Things that only happen in soap operas

Aussie soap report again:

People keep having dreadful accidents and we have a hospital visit every week.

They are often close to death with life-changing injuries but make a full recovery, sometimes within a week or two and usually with no lasting effects.

Aussie soap doctors are amazing. The same doctor will treat you whether you go in for cancer, brain surgery, pregnancy or toxic poisoning. And you will usually be seen the same day or even on demand!

A doctor, nurse or policeman never work shifts. They just walk around in their uniforms booking days off willy nilly. No one actually has tea in their mugs, or clothes in their suitcase. No one one ever spends half the day thinking what to cook for tea, or stops mid conversation to nip for a wee.

Aussie soap report again:
People always arrive unexpectedly, they never phone or text to say they're coming. That includes people who caught an earlier flight than expected.
When there's a fancy dress party everyone wears the most lavish and amazing outfits even with just a few hours' notice.
Those who never seem to work or have unprofitable jobs live in the biggest houses and drive flashy cars, while the professional people with good jobs live in the caravan park.

Everyone can pay rent despite mainly being in part time, minimum wage jobs, prime example Eastenders. A two/three bedroomed flat in one of the houses on the square would cost in the region of £1800 per month in real life, yet most manage to pay this from the proceeds of 20 hours a week in the caff, or running a market stall.

All ceremonies take place in the 'garden' in the car park at Holby. Also everyone can also park right outside the door. A miracle I've never observed in any hospital I've ever worked at or visited.

Someone decides to throw a party, next day or even the same one, and everyone will turn up. No babysitters required apparently.

Holidays are arranged at a few hours notice. The holiday clothes are never in the wash, or up in the attic - they’re all packed and in the taxi in plenty of time.

Ambulances arrive within the minute.

People are arrested in the pub or cafe on no evidence whatsoever, minutes after someone has reported them for something of nothing. Always two officers to make the arrest and nobody is ever told off for wasting police time.

They always push their dinner around the plate instead of getting on and eating it.

If there are two brothers, one is always good and the other always bad and the bad one always sleeps with the good one's wife.

Their babies and children never interrupt their conversations constantly.

When you get married all of your wedding party and guests will be neighbours, even if you've only lived in the area for ten minutes.

If it's a soap based in a workplace eg Casualty, the only people you ever invite to your birthday bash or weddings are your work colleagues.
Likewise, for example, Midsomer Murders
They never have any friends or relatives.

Nobody ever comes out of the toilet and says "I wouldn't go in there for half an hour!"

Nobody ever watches TV in soaps.

They can fit 10 people in a 3 bed house, and they don't have to spend hours on the phone to the council to let them know.

If there's a wedding or a party everyone always has amazing new outfits even though they haven't got two hapenniess to rub together. Weddings are always organised with about a fortnight's notice.

They never get their sleeves caught on door handles.

Aussie soap report here:
Once you move into the area you lose all the friends you knew before and never see them again.
When you go to University you will never be allowed home during holidays.
People suddenly find they have a son or daughter they knew nothing about. They appear and take over their life.
More to come....

Fully loaded goods trains can derail off a viaduct, crash into the street below, kill a couple of locals (who have a pretty low profile anyway) and within 3 weeks, all the debris will have been cleared up, none of the houses damaged and life will carry on, with no mention of it, for the next 40 years.

They can carry on a normal conversation whilst in a club.

Oh and if you happen to meet the local doctor, he/she always happy to discuss a patient's problems symptoms anywhere, anytime.

People in soaps never watch soaps.

I don't watch any soaps and haven't for a long time, but from what I remember, babies were always born on Christmas day, similarly divorces were announced then too. Characters would always find their partners from a very small pool of people, often on the same street, like they never met anyone else Neighbours walked in and out of each others houses, maybe that is the case in some areas, or back in times gone past, I've certainly never left my front door unlocked.

People pick a new career and become qualified almost overnight and get a posting near where they live.

They know what time to meet in the pub or cafe without arranging it beforehand.

Someone comes out of their house if someone knocks. They are obviously in their house alone. They slam the door shut with no sign of a key to get back in.

Excellent stuff