’s Eve with other neighbours and when they stopped doing that we had them here on New Year’s Day.
Obviously none of that for the last 2years with Covid. Last year she had to go to hospital with a UTI and has lost a lot of mobility since. So they decided to sell up but instead of moving to a bungalow locally or residential/care accommodation they have moved to a flat they own 100 miles away. I know my friend didn’t want to go but have hardly been able to talk to her, always getting her husband. She always does what he wants. They have no children and often she felt he didn’t treat her right. They talk of moving back here or anywhere in the future. They’ve had 6 months to find somewhere here so I don’t think it will happen.

What has made me sad is they were due to move today but when I went to drop a magazine and card in yesterday afternoon they were just about to leave for good. They have not left me a forwarding address. When I asked her dh said he’d left it with the new people. I waved them off.

Now I feel very sad. Wife and I supported each other. Not sure her dh approved. I am worried about her as well as I feel she has been coerced into the wrong move. They have my address so I just hope she will contact me. I am really missing her voice on the phone. Being silly I know. Just not knowing her address or if she is ok makes it worse.

Hithere Thu 13-Jan-22 14:46:28

It is not silly, you lost a friend and do not know how to keep in touch

It also sounds like she is in a place where her needs are better served.

I hope she contacts you and I am sure she also appreciates your support

25Avalon Thu 13-Jan-22 15:08:45

It’s a second floor flat and they don’t really know anyone there. All of her friends and medics are up here. If anything should happen to him she will be stranded.

Pepper59 Thu 13-Jan-22 15:42:10

I was in a similar situation to yourself and sympathise with your feelings. However, at least you got to say goodbye. I had what I thought were good neighbours but they moved house a while ago. No goodbye, nothing. We were not in and out of each other's houses but thought they would have said cheerio. We were neighbours for 15 years. Sadly, the older I have become I feel you discover that you are less important to others than you think you are. I now don't involve myself with neighbours or others much. Ive been hurt too often in the past, not just by neighbours.

Pepper59 Thu 13-Jan-22 15:43:13

I also think some men are weird that way, husbands can seem to get very jealous of friendships.

Peasblossom Thu 13-Jan-22 15:45:04

So can wives. It’s not confined to one gender?

Redhead56 Thu 13-Jan-22 16:17:30

You have a kind heart and are a good neighbour hard to come by these days. You are perfectly right to be upset. I was upset last year because my elderly neighbour also my friend moved.
Her house was sold we knew she was going but her daughter moved her out without telling us. It wasn’t nice the neighbours on the other side were also upset we all look out for each other. None of us saw her leave and we never got to say goodbye very hurtful.

Hithere Thu 13-Jan-22 16:18:44

"the older I have become I feel you discover that you are less important to others than you think you are."

I so agree with this.

hulahoop Thu 13-Jan-22 19:04:52

My neighbour was widowed just having moved next us we got on great from the start she was a good laugh but also very thoughtful ,she went to live near family but we spoke frequently always at the other end of the phone,she became poorly but still rung after my surgery at Christmas even though she was in hospital herself ,unfortunately she died at new year I already miss her xx

Pepper59 Thu 13-Jan-22 19:17:20

Peasblossom, I can only give you my own experience and that was the husbands. Two in my experience married to neighbours/ friend were downright weird. I could not have a conversation with my female neighbour, but husband would appear ,wanting to know all about what we were talking about or monopolise the conversation. It was just general chit chat. I don't know many jealous or possessive women. I appreciate you may know different. I was also told by my friend that her husband was jealous of me. I was never made to feel welcome whenever he was around. Sadly, I am no longer in contact with either. My neighbours moved no goodbye nothing. It is very hurtful but as Ive got older, I don't get involved with neighbours or people in general. Ive been s* on too often.

Peasblossom Thu 13-Jan-22 19:23:08

Oh yes. And I can give you my experience which was the opposite of a wife so jealous of her husbands neighbours talking to him that she would call him into the house if he exchanged hellos over the fence.

There’s jealousy and possessiveness in both.

Peasblossom Thu 13-Jan-22 19:26:14

Respectfully, wouldn’t you perhaps think it was more a man thing because your friends were mostly women so the jealous partners you encountered would be men?
?

Humbertbear Thu 13-Jan-22 22:28:24

I think being friends with neighbours is like being friends with colleagues at work. You are friendly because they live in proximity to you and perhaps because you are at the same stage in life. We have been very good friends with neighbours over the years but once they moved we drifted apart.

Bonneygran Fri 14-Jan-22 00:14:57

25Avalon:- a lovely, heartfelt post. Neighbourliness is at the centre of civilisation and you are far from silly in feeling sad at their parting. I do hope that she is able to get back in touch with you. flowers

Pepper59 Fri 14-Jan-22 01:16:16

Peasblossom, yes. I accept we have had different experiences. It is just such a pity, we all could have been good friends and neighbours. I didn't mean to hijack OPs thread. I'm sorry for anyone who goes through this.